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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask DH not to drink at his work do tonight?

40 replies

christiana · 18/12/2009 09:20

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mustrunmore · 18/12/2009 11:51

Youre quite right asking him not to drink if he's got a migraine coming.

You are way off the mark asking him to not drink on his once-a-year-xmas-work-do because you want help with the kids. Yes, you're knackered.But its once a year. Its not like he can have the xmas party in a couple of months time, like a normal night out.

mazzystartled · 18/12/2009 12:24

Doesn't anyone else think this migraine is a bit - well- convenient?

I reckon he wants to go out and have a ball (why not?) and not have to dash over and help with the kids in the morning. It's a little white lie to assuage his guilt. And whilst the op has my sympathies on a number of fronts (I am also a wuss when I am not getting enough sleep) I think, well, fair enough.

I reckon you have to let him do whatever. But hand the dcs over to him on Saturday evening and let him do all the parenting on Sunday whilst you rest up.

Skegness · 18/12/2009 12:30

Sympathies to you both. I know that feeling of really looking forward to the weekend and some help from other half. But otoh work dos tend to be almost unbearable without plenty of alcohol, ime. I would try v hard not to go if I couldn't drink. If I was him I'd try and use the fact of migraine to get out of it completely! But it really is his decision- he might fancy the chance of getting really plastered letting his hair down a bit if opportunities to do that have been few and far between in new baby land.

RainRainGoAway · 18/12/2009 12:37

YABa little U.

Yes, its a bit disappointing he is not racing home to you, but neither would I if DH was at home and I was going out!

But...I would give him the caveat that he can go out and get pissed, but that as soon as he gets home you have booked yourself into a boutique hotel on Saturday night through to Sunday. Or at least that YOU are going to go out on Sat night and have ALL of Sunday 'off'.

He can then decide for himself how much of that he wants to make into a chore by being ratted!

CirrhosisByTheSea · 18/12/2009 12:39

I think it would be very reasonable to say to him 'don't get slaughtered because I need your help tomorrow, I'm knackered'

Has your husband had his blood pressure taken recently? I have high blood pressure diagnosed about 3 months ago and since I've been on the medication, I haven't had a single headache let alone a migraine! Might be worth checking?

Original poster
christiana · 18/12/2009 12:59

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RainRainGoAway · 18/12/2009 13:07

If you think he should come home then you need to tell him that straight out. If you have PND and are on ADs then surely he just needs to come and help all weekend.
Equally, you have just come up with a list of reasons why you are making your life so much harder for yourself. WHY are you having Dhs family up if you are so overwhelmed.

And your DSs birthday need not being a big production. All a 4 year old needs is a cake (shop bought!), some small gifts and his family. Anything else is just pressure you don't need.
You need to start talking to your DH about how much you CAN cope with rather than being a 'martyr' and feeling guilty.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 18/12/2009 13:16

bloody hell Christiana

mastitis, a bad virus and PND

You are NOT a moaner! I can't believe you have kept going with all that - you deserve a huge pat on the back

To be honest knowing all that, if I were in your position, I would be expecting my husband to give up the night out and come home to take over

I would never begrudge a works do in normal circumstances....but this is different!

Original poster
christiana · 18/12/2009 13:18

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RainRainGoAway · 18/12/2009 13:23

I think that is such a good idea. you need to take care of yourself, your children and your poor boobs!
I am not surprised you are feeling overwhelmed. Defintely let your DH know how you are feeling and GO TO BED ALL DAY ON SATURDAY after he is back and all through sunday as well. He can bring your baby to you to BF.

expatinscotland · 18/12/2009 15:29

'He has just called and says his head is better now'

I'm not at all surprised.

Original poster
christiana · 18/12/2009 16:20

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joanneg20 · 18/12/2009 16:39

Well I'm going to disagree with everyone else here and say you are only being unreasonable if you are frequently going out and getting hammered whilst he looks after the kids the next day. If you're not, and if he doesn't, then YANBU at all, and I can't bear it that women think it's 'controlling' to expect help and support with the kids from their husbands. It's perfectly possible to enjoy a Christmas party without getting wasted and I've done it myself loads of times - if, for example, I've had an important meeting the next morning where I didn't want to be hungover.

So there you go - in my opinion YANBU.

Original poster
christiana · 19/12/2009 08:50

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Original poster
christiana · 19/12/2009 08:51

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