To wonder what in the hell DH was thinking yesterday???

[ShinyAndNew]

I was in bed ill all day with flu. I could barely keep my eyes open. DH took one look at me on the morning, sent me back to bed and called in work to look after dd2. Which I appreciate, I really do but, it might have been easier if he went to work.

Dd2 did not settle down enough to go to bed untill close to midnight last night. She was awake again at 5am. It has transpired that she may have been drinking redbull. She is 2.5.

Dd1 went to bed in her last set of clean uniform. This, apparently, was so that she could sleep in longer today. Since she was already dressed for school. I managed to find her new skirt, tights, jumper but she has had to keep the same blouse on

By the looks of the house, they have survived mainly on midget gems and milky bar buttons and crisps.

Their breakfast, lunch and dinner plates are spread all over the house. And the crusts, chicken nuggets etc that were left on them have also been spread everywhere.

The house is a bombsite. Now it wasn't clean to begin with as I have been feeling ill a while now and it looked like the babysitter just let dd2 run riot on Monday while I was at work. But it is ten times worse now.

So AIBU to be pissed off with him, even though he took the day off to help??? And to think next time I am ill I need to procure the help of a responsible adult to look after all three of them?

I agree with Custy.

And to add to her rant, I can't abide it when women for bigging up their men for doing normal stuff. Like 'babysitting' for their own baby for 2.5 hours while the mother goes out once in a blue moon. I just can't understand why someone, even (gosh, gashp) a man should be applauded for picking up after themselves and making sure they and as an extension of themselves, their kids, are clean and fed.

OP, I would be pissed off. I would have thought part of looking after you when you were ill was easing the stress on you by making sure the house was reasonably tidy and clean.

Exactly Custy, why do we feel the need to watch over them like they are children.

They know as much as we do.

I would be pretty pissed off too.

Just because he has taken a day work does not negate him from running the house as it should be.

I feel your pain.

My DH does not claim to be incompetent, quite the opposite, he often thinks I am making a fuss and his way is better. He is a person (rather than a 'man') who is not used to caring for children on a day-to-day basis, who doesn't really understand the process of prioritising, who is not very capable of multi-tasking, who believes he is competently doing something when he is not because he is not really capable of understanding cause and effect or various processes of house-hold management for a family rather than a single man. This is normal when you consider I have always been a SAHM and he has always worked. He is trying hard to be helpful and he often arrogantly believes I am making a fuss about something unnecessarily.

He persisted in secretly washing dishes with a dirty dishcloth (rancid, smelled was black) because he had always done it and it had never made him sick and he thought my nagging and explanation was stupid and unecessary. This was giving me constant stomach upsets because I have a sensitive stomach (had asserted this to him when we started living together and he did not believe it was true) he only believed it after I had been constantly throwing up for around 3 months (and he was having to care for me) and I caught him washing dishes with rancid dishcloth, threw it away, banned dischcloths from the house and replaced the dishcloth with a plastic scrubber. He initially insisted I was stupid and ridiculous and refused to wash the dishes ever again if he had to use a scrubber because it wouldn't get things clean. I washed the dishes myself with the scrubber for a while and the tummy bugs stopped and he started washing the dishes the way I insisted without any more fuss. I have often told him I'd rather do all the housework because if he inteferes with my processes it just makes more work for me but he likes to be helpful so he'll often secretly put on or hang out washing or try washing dishes.

I have decided his eyes, ears and mouth are not often connected to his brain, he agrees, we are happy

YANBU

Great that he took day off- my dh would not do this

HOWEVER why is it beyond the realms of possibility that our children's fathers are not capable of looking after children sensibly for one day and keeping the house reasonably tidy? Honestly, men get off so easily on these kind of things,

Fair enough if it was your single brother who you called in as an emergency but it's not- it's their dad who should know how things are done and what would piss you off and what is helpful/unhelpful.

My DH is useless at this too but maybe not quite as bad as this!

Oooh, Custy, as an aside, glad to hear DH got another job

What annoys me is when people tell me I am lucky as DH will do anything that needs doing and 99% of the time doesn't need asking. It is how it should be.

Yes, it is as it should be. Afterall, people don't make a fuss about men who live on their own cleaning and cooking and tidying for themselves. But for some reason, as soon as they move in with a woman and then have kids, they're viewed as amazing if they do these things and take normal (shared) adult responsibility for the running of their home

He is usually okay at cleaning (when he does it that it is) and is more than capable of making the dds breakfast and getting them dressed to go to the park, though often in mismatched, ill fitting clothes .

It would seem a whole day of 'my job' is just too much for him.

I am thinking BoF's idea of giving him more practise is a good idea. Now what's the cheapest way to get to London?

my partner is the same, just does'nt seem to notice when anything needs done, which results in me doing at least 95% of the housework. Not to mention working 17 hours a week and lookings after 2 dc aged 2 & 6.

It really annoys me too when people praise men for doing a bit of housework occassionally, as far as i'm concerned they have it easy. My dad brought myself and my sister up as my mum just did'nt want the responsibility. My dad suffered from multiple sclerosis from the age of 40 and had his own painting and decorating business and cooked, cleaned and looked after us. All this while suffering from a horrible illness.

I can't stand laz men! there's no excuse.

sorry "lazy" not "laz"!

My DH is exactly the same. I makes me PMSL to think that when we were TTC DC1 he suggested that he may want to be a SAHD! Yeah right - if it involved sitting the DCs on his lap whilst watching Discovery Sheds (or whatever its called) and never doing an iota of housework!
BUT I am guilty of being a control freak, so I can't help thinking that my 'I might as well do it myself as it will be quicker and easier' approach has not helped!