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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

being asked to pay as a guest at a birthday party

45 replies

fledtoscotland · 23/09/2009 21:39

DS 1 & 2 have been invited to a birthday party in a couple of weeks time. it consists of softplay, lunch and handling small animals.

was looking forward to it as although the boys are young (1 and 2) they love softplay and all animals so although the party is 90mins drive from my home, we were looking forward to seeing my friend and her LO.

got a phone call today to confirm we were going and that it would cost £5.50 for each of us (me included) to cover the cost of entry to the place and lunch. including fuel and a present, the day is going to cost me the best part of £50.

Now maybe i'm being old fashioned but when you invited someone to a party, you then didnt tell them how much they had to pay.

I have been asked to work overtime at work that day and am tempted to make our excuses although I know the boys would be missing out.

go on, tell me how unreasonable i am being.

OP posts:

5inthebed · 23/09/2009 21:42

Are you the only people invited along for this or is it an actual birthday party with cake and food?

pippel · 23/09/2009 21:43

£50?! Id make my excuses

Original poster

fledtoscotland · 23/09/2009 21:44

there at 7 children being invited and the place has arranged food including a cake for the adults and children (will be 8 children and 6 adults)

OP posts:

SixtyFootDoll · 23/09/2009 21:44

AS your DS's are too young to know any better I would prob dip out.

mumofdjandbabies · 23/09/2009 21:44

sound like something my husbands family would do infact have done

we went but begrudgingly

saadia · 23/09/2009 21:45

YANBU - that is just crazy.

preciouslillywhite · 23/09/2009 21:45

nononononono!

YANBU. That's really, really cheeky!

octopusinabox · 23/09/2009 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumofdjandbabies · 23/09/2009 21:45

I would make excuses 50 is simply too much unless you really really want to go

did you act surprised when they said you were to pay on the phone by the way?

SycamoretreeIsVile · 23/09/2009 21:46

OMG, you are definitely NOT being unreasonable.

You plan the party you can afford, not what you assume your guests want to pay - I'm

If she can't stump you all your entry, she should have stuck to a few party games and some sausages on sticks at home. Kids don't mind as long as a fuss is made.

IWantCleanCarpets · 23/09/2009 21:46

yanbu

mcfly79 · 23/09/2009 21:47

Think thats a bit cheeky,my friend has parties like this for my god-daughter and she always pays for the soft-play/bowling/swimming etc

bibbitybobbityhat · 23/09/2009 21:47

Yanbu. This is very awkward. I have never heard of parents contributing to the cost of another childs birthday party before. But do you think the parents of the birthday child actually realise this is bu? Perhaps they think it is the norm and everyone does it?

Don't quite know what to suggest. Is it a very close friend, or family?

PortBlacksandResident · 23/09/2009 21:47

I have been to a birthday party at a petting farm with DS2 and have paid for myself. All the children were paid for by the parents of the birthday boy.

I didn't mind as it was only £6 and it was my choice to go along too.

If i'd been asked to pay for DS2 too i would prob have done but thought it was bloody cheeky - but it would have been nowhere near £50.

fruitful · 23/09/2009 21:47

For a £50 day-out I'd plan something special for me, the children and dh all to do together.

It is the fuel that is really bumping the cost up though isn't it? You'd pay the fuel costs anyway to visit your friend wouldn't you?

Kizzipoppet · 23/09/2009 21:48

Oh, that's really very cheeky of them to put you in a predicament like this. I have never heard of this and think it is actually quite rude of them! £50 for a round trip of a few hours for a 1 and 2 year old... I would use them money for something else for your children on principle!

If the people that invited you couldnt afford to throw a party, they could have had a more budget one at their home with a few balloons, party food etc and then not have the cheek to ask people to pay to attend. YANBU.

QOD · 23/09/2009 21:48

wharra bloody liberty!

mumofdjandbabies · 23/09/2009 21:49

I still think about how we were invited to the venue (very similar to what youve been invited to) for my neices party and were expected to all pay ourselves in as was everyone else that was asked

strange

Original poster

fledtoscotland · 23/09/2009 21:49

thanks. I'm new to the whole party thing so although I was surprised I just sort of said ok and asked about who else was going. we are good friends and when she was talking about the party it did sound good.

Its over 100mile round trip which is why I will use so much diesel and then £10 for a present.

I dont really see the point of parties for a 2yr old and my kids have just had sausages, crisps and cake at home with balloons and a few games.

OP posts:

5inthebed · 23/09/2009 21:50

In that case, thats just plain rude! I'd mae my excuses and not go.

If it was just a case of meeting up for her DC birthday, then fair enough, but if she has invited other people and expects eveyone to pay .

Rindercella · 23/09/2009 21:51

You're old fashioned But you are 100% correct to think that's just rude. It is incredibly bad manners to invite someone to a party & then expect them to pay.

Just how much food is your 1yo going to be eating to justify costing you £5.50?

Why on earth did the parents not think, "ooh, shame we can't afford to do much for DC's b'day. Let's not do soft play, lunch & handling of small animals and make our guests pay. Instead, let's have a small bash at our house...will only cost us a few pounds & the children will enjoy it just as much"?

Nah, I would make you're excuses and not go. Tis quite outrageous. What a shame for the birthday child though...I am guessing you won't be the only people to make excuses.

paisleyleaf · 23/09/2009 21:52

I probably wouldn't go
and I think I'd give 'I can't afford it' as my reason, even if I could.

valhala · 23/09/2009 21:52

How impolite! YANBU. Its just plain rude to invite someone to an event and then expect them to pay.

I think I'd decline the invitation, not least on principal, as otherwise I would be simmering all day at the thought that I'd driven all that way just to meet up with someone who has no manners.

TotalChaos · 23/09/2009 21:53

yanbu. think it's just about ok for parent's to pay entry, but not the child guests!

mazzystartled · 23/09/2009 21:54

She is actually asking you to pay £16.50.
Not £50.
We recently went out as a family for a friend's little girl's birthday and paid for ourselves.
Why not take DH too and have a lovely family day out?

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