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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit p@@@@d off a dd (3) swimming teacher letting her cry all lesson?

42 replies

littleducks · 23/09/2009 15:57

This is the third week of swimming lesson, dd has had some before but with dh in th pool with her, she was put up a group last week after 2 weeks of assessment, so first week in new class

She loves swimming normally and has had to be reprimanded for fooling about (splashing to much etc) but is generally ok

I watch from a viewing gallery, i miss the first bit of lesson getting up there with ds in pram

DD i saw dd crying in lesson today after 15min in she continued to cry for five min while teacher forced her to participate. She has never cried in a lesson before ever. I tried getting teachers attention from gallery then went to poolside to take her out.

Teachers were very against me removing her, said it would make her play up every week. I said i wasnt paying for her to stand crying in the water and took her out.

Once dd was dressed and lesson finished i talked to her teacher who said dd was being stubborn and uncooperative (possible, dd can be like this) so they thought she should stay in

Dd says her teacher dunked her under (they do do this a bit at end of pool crossing but i didnt see it today) Teacher says she didnt, other teacher didnt either but i cant see how she can be sure.

Both teachers were cross i took her out

aibu?

OP posts:
LIZS · 23/09/2009 16:05

yabu - she cried for 5 mins not all lesson. I don't think you should be cross at the teachers. They could hardly send her off on her own or leave the other kids to bring her to you. Put it downto experience and try again next week.

Original poster
littleducks · 23/09/2009 16:10

No she cried for fifteen minutes before i collected her, i stood there waiting for teacher to let me collect her for 5 min

OP posts:
belgo · 23/09/2009 16:13

Scrap the swimming lessons. Three years old is too young to force her to do something she doesn't like. Swimming at this age should be enjoyable - splashing around as your dd obviously wants to do.

nappyaddict · 23/09/2009 16:17

Can you ask the teacher to ask DD is she wants to be dunked first and follow DDs wishes?

Stigaloid · 23/09/2009 16:17

YANBU - if she was distressed and you felt it best she be removed then remove her. If she doens't want to continue with swimming don't force her. The teachers should be more attentive - crying children in classes are not good and especially so young.

wishingchair · 23/09/2009 16:20

DD1 went to swimming lessons from age 3 and now at age 6 can sort of swim a bit. DD2 is 3 and I will not be sending her till she's closer to 5 as really can't see the point. I'd take her out of lessons and just go swimming with her for fun.

junglist1 · 23/09/2009 18:36

If she was older I would have said leave her in but at that age if she's upset you were right. Otherwise she'd associate the lessons with tears and won't learn a thing. Start fresh next time. Or try different teachers? Their attitude sounds a bit harsh for such a young child really, a bit of kindness goes a long way in these situations

sunshiney · 23/09/2009 20:17

if someone called my child 'stubborn and uncoperative' i'd be fuming.
ok so they are there to teach swimming but sounds like they are not very kind.

bigchris · 23/09/2009 20:19

I think 3 is too young for swimming lessons like this

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 23/09/2009 20:23

3 seems a little young.

They don't sound very well organised and maybe they are being a little stubborn and uncooperative. I wouldn't put DD through this, or perhas put her back to the class she was in.

I don't think they should have spoke about/judged a small child in this way. They don't sound like they have been trained in dealing with young children particularly well.

You did the right thing, ignore them.

fedupofthisnausea · 23/09/2009 20:27

I was surprised at them doing set 'lessons' at the age of 3. Swimming at this age DOES consist of splashing and getting confident with just being in the water.

Why not let her start later on when she is a little more co-operative and willing to learn rather than play. For now just take her yourselves so she can play and maybe you can 'teach' her a few small things so she'll be ready for lessons in a year or so.

Ponders · 23/09/2009 20:31

"fooling about (splashing to much etc)"

This is utterly wrong at 3

If teacher can't cope with a 3-yr-old behaving like a 3-yr-old someone else should take the class.

(But I think 3 is too young for formal lessons too, sorry)

paisleyleaf · 23/09/2009 20:35

yanbu
I really think that the single most important thing about swimming lessons is that the children (especially as young as yours) have fun.
I know children will go up and down about whether or not they want to go. But this sounds like your DD was genuinely scared.

That teacher sounds very similar to one by us, who we tried for a while as she has a great reputation. But her attitude and bullying really set DD back. I forfeited the money I paid up front rather than continue and took DD back to classes where I went in with her for another 6 mths or so and she thrived.

redskyatnight · 23/09/2009 20:37

Hmm,looking at his from the other side. My 3 year old DD goes to what I assume are a similar sort of swimming lesson. She's had 3 lessons so far this term. First lesson 15 minutes of the lesson were taken up by the teacher trying to console various weeping children. Second lesson it was 10 minutes. By the third lesson there had been many complaints from the parents of the non-criers (the lesson is only 30 minutes so they were "losing" a large proportion of it) and the teacher was pretty much ignoring the criers.

I have to admit that while I am sympathetic to the upset children, parents shouldn't be putting their children in lessons such as this if they are not confident that their children are able to cope with them. And it is the duty of the parent, not the teacher to deal with upset children.

morningpaper · 23/09/2009 20:40

Mine cried for the first lesson but the teachers were nice, carrying her on their hips and talking to her. So I think it depends how they reacted TBH - if they were looking after her and she was crying then actually, I think it is better for her to get used to it. If they were NOT looking after her properly then YANBU to remove her.

ThingOne · 23/09/2009 20:41

"Stubborn and uncooperative" at three? That's perfectly normal behaviour. If they can't cope with three year olds being three they shouldn't have put her in the class. YANBU.

Ponders · 23/09/2009 20:56

redskyatnight, "parents shouldn't be putting their children in lessons such as this if they are not confident that their children are able to cope with them"

See, I don't think lessons like this for 3-yr-olds should exist, regardless of confidence (of parents or children). Lessons for pre-schoolers should be done with parents or not at all.

Toady · 23/09/2009 21:12

I think probably three years is a bit young for your three year old anyway. There should be mother and toddler swimming groups for you.

Saying that I have been helping out with swimming at my daughter and now sons nursery, they start swimming lessons on their own at about three years. AS well as the swimming teacher there are a few mummies that help too.

If any of the children are upset they are taken by one of the mummies on a one to one and then maybe sit on the edge of the pool with their feet in the water and then slowly in their own time gradually introduced into the water with a ball, if they want to cling to us they can, if they dont want to go in the water the first time thats fine. We have just started a new term with 3/4 years now and there are a lot of tears with new children etc. That is fine children this age should not be pushed to something they are nervous of. I think leaving your daughter to cry is terrible (in any situation) to be honest and I would not send her there again.

Toady · 23/09/2009 21:16

"I think probably three years is a bit young for your three year old anyway"

Sorry that sentence didnt make much sense, what I meant was with my experience of helping with swimming is that some three year olds are absolutely fine in jumping in the water without their mummies or one to one and others arn't, my son needs me to be there for him which is why I help at swimming, although he is getting better, hopefully.

MmeLindt · 23/09/2009 21:18

She is very young for formal lessons, and at 3yo to be described as "stubborn and uncooperative" is just ridiculous. That is what 3yo do, they are stubborn (or was that just mine?)

How did the teacher react to her crying? Did she get comforted or ignored?

I would take her out of lessons if she is unhappy.

And why are the dunking the children? I can understand them encouraging the DC to put their heads underwater but do you mean that they are pushing them underwater?

Toady · 23/09/2009 21:18

"I think leaving your daughter to cry is terrible (in any situation) to be honest and I would not send her there again"

God I should read before posting I meant the TEACHERS leaving your daughter to cry not YOU.

Anyway hope I've helped

SardineQueen · 23/09/2009 21:22

Ditto the others, pack the lessons in littleducks. Sounds all wrong to me. She is only 3, it should be fun.

BrigitBigKnickers · 23/09/2009 21:22

SOunds about right for a swimming teacher- they are a mean shouty breed IME!

ilovemydogandmrobama · 23/09/2009 21:25

DD (3) just started swimming lessons, and think it depends on how good the teacher is.

At first DD was nervous/anxious about putting her face in the water, but she was encouraged, but not forced.

Also, think being with peers is useful as far as trying new things and can be reassuring -- i.e. if Evie can do it, I can do it too!

She has been so excited about what she was able to do in swim class and has increased her confidence.

hanaboo · 23/09/2009 21:26

imo swimming lessons are crap! u can teach them more going with them on your own, they often have loads of kids so only spend about 5 mins of the lesson on your child, the other 25 mins is spent standing in line. i've been teaching my dd myself and shes coming along much better than my friends child who is in lessons, shes now taking her out and coming swimming with us instead