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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask DH not to drink at his work do tonight?

40 replies

christiana · 18/12/2009 09:20

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

SixtyFootDoll · 18/12/2009 09:27

I think YAB a BU

Why would you house sit for your mother with 2 lo's in tow?

Can he have a rink? Doesnt have to go mad?

ChloeHandbag · 18/12/2009 09:30

sounds a tad controlling tbh. Couldn't you just tell him you hope he has a good time, but you'd really appreciate it if he could be back tomorrow at a reasonable time?

expatinscotland · 18/12/2009 09:30

He's a fool if he drinks on a migraine.

OW!

If I had a migraine I'd probably not even go to the dinner, much less drink.

Original poster

christiana · 18/12/2009 09:31

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SixtyFootDoll · 18/12/2009 09:32

If you chose to stay at your mothers for the week then really, thats your problem.

You are sounding like a martyr I'm afraid.
He is old enough to decide wheter he has a drink or not

Hassled · 18/12/2009 09:32

I think it's reasonable to ask him to go easy a bit so he's functioning tomorrow. But you can't expect complete sobriety.

Buddleja · 18/12/2009 09:33

in all honestly I think he should be mature enough not to drink himself if it's going to make he be in agony

Have you said to him why you think it might be a good idea for him not to drink?

I don't think YABU to think he shouldn't drink for the above reasons and tell him so. Telling him not to drink is a different matter it's a conclusion he should be able to come to himself really isn't it!!

SixtyFootDoll · 18/12/2009 09:34

Soory didnt mean to sound so abrupt in my last post!

mazzystartled · 18/12/2009 09:35

YABU
I suspect he is just trying to prepare you for him being out of action, migraine or no.
Make the best of it tonight & tomorrow - and take Sunday off yourself to recharge.

Original poster

christiana · 18/12/2009 09:41

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ChloeHandbag · 18/12/2009 09:44

In the meantime, don't beat yourself up about being uber mum. You're in the middle of nowhere and don't know anyone, so do the snow in the garden thing and then snuggle up for the rest of the day, put the tv on and chillax.

Original poster

christiana · 18/12/2009 09:44

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OP posts:

gagamama · 18/12/2009 09:53

Unless you actually need to do something tomorrow, I think YAB slightly U. Chances are he won't drink much with a migraine anyway, for his own reasons as much as anything else. He sounds like he's been busy and deserves a break too. Trust him to be sensible is the best option I think. Just make it clear that you're not prepared to come and pick him up in the snow with two DCs.

Morloth · 18/12/2009 10:12

I think you shouldn't have to ask him. But it can't hurt to let him know that you will need him on deck tomorrow.

How the hell can he drink on a migraine? When I get mine, I can just about lie in a dark room and throw up and even then I tend to pray for death.

hf128219 · 18/12/2009 10:16

YABU. It's Christmas! My dh has had 3/4 work functions every week for the last 3 weeks.

Original poster

christiana · 18/12/2009 10:17

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TootsieSmith · 18/12/2009 10:22

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all! You deserve a break, and he doesn't actually need to have a drink to have a good time surely.
It's not even as though you're asking him not to go, just to be in a fit state to help you out this weekend. I think you are perfectly within your rights to ask him, there is no reason why he shouldn't help you out. It's give and take, if you are respectful enough not to make a fuss about him going, he should respect why you don't want him to have a drink. A very reasonable compromise I think

expatinscotland · 18/12/2009 10:26

'How the hell can he drink on a migraine? When I get mine, I can just about lie in a dark room and throw up and even then I tend to pray for death.'

That's what I'm saying!

Damn, I wouldn't even go to the dinner on a migraine. The noise alone would send me running away screaming.

I don't understand why he needs to drink if he's feeling ill.

Like Morloth said, you shouldn't need to ask, that just sounds like common sense.

It's like people who booze up after throwing up. Um, your body's already trying to tell you to lay off.

morningpaper · 18/12/2009 10:30

I can't stand up or open my eyes with a migraine

is he being a bit girlie about this?

Bathsheba · 18/12/2009 10:31

My Dh is pointless if he has been on a night out and we have to write off the entire weekend because of it.

I've posted about this issue on MN loads of times.

Basically what I do now is plan a day of activities for me and my 2 Dds so that

a) we don't need him
b) we don't need to sit around the house looking at his hungover face and listening to his hungover moaning.

I suggest that you plan your strategy for tomorrow so you and your children have something to do out of the house that will take up a large chunk of that day.

It sounds like you aren't coping looking after your children by yourself - maybe for the longer term you need to look at that issue - it seems a bit strange for you to need to have a friend come and stay (clearly from quite a way away) so you can cope over the weekend.

expatinscotland · 18/12/2009 10:33

But don't you think, Bath, that as an adult if you do that badly after drinking you should be mature enough and have enough self-control to STOP drinking before you get to that point or hey, maybe jack it in and find another way to enjoy yourself?

Bathsheba · 18/12/2009 10:36

Oh absolutely - that is why my Dh does my head in so much when he goes for nights out - because he simply CANNOT stop and cannot think considerately about me and the girls the next day....thats been the essence of my many posts about my Dh's binge drinking...

So yes, I absolutely agree that adults should be able to stop before the entire weekend needs to be written off.

However I know that my DH (with Aspergers) simply CANNOT stop for various reasons, so I have to cope with the fall out to the best of my abilities rather than expect him to do something that simply isn;t going to happen.

Original poster

christiana · 18/12/2009 11:36

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PfftTheMagicDragon · 18/12/2009 11:47

well you can't control him but if he truly has a migraine on the way, he would be a fool to do anything other than come home and sleep.

expatinscotland · 18/12/2009 11:50

well, then, christina, i guess YABU to expect him not to drink.

i dunno, i'm sort of w/MP. when i have a migraine, going out optionally isn't something i can do, much less go on the piss.

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