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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what in the hell DH was thinking yesterday???

36 replies

ShinyAndNew · 05/11/2009 09:52

I was in bed ill all day with flu. I could barely keep my eyes open. DH took one look at me on the morning, sent me back to bed and called in work to look after dd2. Which I appreciate, I really do but, it might have been easier if he went to work.

Dd2 did not settle down enough to go to bed untill close to midnight last night. She was awake again at 5am. It has transpired that she may have been drinking redbull. She is 2.5.

Dd1 went to bed in her last set of clean uniform. This, apparently, was so that she could sleep in longer today. Since she was already dressed for school. I managed to find her new skirt, tights, jumper but she has had to keep the same blouse on

By the looks of the house, they have survived mainly on midget gems and milky bar buttons and crisps.

Their breakfast, lunch and dinner plates are spread all over the house. And the crusts, chicken nuggets etc that were left on them have also been spread everywhere.

The house is a bombsite. Now it wasn't clean to begin with as I have been feeling ill a while now and it looked like the babysitter just let dd2 run riot on Monday while I was at work. But it is ten times worse now.

So AIBU to be pissed off with him, even though he took the day off to help??? And to think next time I am ill I need to procure the help of a responsible adult to look after all three of them?

OP posts:
ClaraDeLaNoche · 05/11/2009 09:56

A tad U. Although I feel your pain. The kids probably loved it though, it will do them no harm.

violethill · 05/11/2009 10:09

Can't help agreeing with Clara.

It's one of those days the children will look back on with fond memories...

purpleduck · 05/11/2009 10:12

I would be livid as well - and I think a 2 year old having energy drinks and not being able to sleep is totally irresposible parenting.

Chickenshavenolips · 05/11/2009 10:13

YANBU. How hard is it to wash up?

bronze · 05/11/2009 10:13

I would be miffed. Afterall if you're ill one day you're not going to feel great the next and you've now got all this extra stuff to sort

Original poster
ShinyAndNew · 05/11/2009 10:14

Yes I am sure you are right. Although dd1 was quite dissapointed this morning when she was woken up at the same time and told that she needed to get changed. She was sure her plan would work.

I'm just pee'd off at the mess, when I still don't feel 100%.

But he did take the day off work when I know some men who wouldn't even have done that. And he went to the shop to get me juice and kept the dd's out of my way so I could rest.

OP posts:
mumblechum · 05/11/2009 10:15

Livid? Nah, save livid for much much bigger annoyances than that.

Agree with clara and Violet. In the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter.

Hope you're feeling better today.

OvaryActing · 05/11/2009 10:15

He is an idiot and if my DH did any one of those things I'd be furious, as would he at me if roles were reversed. Just because he is a man, doesn't mean he can't feed children properly and clear up their mess behind them - mums manage to do it every day of teh year.

LilyloovesGuyFawkes · 05/11/2009 10:16

Not quite sure what to think tbh
I have been ill all week but no chance of dp taking a day off. Not even been mentioned.
He had the same bug last week and came home from work and took to bed for two days.
He told me last night i seem to have got it worse than him. Yes that would be because i am still trying to carry on as normal!!!!
So would love him to take over for a day so for that yabu

They also haven't survived off sweets and crisps if the plates and leftover chicken nuggets etc were around ?
And you say your lo 'may' have drunk red bull ??

But the uniform and general lack of tidying up behind them would annoy me too.

MyCatIsABiggerBastardThanYours · 05/11/2009 10:16

I bet the kids loved it, you got to hopefully get a bit better and noone died.

However, I think I would feel a bit peeved if I was you so YANBveryU but maybe just a little eensy tad.

Hope your feeling better today.

bronze · 05/11/2009 10:17

Leave the mess and let him clear it up later

Original poster
ShinyAndNew · 05/11/2009 10:17

Purpleduck, he claims he did not let her. He just left it in her reach and she drank it behind his back.

The extra energy is undoubtedly as much to do with midget gems as the redbull.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 05/11/2009 10:17

I wouldn't sweat it tbh. It's not about being a man, more that he isn't used to looking after them. The answer is to let him do it more often, not less.

Hope you feel better soon.

Original poster
ShinyAndNew · 05/11/2009 10:20

Lilly, he says he found her with the bottle and wasn't sure whether she had drank any or just taken the lid off.

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 05/11/2009 10:29

There are bigger things to get your knickers in a twist about. I'd be a bit at the red bull type drink, but otherwise, your dd's aren't going to suffer any long lasting health effects after their fabulous diet yesterday.

MaMight · 05/11/2009 10:30

I only have 2 children and I am used to looking after them every day, and our house looks like we've been burgled more often than not by the end of the day. Looking after children is frantic and chaotic at times. So, they made a mess, no big deal, it will clean up. Presumably you are not going to clean it up all by yourself, and if you martyrishly assume that role then more fool you.

The babysitter was partly responsible for the mess anyway. The house wasn't even clean to begin with!

One day of crappy diet won't kill them.

The red bull was an accident. I REALLY don't get all these shrewish women who harp and yelp on about accidents and mistakes. People make mistakes. I am sure you do too. Forgive, laugh, move on? I am sure he'll be more careful next time.

Really struggling to see the problem with sleeping in uniform as a one off - quite inventive of her imo!

YABU and you're trying to micromanage every detail. That does no one - not you, not your dh, and not your children - any favours. Lighten up.

Hope you feel better soon.

curiositykilledscarybin · 05/11/2009 10:35

Currently in the same position. I have apparently unnattainable ideas about housework - that if you want to make a mess and allow the kids to eat and drink in the lounge you just roll up the cream rug, that you tidy as you go, that you clean wees poos and spills immediately and appropriately, that before you put washing on you check there is a place to dry it so it doesn't go mouldy, that you don't persist in putting pastel coloured clothes of dd's in with black towels (apparently 'colours' should be interpreted literally and I am wrong that all the pastels are now grey), that you put left over or rotten food in the food waste bin instead of the grey waste/leaving it out for flies to eat, that it is more important to wipe down the surfaces/empty the potty/hoover the floor/throw away leftover food than put on the fourth load of washing that day, that you fill the washing machine on every load or in emergencies reduce the amount of soap/softener, that when you hoover you hoover the edges too and that you do it strategically so that effort is not wasted (i.e. don't leave one part of a room messy so that the children spread the dirt again in 5 mins flat), that you need to spread out wet washing so that it dries evenly, that you don't sit upstairs on the computer while dd (3) does painting in the kitchen in a white top without any plastic sheeting or a painting apron, that you need to bleach dishcloths regularly and wash tea towels, that you don't wipe down surfaces/wash dishes with a rancid cloth, toys/shoes should not be left in the middle of the floor/top of/on the stairs overnight...

I have learned that dd and ds should probably have control over putting on their own clothes because DH is confused by buttons and the correct way round to wear clothes and shoes, that it is apparently only possible for me to see which clothes belong to who (DS, DD, DH and me) and that this will not stop DH from putting clothes away which has resulted in my pink striped pjs being in ds's drawer e.t.c.....

I am 40 + 2 with twins and have decided to hide in the bedroom and not look at downstairs or anything that DH is doing and ask for house to be clean, toys to be put away/sorted out and DT's pram to be brought down to lounge whilst I'm on hospital and DH is on his paternity leave. This avoids me getting mad/worried and gives him a chance to sort thigns out himself... Normal service will be resumed when I am not whale-like and I, whilst I can't see the state of the house am appreciating DH juggling work, childcare and housework.

Fabster · 05/11/2009 10:39

How does a 2 year old open a can and what if she had drunk something much much worse.

He is an idiot.

There is no excuse for not looking after the kids and feeding them properly.

I hope you feel better soon and definitely leave the mess for him to clear up.

Original poster
ShinyAndNew · 05/11/2009 10:42

I have to at least attempt to clean some of the mess, as my dsis is coming around later to play wii fit and there is no room to even get the balance board out atm, never mind play the bloody game.

However, since I am taking both dds to a fireworks party tonight, there should be plenty of time for him to do some housework when he gets in from work.

Your right BoF, he is not used to looking after them alone, not all day anyway. I suppose at least now he will have no right to question what I have been doing with my day when he comes home and the house is in a bit of a mess.

My mum is picking up dd1 later to give me a bit more time to get things done.

I know that the crappy diet won't have done them much harm and he did try to feed them (chicken nuggets and beans by looks of the plates) but it appears they weren't hungry after all the sweets.

I suppose dd1's idea of sleeping in her clean uniform, while annoying, was quite inventive of her.

OP posts:
Morloth · 05/11/2009 10:43

The kid stuff wouldn't worry me (even the redbull as a one off is unlikely to be a problem).

But he should have cleaned up. How much nicer for you to get up after being sick to a nice and tidy house.

Original poster
ShinyAndNew · 05/11/2009 10:47

Fabster, it was a bottle. And she can open bottles. She often does. She opens the fridge and pours herself milk quite often.

All alcoholic drinks are kept on the top shelf of the fridge where they cannot reach them. Or in the high cuboards.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 05/11/2009 10:47

Reminds me of Homer Simpson when Marge is worried about going in for an operation- "What about all the cleaning and laundry?"
"Don't worry dear, it will all be here for you when you come out"...

Tortington · 05/11/2009 10:50

i simply cannot get my head around men who claim to be incompetant.

its fucking lazy and that's that.

i didn't grow up with my mother teachng me how to cook and iron and bake chuffing cupcakes.

my kids were not delivered followed by placenta followed by a set of guidelines on how to 'work' them.

it makes me very

dh resigned from his job a month ago ( he has a new one starting soon) but we fumbled tripped and stumbled through parenthood together. he knows how to use a vaccume cleaner, wash dishes, wipe sides and mop. he can cook as well as i can.

so when i go to work - i come home to a reasonably tidy house. he has woken up ds to go to work, ensured dd had gone to college and made the evening meal when i get home.

its not becuase he is a 'superman' he really isn't its becuase he is a human being and non of the housework/sticking somethng in the oven stuff is exactly rocket science.

it isn't

and as you can tell from mahooosive rant it gets on my tits

diddl · 05/11/2009 10:52

It´s the male way of doing things-easy as poss for them-no thought that there might be consequences for others!

And that their "help" often leaves behind more work for the person they are "helping".

YANBU to be p!ssed off!

junglist1 · 05/11/2009 10:57

This is typical. To a lot of men looking after children means making sure they don't run away and that's it. Why don't these people show basic common sense? They can manage at work so why not at home? Useless and YANBU