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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get a full time job?

31 replies

meltedchocolate · 03/11/2009 14:14

Hi. I have recently become a single mum. Before this happened i was applying for full time jobs. Now I don't know whether i should or not.

If i got a full time job we (me and my 13 month old DS) would have plenty of money and i could buy us things and we could rent our own place. If I do though i will only see him for an hour in the morning and an hour before his bed and on weekends for a while. I hate the idea of someone else raising him instead of me during the week but i also hate the idea of us having nothing for many years yet.

Thoughts would be really appreciated.

x

OP posts:
CantThinkofFunnyName · 03/11/2009 14:21

I was a single mum and my DS was in nursery from 7.30am until 6pm every day. He didn't suffer, he thrived and we enjoyed every minute together. He never mistook his mum for anyone else and I was able to support us both, which has huge benefits to the mother's emotional well-being which of course gets passed on to the child.

If you were looking for full-time jobs before - carry on. If you have just become a single mum, I would encourage even more. Your child will be fine.

DoingTheBestICan · 03/11/2009 14:22

I can understand you wanting to provide for your ds & not rely on benefits & i can also understand you wanting to spend every day with your ds.

Could you not work pt until your ds starts school & then apply for ft work?

Original poster
meltedchocolate · 03/11/2009 14:25

CantThink How old was your DS?
Doing There isn't any PT jobs going. they are so rare and i woudl be better off on benifits. i am on benifits now but will get less now i am single and wont be able to afford to stay here anymore.

OP posts:
MitchyInge · 03/11/2009 14:29

have been a single mum for ages, at least 15 years (with a brief attempt at living with someone 11 or so years ago) and have always worked (apart from when too ill) - I think it makes me value my time with the children so much more than if I was with them constantly, obviously it's given us a better quality of life than if we'd been on benefits although I might have learned to budget more responsibly if I'd gone down that road?

Original poster
meltedchocolate · 03/11/2009 14:31

Thankyou for the replies.

I wonder if anyone has done the oppositte thing? Stayed with child and not worked?

I am really upset. This only happened today if i am honest but i know it is the last time and for good.

OP posts:
DoingTheBestICan · 03/11/2009 14:33

Oh right,what about getting your name on the bank at your local hospital?

My sil's sister does this & she works 2 days a week & she gets a really good wage from it.The only thing is she can get a phone call to come in that same afternoon so you would need someone reliable at short notice.

DoingTheBestICan · 03/11/2009 14:34

Dont make any hasty decisions then if you have just become single today.

MitchyInge · 03/11/2009 14:34

maybe you could talk to a benefits adviser to find out what your options are?

Original poster
meltedchocolate · 03/11/2009 14:39

Doing what does that mean? on the bank at my hospital?

Mitchy I have discussed with them and under 20 hours i would be worse off(i have already been in this senario)and anymore and i may aswell be doing FT because of the travel it would take.

OP posts:
DoingTheBestICan · 03/11/2009 14:40

A nursing auxilliary,its like an agency & you put your name on the list.They ring when different wards/depts need help.

Original poster
meltedchocolate · 03/11/2009 14:45

I couldn't do that. I am far too squimish to work on a ward.

OP posts:
DoingTheBestICan · 03/11/2009 14:46

OK well what about joining an agency for office work?

Original poster
meltedchocolate · 03/11/2009 14:49

TBH i live in a very rural place and work wouldn't come up often enough. That is why i am trying to decide FT or SAHM.

BTW if i decide to just continue being a SAHM i will have to move back in with my parents.

I really appreciate the help btw.

OP posts:
DoingTheBestICan · 03/11/2009 14:56

If you go back to work FT it will be hard work juggling it all in,especially on your own,but if it means you get to live in your own home then go for it.

Could you not ring the benefits office & make an appt to find out exactly what you will get?

CantThinkofFunnyName · 03/11/2009 15:04

My DS was 11 weeks old when I went back to work. I was living with my mother, she had a stroke when feeding DS at 6 weeks old, so for the remaining 5 weeks I had to contend with single motherhood, feeding problems, back and forth to hospital, bringing home washing (incontinence due to stroke), preparing food for mum, liquidising it (because hospital food was awful), getting power of attorney, putting house on market in mum's absence, arranging a sale of house, getting her sheltered accommodation for when she came out of hospital and the list goes on. It was a RELIEF to get back to work I can tell you.

I also went back to work when my DC2 was 11 weeks old (but was not single anymore - had to for financial reasons).

Basically - you will come to the right decision for you and yours. Working as a single mum is hard work - but it was worth it for me.

Original poster
meltedchocolate · 03/11/2009 15:12

CantThink Thank you so much. What an inspriration. I have been at home with DS since he was born and was so looking forward to going back to work and now maybe it will be best too to help me get on with my life.

Thank you all for your responses.

I think going FT was what i was looking to hear. Now it seems so obvious.

OP posts:
violethill · 03/11/2009 15:46

It won't be someone else raising your child - YOU are the parent!

And BTW, it's not just about having more money to buy things and rent a better place (though that's good too) - it's about all the other benefits working will bring to your life.

Good luck!

Original poster
meltedchocolate · 03/11/2009 16:16

thank you violethill

I know I am still mummy and will be around all his life but it will be odd not being around all the time is all.

x

OP posts:
CantThinkofFunnyName · 03/11/2009 16:25

MeltedChocolate - just so you know, not every day will be a bed of roses. You will feel guilty some days and beat yourself up. When your child is sick (not really ill) and you can't be there - or actually can be there but find yourself complaining that you've had to take another day off work because childcare won't take them with an icky tummy etc. Just know in advance that there will be ups and downs, take every bit of help you can get, and then move ahead in the knowledge that you are well prepared.

IME the benefits of me working, far outweighed the type of person my children would have had if I had been a SAHM.

At the grand old age of (nearly) 41, I'm now 31 wks with DC3 and am going to be a SAHM for the first time ever! Strangely a little nervous as quite frankly, not quite sure what I'll be doing with my days!!

Good luck to you - it will all be fine. x

Original poster
meltedchocolate · 03/11/2009 16:30

Thank You CantThink Things like that are what I worry about, but I think I am the same in that I need to get a job. I will just become unhappy being at home all the time and struggling to pay bills. I am fortunate in that my family are very helpful and my dad has told me he would finish work early to look after my son as well.

OP posts:
porcamiseria · 04/11/2009 10:09

Hiya, I work FT and one thing we do is have baby go to bed later (8.30/9pm), adjust slowly and this means every evening you get time with them . also you can use your holidays to take off at least one day a month.Plus they wake later and at weekend you even get a (mini) lie in!

Why not start FT and use the money to SAVE SAVE SAVE, then if it really is unbeareable you can look at tax credits and other such stuff and then cut back as needed?

Cant think makes some good points, def make some back up plans or agree in advance with boss that XXX days are saved as holiday to use in case baby is sick. This way you are being proactive and responsible.

I really admire you for trying to keep it all going, and GOOD LUCK

Original poster
meltedchocolate · 04/11/2009 10:57

Thankyou porcamiseria I could try to do that. The more i think about it the more i get myself in a tissy about being away form him. I have always been around him.

OP posts:
porcamiseria · 04/11/2009 11:02

I think its completely natural, I got myself into a MASSIVE state before starting back at work, will he cry? will he eat? will I cry? You will find that once you are back you get back into the zone way easier than you imagine! after 1 year I have learned, and continue to learn many valuable lessons about how to survive working FT....again hats off to you for doing this

Original poster
meltedchocolate · 04/11/2009 11:23

How did you cope with daily things as well pora? Like housekeeping? I am not naturally organised.

OP posts:
BrandonsMummy · 04/11/2009 11:40

DS is 4 mos old and I am returning to work FT in March. (panic and guilt begining to set in as we've not been apart for more than a few hours!)

As a single mums we have the right to ask for flexible working hours (as long as these are viable for the company) so I will be working late into wed evenings (when exMIL will collect DS from nursery)and this means that I can finish at lunch time on Fridays and have a whole extra afternoon with DS.

Depending on your line of work most places can condense your working week into 4 days so long as you can find childcare to cover the longer hours (eg 8 - 6) but I think this can be worth it for an extra day off!

Best of luck - you and your DS will be ABSOLUTLEY fine and when he grows up he will be just as proud of you for working hard and providing for him as he would be if you'd been a SAHM, both choices are equally caring, worthy, impressive and fulfilling (IMHO )