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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be [shock] and a bit grossed out to be honest, that my FIL is dating ...

31 replies

LuluR · 02/12/2009 19:32

a 29 year old. My dh parents recently (beginning of this year) separated after 38 years of marriage and my FIL (who is 60) it turns out has a new flame.. a 29 year old. It's not just a fling and they have been dating for some months now (holidays together etc.) I am sooooooo trying to be open minded about it all but i can't help but feel a little bit shocked by it all.

Newbie here

OP posts:
geordieminx · 02/12/2009 19:36

Ok, its a 31 year age gap, but he's single, I presume she makes him happy, nowt much to say is there?

Sorry.

Bonsoir · 02/12/2009 19:36

Your poor DH! The separation of parents is very hard to deal with at any age, but the fact that his father is dating a girl who could be his daughter makes it all extra hard.

Your DH will need a lot of TLC...

Bonsoir · 02/12/2009 19:37

How is your MIL doing?

Morloth · 02/12/2009 19:37

Meh, he is separated and everyone involved is an adult. Sounds like a whole bunch of not your problem.

Original poster
LuluR · 02/12/2009 19:45

DH has accepted it just made it clear to his Dad that he doesnt want anything to do with them as couple, but will happily see his Father on his own. MIL is not taking it very well... nor is my SIL. Certainly not my business/problem just curious to know what other people think.

OP posts:
Bonsoir · 02/12/2009 19:47

Not wanting to see his father with his new GF is not really "acceptance" though, is it?

diddl · 02/12/2009 19:47

If it´s grossing you out-stop thinking of them having sex!

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 02/12/2009 19:55

I'm 29...a 60 year old...squick!

LaDiDaDi · 02/12/2009 19:58

Errmmm, your DH certainly isn't "accepting it", though I can see why it would be a bit weird for him.

Not my idea of fun but whatever floats their boats I suppose.

Original poster
LuluR · 02/12/2009 20:00

Bonsoir ... possibly not. He wants as little involvement as possible and to avoid conflict with this Mum.

diddl .. ha ha, dont even go there.

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 02/12/2009 20:03

I don't think YABU. If my parents split up and my dad started seeing someone my age I would reckon that "a bit grossed out" would be pretty restrained of me.

QueenofDreams · 02/12/2009 20:24

I'll admit I can't blame you. Can't blame your DH for not wanting anything to do with it either.
My DP doesn't talk to his dad at all. Mainly because after FIL and MIL split up (before I knew DP), FIL treated DP as if they were best mates, not father and son. Apparently FIL would check out very young women and make lewd comments to DP about them. When he started seeing someone new he was telling DP all about their sex life etc. I have never met FIL and he doesn't even know he has a grandson.

MaggieNollaig · 02/12/2009 20:26

I couldn't be liberal if it were my Dad.

Unless your father-in-law is a millionaire or the president of a small country, then think,,,, would YOU have dated a 60 year old when you were 29??

What sort of 29 year old dates a 60 year old? I don't get it.

luv shmuv. give me a BREAK!!

LynetteScavo · 02/12/2009 20:27

Now, call me shallow...but is she after him for his money?

InMyLittleHead · 02/12/2009 20:52

I would if it was Alan Rickman.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 02/12/2009 20:58

Depends ... is he a Silver Fox ?

I can see why it might be a leeetle hard for your DH to understand.

MaggieNollaig · 02/12/2009 21:28

Maybe.. if he were pierce brosnan. that's it though.

IS your fil pierce Brosnan??

purpleduckUnderTheMistletoe · 02/12/2009 21:44

ooh ooh ooh
are you all imagining this

BouncingTurtle · 02/12/2009 21:50

Inmylittlehead - I thought it was just me who fancied Alan Rickman lol.

LuluR - think YABU BUT I would be very ewwwww if my FIL or my dad started dating a woman half his age!

I think is definitely to do with being very freaked out by the thought of your parents having sex

Goblinchild · 02/12/2009 22:27

Poor old bloke, I hope he and his new woman are happy together and stay away from those that begrudge a crinkly some sex. My parents would be disgusted at your attitude.
Unless the OPs DHs dad has the woman bound an gagged and in the cellar.
Bit of metaphysical poetry wouldn't go amiss at this point. I'd be delighted if I'm in the same position at 60.

hobbgoblin · 02/12/2009 22:32

i used to like old men when i was early 20s still do and i assure you it wasn't a fetish. i still do like grumpy old men

what's weird about it?

HerBeatitude · 02/12/2009 22:39

I don't think this is entirely about the 29 year old.

It's about the FIL inflicting his renewed sexuality (and girlfriend) on his family when his ex-wife till has the same place in the family. After 38 years of marriage and having brought up a family together, it's very unsettling for everyone when an individual family member threatens the family structure by acting out of his role (which is what this bloke is doing).

Jamieandhismagictorch · 03/12/2009 01:43

Good post HerBeatitude. And a lot more mature than mine.

MaggieNollaig · 03/12/2009 08:33

Goo post herB. That is why it is bleurghghgh for the children and their mum (xwife)

2rebecca · 03/12/2009 08:39

To be honest if my exhusband dated someone half my age it really wouldn't bother me. Our relationship is over and I would be more concerned for my kids and how it affects them.
Your husband's mum sounds a bit unreasonable here, him having a younger woman doesn't affect her as he no longer has a relationship with her. It sounds as though she still has "issues" if she cares who her ex dates.
Big age gaps are a bit cringy to the offspring of the adults involved though, both in terms of seeing your parent flirt with someone your age and the concern the younger one is just after older one's money.