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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think friends ar a bit selfish when it comes to holidays

36 replies

katiestar · 15/08/2009 18:11

A couple who are neighbours of ours have 4 children -2 bots 10 and 8 and 2 girls 6 and 5.
Mum has been on holiday several weekend and 1 full week skiing with her friends.Dad has had a weeks skiing with his friends plus another week skiing with his father + eldest son.Then mum and dad have taken the 2 eldest boys on a weeks skiing with 2 other families , and left the 2 little girls at home and school with the grandparents coming to look after them Reason - they couldn't afford for them all to go !

Feel really sorrt for the youngest 2 who haven't had a holiday at all.
We are very old fashioned I think, in that we all go as a family and if we can't afford for everyone to do it,then we find something cheaper.I'm probably a bit envious of all their holidays although I don't think I'd actually feel right about being away so much without my DC.

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 15/08/2009 18:13

I would say parents away without children sounds like a good idea (if you don't get twitchy being away from your kids). But some children getting a holiday and the others not getting one at all seems a bit mean. Fair enough if they get to do two different things, but not if on set doesn't get anything.

cornsillk · 15/08/2009 18:13

2 year old probably doesn't know any different? Does seem a bit mean though.

Original poster
katiestar · 15/08/2009 18:15

sorry I mean the youngest 2 children ie the 6yo and the 5 yo

OP posts:
HaggisNeepsnTatties · 15/08/2009 18:17

I think YABU - its up to them how they decide to holiday and who to take....and a holiday without kids sounds bliss...

kinnies · 15/08/2009 18:30

Sounds like they are very unkind!!

YANBU

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/08/2009 18:35

nothing wrong with parents going away WITHOUT children

but

then the whole family do need to go away/spend time together as well

does seem a bit unfair that the parents both go away without their children, and the older 2 have a family holiday but the younger 2 who at 5 and 6 arent babies get left out

herbietea · 15/08/2009 18:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Niecie · 15/08/2009 18:35

I wouldn't have a week long holiday without the children but if they want to no problem with that.

But it seems a bit odd that the 10 yr old boy gets 2 holidays and the two girls, who are old enough to realise they are missing out, get nothing.

YANBU

LaurieFairyCake · 15/08/2009 18:38

I don't think the two youngest are bound to know they're missing out - bet they think they're on holiday at the grandparents

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/08/2009 18:40

they werent at the gps'

the gp's went to their house and the family took out the boys from school on holiday

yet the girls had no holiday and had to go to school

very unfair imho

TheFallenMadonna · 15/08/2009 18:44

Well - finanaces permitting () DH and I intend to go away next summer without our children. And we won't be able to afford another holiday with them as well. They won't be bothered, and will stay with their grandparents and have a ball.

It's only a problem if the children are bothered by it. What you do is irrelevant really.

questioneverything · 15/08/2009 19:46

They will get reported to SS next for non-holiday abuse.

nooka · 15/08/2009 19:54

My parents did this (also a family of four). Their reasoning was that when we were younger we wouldn't appreciate the trip. It worked out fair in the end because we got taken on trips when my elder brother and sister were deemed too old for family holidays. I would disprove of holidays taken in term time, but that's another thread entirely... There does appear to be a bit of a thing with the skiing - my parents were similar about walking holidays - when we were younger we were very glad not to be dragged along!

muggglewump · 15/08/2009 19:58

I've just posted in another thread about how I've been to London twice without DD, and both of those times there was no holiday for her.
The year before I went to Belgium for the Grand Prix without her, though I did take her on a Sun Holiday.

I needed time alone, I needed space and she went to my best friend two doors away and had a ball.

If it works for them, and the kids are happy, then I don't see the problem.

Original poster
katiestar · 16/08/2009 11:13

But i wonder if the younger kids are happy ?Would you have been happy to stay at home and go to school while boith your parents take your siblings off on holiday ?

OP posts:
skihorse · 16/08/2009 12:00

Do you ski? It's clear to me that this family love skiing. Skiing with whiny brats who can't ski is a waste of time, money and resources and will make everyone unhappy.

lyraSilvertongue · 16/08/2009 12:09

YANBU. I think the parents are very selfish to pay for themselves to go away several times a year but their little girls get nothing. If they cut back on their weekend trips they could surely afford to take their daughters somewhere.

junglist1 · 16/08/2009 14:21

It would be nice for them to do something altogether aswell, I think. It doesn't seem right. Hopefully they might plan something else

chablis · 16/08/2009 14:57

YABU and it's none of your business really

The problem is that you're applying your perceptions of what is fair/ unfair/ selfish/unselfish etc on this family. You don't know any of the circumstances.

Not everyone enjoys big family holidays, and I agree a skiing holiday with non-skiing children can be pointless and expensive.

How do you know that they're not planning to take th girls somewhere else on another occasion?

How do you know that the girls are even remotely bothered?!

As others have said, the girls will get their family holiday chances when the boys have left home too.

Family holidays are massively overrated anyway IMHO

Original poster
katiestar · 16/08/2009 15:08

No you are right it isn't my business , it is more the trend to do this sort of thing that interests me.
Among my friends ,it seems a lot more unusual to go together just as a family ie without other families coming along too , or without children being left with GPs or taken but put in holiday clubs all day every day.I actually love that on holiday we get to spend time together as a family ,I love being able to show the DC new things and shring new experiences.

OP posts:
juicyjolly · 16/08/2009 15:09

YANBU...I would never go on holiday and pick and choose which child can come and which cant!

Going on a break with your partner is one thing but to leave some kids and not others is just cruel!

Longtalljosie · 16/08/2009 15:15

I ski, ski-horse, and knew how to by the age of 6...

As far as ski-ing with "whiny brats" is concerned, what's the difference between 6 and 8? They'll both be at ski-school half the day presumably, anyway...

BadgersArse · 16/08/2009 15:23

i dont htink i matters re the younger kids but the OLDER kids see them as a "disposable " part of the family

saying that rather at home than in a creche at resort

Mailcentreplus · 16/08/2009 15:36

..do you know the complete circumstances?...maybe they said they couldn't afford it to you to get their nosey neighbour off their backs ..I would'nt judge tis their business..have you spoken to the little girls in question to check they have'nt been emotionally affected by this?

Stayingsunnygirl · 16/08/2009 15:52

It is clearly not fair to treat some children in the family differently to others. I bet that the 6yo and 5yo realise that they are missing out and aren't happy about it.

TheFallenMadonna - in my opinion, the situation you are discussing is very different - you are still going to be treating all your children the same - and I have no problem with parents occasionally having a holiday on their own - dh took me to Egypt for a week to celebrate my 40th birthday.