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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask my Ex for a lift?

33 replies

hatesponge · 23/08/2009 12:42

Have posted lots before about my Ex, who is an arse of the highest order (this is why he's my Ex, of course!)

Am going away with our DC for a few days at the end of this month. I don't drive so normally travel everywhere by public transport. Which generally is not a problem. However, on working out our journey, have realised that as there is no direct route, it will take in the region of 4 hours to get there by train .

The same journey by car would be about 1.5 hours, maybe even slightly less if no traffic.

I have enquired about a taxi - would cost £200! (which whilst I'm not on the poverty line is still an awful lot of money to spend - train fares will be maybe £60).

Also the DC want to take their bikes with them - not essential & they might have to do without BUT if Ex agrees to give us a lift they can put them on the bike carrier on the back of his car.

So, AIBU to think of asking him for a lift? (even if just for the DC & I get the train?)

I wouldn't mind so much getting train myself - in fact its probably more appealing than sitting in a car with him - but I just feel a bit sorry for the DC doing a 4 hour train journey......

OP posts:
colditz · 23/08/2009 12:46

If he cares about the children having a good time, he might do it. I would do it if my ex ever took the boys away.

wheredidiputmyfone · 23/08/2009 12:46

I don't think you're being UR, esp if you say what you've put on here about you not being bothered about going by train, and your DC bikes. You're not going to lose anything by asking are you? Just talking to your children all the way in the car, perhaps one of them could sit up front with him?

Suzy123 · 23/08/2009 13:16

Sorry, i wouldnt ask. He's your ex, why would you even consider it? OK it will take longer but you still get there in the end. Do you want him to think you cant do without him?

Original poster
hatesponge · 23/08/2009 13:25

Suzy, I knew there was a reason I was reluctant to ask him & you've hit the nail on the head. I am a very independent person but because I can't drive I always end up in situations where I either can't get to places, or if I can it involves a long and/or expensive journey.

However I hate asking for 'favours' from Ex, or having him think I need him.

Now am not sure what to do.

OP posts:
FabBakerGirlIsBack · 23/08/2009 13:27

Book some driving lessons.

Make the train journey part of the holiday.

Thunderduck · 23/08/2009 13:31

I wouldn't ask.

I don't see the problem with the kids doing 4 hour train journey. It isn't that long.

They might even enjoy it. I loved train journeys as a child. Many children do. There's a certain novelty about it. It's much more pleasant than travelling by coach.

mayorquimby · 23/08/2009 13:33

i think yabu. it's a bit much to ask someone to drive your stuff for you to your holiday destination and then expect them to turn around and go home leaving you to enjoy your time.
as you say he's your ex for a reason and this would probably look to him as though you are trying to rub his nose in the fact that your having a nice little break

Original poster
hatesponge · 23/08/2009 13:33

FBG - Have had many lessons, and 4 failed tests. Unfortunately, I think I am one of those people who will never crack it & have resigned myself to probably never being able to drive.

OP posts:
Uriel · 23/08/2009 13:33

Isn't it possible for the kids to take their bikes on the train?

Thunderduck · 23/08/2009 13:35

Failing 4 tests doesn't mean that you can't drive. A friend passed on her 8th attempt after 4 years of lessons.

Original poster
hatesponge · 23/08/2009 13:35

MQ - I take your point, however he has already taken them to Mexico this summer so I don't think he is put out by me taking them to the seaside for a few days

OP posts:
Original poster
hatesponge · 23/08/2009 13:41

Uriel - it's not just one train; the reason the journey is so long is that we're not going direct; we have to get train into London, then another train out from a different station. We could walk between stations so they could ride/push their bikes BUT that would mean me managing all the luggage on my own. [ pathetic weakling emoticon]

It's possible I suppose - assuming the train co's let you take bikes on? Will have to check that out.

OP posts:
Lovesdogsandcats · 23/08/2009 13:53

Agree, make up some games for the train journey, ie first to see 10 swings in gardens, first to see a canal, etc. Will be fun.

Mutt · 23/08/2009 13:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mutt · 23/08/2009 13:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mutt · 23/08/2009 13:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MuthaHubbard · 23/08/2009 14:11

Well my ex gave me a lift to the airport whe I took my kids away (for the first time alone!!) to Majorca a few weeks ago.

My step-dad was going to take us but got a new job that involved night shifts so couldn't and I can't drive (we had to be there by 5am).

I asked and offered petrol, though I did sit in the back with my son. We get on ok now so wasn't that much of an issue for me.

We got the train back but he did offer to come and pick us up from the station.

Because I was asking for something that would benefit the kids (well I think so!) it really didn't bother me asking.

Original poster
hatesponge · 23/08/2009 14:38

Doesnt look as though we can take the bikes. DC are now distinctly unhappy, and even less impressed about it taking 4 hours to travel 80 miles.

DS1 now refusing to go unless it's by car

Anyone want to swap a truculent 11 year old for something easier to manage?

OP posts:
MamaKaty · 23/08/2009 14:53

I wouldn't ask him... why give him the satisfaction of saying no or making it unpleasant for you on the journey?
Train journeys can be fun - even with kids in tow!! Most kids will enjoy looking out the train window and playing games where they have to spot new things and bring a bag of colouring things or books.

Thunderduck · 23/08/2009 15:05

There may be a place where they can hire bikes when they get there.

CarGirl · 23/08/2009 15:11

Tell DS1 to either invite himself to stay with his Dad or he has to come with you!

fluffles · 23/08/2009 15:57

do you really have to go to the place you are going to?

i haven't had a car most of my life and have always looked at public transport BEFORE choosing a holiday or trip destination.

is it too late to change to somewhere on a single train journey??

Suzy123 · 23/08/2009 16:25

Hatesponge, i split with my ex two years ago. I never in all that time booked a holiday, sorted finances etc. and was absolutely clueless as to what to do. Since the split i have taken kids (3) on two holidays on my own. Now im not superwoman and nor am i here to brag but believe me when you return from your break you will feel so good that you did it on your own, youll wonder what all the fuss was about. Im guessing youre probably a little scared, it is hard on your own, full responsibility of looking after kids yourself but when youre single, you do it. Dont let 11 year old dictate to you or youre in trouble - although if you had previously mentioned going by car with ex, then prob. its not his fault hes now creating. Anyway like Thunderduck said, hire the bikes when you get there and go and have a great time!

ohnelly · 23/08/2009 17:16

Yes ask him, he can always say no if he wants to. I dont see what the problem is

pooexplosions · 24/08/2009 09:17

Such negative attitudes to a co-parent! Shouldn't the relationship be as friendly and so-operative as possible? I know thats not always possible, but isn't it the aim?

Depends on the relationship you have I suppose, but I find the responses about being independent and not asking for anything quite sad. Theres nothing weak about mutual co-operation for the benefit of your children.