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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit annoyed at a comment another mum made about my daughter.

39 replies

mummyloveslucy · 05/10/2009 21:50

My daughter is 4.5 and has quite a severe speech disorder. She also has some other developmental issues that only family and the school know about. Her speech disorder is very noticable so every one knows about it.
Anyway, we had come to pick up her up from school when we saw that all the children were wearing their P.E kits and trainers. My daughter was still in her uniform though. I casually said in front of two other mums "I wonder why my dd's still in her uniform?" One mum then said "maybe it's because they have to dress themselves now." I thought that was a strange thing to come out with. Then I remembered and said "Oh, it's because her kit is at home, I forgot to bring it in."
I do feel a bit annoyed that she just presumes that my daughter can't dress herself just because she can't speek clearly. (She can't dress herself btw) but that's not the point.
Her daughter is extreamly forward and is always very much in charge of who ever she's playing with. I just felt a bit judged and don't really know what to make of it.

OP posts:

madwomanintheattic · 05/10/2009 21:55

ach. ignore.

dd2 has an iq of 142 and people still speak loudly and slowly because she slurs and drools.

don't overthink it.

(oh, she can't dress herself either )

smile and ignore. not worth wasting your time over.

3cutedarlings · 05/10/2009 21:58

agree with madwoman! complete and utter ignorant twat!!

and my DD also has an IQ of 140 plus, is 7 year old and still cant always dress herself!!

Doodlez · 05/10/2009 21:58

She sounds a bit of a twit to be honest. Why would a child be excluded from PE because they needed help with dressing/undressing? Tossy thing to say.

Ignore.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 05/10/2009 21:58

True. I do tend to over think things at the best of times.

OP posts:

Hassled · 05/10/2009 21:58

Maybe the woman had helped in school and so knew as fact that your DD can't dress herself? Or maybe her DC had told her? It may not necessarily be her having a go - it might just be something she knew.

My DS3 has a speech disorder and people often seem surprised that he's really quite clever - it is annoying.

Bubble99 · 05/10/2009 21:58

If this woman's daughter is as confident as you say she (the DD) will probably know everything that is going on in the classroom.

Perhaps she'd told her mum in the past that your DD needed help to change?

3cutedarlings · 05/10/2009 22:02

awww mummyloveslucy just had a nose at your piccys your DD is very cute

zisforzebra · 05/10/2009 22:03

YANBU. I feel for you. Both my boys are in/have been through speech therapy. When DS1 started reception, his teacher said to me "He understands more than we realise doesn't he!" She'd assumed that because he couldn't speak clearly, or even make himself understood to anyone outside our family, that he had no comprehension skills either.

Please don't feel judged though. She'll get there in her own time. (I really want to offer a hug but I know that's not the MN way so this will have to do )

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 05/10/2009 22:06

Yes, that's true. I hadn't thought of that. Her daughter definatly would know everything that goes on. She is the sort of child that wold let everyone know too.
She's asked me before (in front of my daughter) "Why can't she talk properly?" I know this is natural curiosity, but it goes to show she notices.

OP posts:

Jujubean77 · 05/10/2009 22:12

Try not to let it get to you - I am sure she didn't mean anything malicious by it

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 05/10/2009 22:14

Thanks 3cutedarlings. I think so too. She has the most loving nature too. We are so lucky.

Thanks zisforzebra. It is a shame when people think like that. A woman on the bus once said to me (I admit my dd was being a bit vocal at the time) "She's such a pretty child, lovely dress" etc then said "but is there something wrong with her?"
I was horrified. I just replied "her hearing is fine" or something like that but she didn't twig that I wasn't happy.

OP posts:

bigpantywoman · 05/10/2009 22:16

A lot of 4.5 year olds can't dress themselves and need help with changing into PE kit - maybe that's all she meant, there may not have been any implied judgement at all.

claw3 · 05/10/2009 22:21

Perhaps one of the other kids have mentioned to their mum about your dd needing help with PE. Passes mummyloveslucy a thick skin, you will need it

My ds also has speech problems, its amazing how many people think they have to shout when talking to him!

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 05/10/2009 22:21

maybe but my dd was the only one in her uniform. I agree that I think most of them still need help with buttons etc.

OP posts:

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 05/10/2009 22:25

Thanks for the thick skin. I'm putting it on now.

OP posts:

Mybox · 05/10/2009 22:25

It's a stupid thing she said - ignore it.

LIZS · 06/10/2009 08:46

Actually you could look at it the other way and your dd had got dressed while others hadn't been able to so remained in pe kit. I'm sure there are things your dd can do that theirs can't, for all the bravado. Don't waste your energy.

Unfortunately I can't promise it gets easier (although of course your dd may make significant progress and any issues become far less noticeable over time). I loathe sports day (in fact ds missed his last one due to illness and it was a huge relief all round) and am overhearing shock from other parents that their dc are having to be in the same sets as ds, they'd written him off

FimbleHobbs · 06/10/2009 09:12

It is a stupid thing she said. Maybe just stupid though rather than judgey. Her daughter may seem to be extremely forward but they all do different things at different rates and so long as we do our best to meet their needs and teach them right from wrong no one can judge us.

I feel sad about the posters with unsupportive fellow parents. FWIW I would be disappointed if my son didn't mix with a total mixture of people, how else can he learn to be kind and considerate of others, and that it doesn't matter if he can't do xyz like so and so can, and that we all have our strengths and weaknesses and need to help each other. I hate competitive parenting.

Acinonyx · 06/10/2009 09:46

It was a bit thoughtless but could realistically apply to any child. Am I the only mum who puts dd in leggings and socks with her pinafore on PE days because she can't put a pair of tights on herself? Doesn't look quite so smart but makes everyone's life easier. Dd tells me most of the children (reception) need some help.

Jux · 06/10/2009 09:59

This sort of thing happened to dd too. When they were expected to be able to dress themselves, she was always last one out by miles.

I don't think the comment really had anything to do with your dd's specific difficulties; the remark could have applied to any number of nt children. We actually had a note home from dd's teacher suggesting that on PE days we didn't dress her in tights (but dd would insist anyway).

Take it in that light and you won't be upset.

katiestar · 06/10/2009 10:02

I think you are over thinking it a bit.I think it was most likely an off the cuff remark completely unrelated to your DDs speech disorder

Acanthus · 06/10/2009 10:03

I don't see what she said wrong, tbh. You asked the question and she wanted to be chatty and reply to you. She was hardly going to say "Did you forget her PE kit?" was she?

Many little ones don't, won't or can't change on the odd day - it seems quite a normal suggestion in the circumstances and I think you're reading too much into it.

JojoAgogo · 06/10/2009 10:11

I can totally understand how this can be taken to heart, my DS sounds exactly the same as your DD, most times he does pe at nursery he does it in his t'shirt and underwear as he as difficulties dressing.
When i asked them about this they said it's because they only have X amount of time to allow for dressing/undressing and DS cannot do it in that time.

he also often comes out crying because his shoes hurt him because the tongue of his shoe are pushed right down and hurt him. It breaks my heart , because i feel they could help him just a little bit.

thedollshouse · 06/10/2009 10:14

It may have just been a case of mouth opening before the brain engages. I don't think she meant it as a put down. You would have to be a particularly mean person to judge someone for having a child with a developmental delay.

Lizzylou · 06/10/2009 10:19

Pay no heed, she's daft woman who made a thoughtless comment.

When DS1 was in Reception last year we used to chuckle at the school gates as you always knew when they'd had PE. Jumpers back to front, even trousers in one case all untucked and dishevelled, the whole class. They are children and are learning, DS1 can still struggle with dressing, for some reason vests are far too hard for him

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