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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset that Dh has not bought me a card or a present for my birthday for the second year running

29 replies

pigletmania · 26/04/2010 10:21

I may be totally U and childish but I felt compelled to have a moan about it. Its my birhday today and no card or present from dh and . He is not well at the moment, he has an infection on his foot so is not able to drive or walk very far so he said that he could not get to the shops, what happened last year then! That has not stopped him ordering things for himself online but nothing for me grrrrrr. He is not a hearts and flowers man, I knew that when i married him, but no effort grrrrrr

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warthog · 26/04/2010 10:23

oh well. takes pressure off you to reciprocate.

instructionstothedouble · 26/04/2010 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
pigletmania · 26/04/2010 10:24

yes it does, no card or present for him for his birhtday grrrrrr

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Lotkinsgonecurly · 26/04/2010 10:25

Happy Birthday Piglet.

your DH is being completely out of order, I suggest he does something now for you or you get let loose with his credit card!!

Can you spend some time with a friend / family who will fully appreciate its your day?

Maybe accidentally treading on his foot....No, you are definately NBU.

thehillsarealive · 26/04/2010 10:25

did he make an effort before you married him and has since stopped? Or has he never bothered and only now it is bugging you?

I dont think YABU to expect him to make an effort, he could have bought you a gift voucher or a book or perfume online. Very sad for you.

passes OP a BIG box of chocs

Original poster
pigletmania · 26/04/2010 10:26

thanks everyone, he used to be so good with this kind of thing but has gone downhill as the grew hairs, pips and slippers has set in

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Original poster
pigletmania · 26/04/2010 10:27

sorry meant as he grew grey hairs typo lol

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mazzystartled · 26/04/2010 10:28

yanbu and you know it

SeasideLil · 26/04/2010 10:32

After the first year, I would have let him know that I was upset and expected something. And I would have flagged up my birthday a few days in advance for this purpose. My husband is pretty good usually, but I did get a home-made (printed off the internet) Valentine card which just had his name written in it (no heartfelt declaration of love, then). I was pretty annoyed.

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/04/2010 10:33

yanbu - if nothing else could have made a handmade one with a red heart coloured in if really couldnt get to the shops

happy birthday, hope you have a good day x

do you have dc? did they get you one/ie from him iyswim?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 26/04/2010 10:36

Happy Birthday

As you say, in this day and age of online shopping there is no excuse for this, especially if he is ordering things for himself!

I would be throwing a full-on strop if it were me!!

warthog · 26/04/2010 10:38

buy yourself something nice on his credit card.

oh and happy birthday

Original poster
pigletmania · 26/04/2010 10:40

thanks everyone, my MN friends have all cheered me up My dd goes to pre school soon, might go and get myself something nice. Oh just asked my dh where my card or present was and he said that he will give me some money to spend on myself as I could get myself something I like and that he will take me out once his foot is better he does not like cooking but a meal out sounds nice.

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Original poster
pigletmania · 26/04/2010 10:43

Oh yes last year i told him how upset I was and how this should not happen again. A month in advance I reminded him that it was my birthay coming up and he said that yes he knew. He quite good at putting money he has promised in my account so looking forward to spending on myself . We do have separate accounts as i am such a rubbish spender and have had a few spending issues on e bay

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Blondeshavemorefun · 26/04/2010 10:50

he sounds like a selfish git to me

everyone should at least get a card from their dh/bf/kids etc

SolidGoldBrass · 26/04/2010 10:56

Oh FFS, you are an adult, not a toddler. Whining for presents is so pathetic. SOme people really don't do birthdays after the age of about 20, if your H is one of those then you should either accept that his other good qualities make up for it or, if he is someone who shows you no consideration or respect in any way, wonder why you are with him. However, this man is ill as it is, but he has already said that he will take you out for a meal when he is better and he is giving you some money to treat yourself, so it sounds like you are being a bit precious to bleat for more.

xstitch · 26/04/2010 10:56

Happy Birthday piglet

FakePlasticTrees · 26/04/2010 11:05

happy birthday!!!

YANBU - DH forgot my birthday once, he's not been brave enough not to at least have a card for me to open since. (and it's your birthday, if you can't sulk like a toddler on your birthday there's something wrong with the world)

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 26/04/2010 11:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

warthog · 26/04/2010 11:19

bit harsh, sgb. it IS her birthday.

Original poster
pigletmania · 26/04/2010 14:18

SGB I am very happy with things now, i know he has flu, ear infection and and an infected foot, I love him dearly he is a great husband and father to dd but its nice just to be appreciated a bit, since I do all the cooking cleaning and the bulk of the childcare. My dh is Italian and they have very traditional roles, men work and women stay at home and look after the kids (which is our set up), that I knew when I married him and was happy with that as he is a lovely man. He has some nice things planned for when he gets better so thats nice, i was just having a moan like we all do from time to time.

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Original poster
pigletmania · 26/04/2010 14:19

sorry about the word nice i use it too much

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gingernutlover · 26/04/2010 14:24

glad he is going to help you celebrate your birthday when he feels better - pity you had to ask for it though.

I believe he should have done soemthing to recognise your brithday, even made breakfast for you and say so sorry havent been well enought ot get to shops but happy birthday darling.

Did he really not do anything at all until you confronted him?

Original poster
pigletmania · 26/04/2010 14:32

No he told me a couple weeks in advance that he knew it was my birthday and that he would get me something, but he is not able to get out so when he is better he will take me out. I just felt compelled to moan a bit, but prefer that he is giving me money so that i can get something nice. He does get me lovely things for Christmas and Valentine but sometimes not always to my taste.

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Original poster
pigletmania · 26/04/2010 14:32

God I sound so immature

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