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AIBU?

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Original poster

Are there no more thank-you notes?

52 replies

peachyfox · 10/08/2009 13:08

For the last three years DP and I have taken his nieces and nephews on holiday - a special holiday just for them as we don't have kids yet. Otherwise they wouldn't have one. We pay for the whole thing, and this is sometimes v. expensive, villas with pools abroad, etc. This year was a bit crap, because I'm nearly due, and we had them here at home, but still took them out and did stuff, beach, windsurfing, lots of treats, etc.

They all said thank you very nicely and both sets of parents thanked us.

We've never had a note. Are there no more thank you notes?

We always had to write thank you notes at Christmas and birthdays etc. I hated doing it, and my mum would have to harangue remind us day after day, making us get 2 or 3 done at a time, to thank distant aunts and uncles for their stationary/dolls in national dress/bath foam etc. But I have to say, it taught me to write letters properly and as it was expected, they were absolutely right to make me do it.

Perhaps I'm just old-fashioned but I thought notes were important.

OP posts:
MIAonline · 10/08/2009 13:15

I still do them for DS and would expect him to when he is older, but I know a lot of people don't see the point of them.

They are not vital if you have been thanked personally, but if it is from a relative or friend who has sent a parcel and you haven't spoken to them I think it is rude not acknowledge receipt of something, whether that be letter or phone.

nickelbabe · 10/08/2009 13:18

i agree that if your present comes from someone you haven't seen that you should write a thank you, but if you have thanked them in person it's not required.

Original poster
peachyfox · 10/08/2009 13:18

I'm not sure it's just about thanks though, isn't it more about effort? These kids are 11-16 btw.

OP posts:
arolf · 10/08/2009 13:24

I'm keen on thank you notes too - but it seems that in my family, only my mum and grandma agree with me on them. My father and siblings tend to not even bother with a verbal thank you, and IMO it's exceptionally rude. My grandma gets deeply pissed off at her son and her other grandchildren for never thanking her for anything - and my siblings get pissed off that I have ended up getting a lot of very good presents from her, and they haven't.
My mum used to nag us into writing them when we were younger too (and nag dad), so I think I just got into the habit. I do like writing letters generally though, so maybe that's why I like sending thank you notes? but really, how much effort does it take to scrawl a note on a postcard and pop it in the mail?

However, at least you get a verbal thank you - it could be a lot worse!

TheProfiteroleThief · 10/08/2009 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tortoise · 10/08/2009 13:27

I think the constant hassling my Mum used to have to do to get me doing thank you notes has put me off doing them with my DC.
And i really hated having to do them!

auntyitaly · 10/08/2009 13:28

YANBU - a thank-you note is deeply in order, partic for a holiday.

A propos of the 'old-fashioned' question - everyone, but everyone notices when they're not thanked. Written or otherwise.

enprovence · 10/08/2009 13:31

I agree that if you got a verbal thanks then that is fine, but an additional note, or post card would have really made the difference.

As a child my Mum would make me write to great aunts and other relatives and family friends I barely knew who sent me gifts. It was just the poilte thing to do.

Whenever I have a birthday party for my children I always get them to write a thank-you note to each child for the presents. I buy the cards in packs of 10 from M&S, then they hand them out at school.

Original poster
peachyfox · 10/08/2009 13:33

Thanks Profthief, I'm glad you agree.

Tortoise, I know!

My nephew stays with my parents and does a scrapbook over the week which he leaves with them as a thank you.

OP posts:
Tamarto · 10/08/2009 13:33

I dislike people who do things for the gratitude, you are thanked both by the children and the parents if that isn't enough for you stop doing it. Of course when you are explaining the fact that you wont take them on holiday because they don't write their thanks down expect a few funny looks.

ZippysMum · 10/08/2009 13:36

The scrapbook is a lovely idea.

We do thank you notes, and so will our DC's.
My DH hates to do them, agonises for hours over them, but I can dash one off in a flash - all that training when I was little!

Oh, and they have to be handwritten - no e mail or printed from the computer.

Original poster
peachyfox · 10/08/2009 13:45

Tamarto - we didn't do it for the gratitude - how mean you make me sound! If this was a 'well they didn't write a note so that's the last time' thread, I would have written in two years ago.

Zippy, me too! The formula was an easy one: intro + reference to gift + broaden out to xmas as a whole + something requiring an exclamation mark + expression of desire to see them soon = job done and out to play .

OP posts:
mumeeee · 10/08/2009 14:10

We only do notes if we have not been able to thank people personally.

theansweris42 · 10/08/2009 14:15

I wasn't really made to do them when young, but always always do these days and have since I left home. For a big thing like a holiday I would come up with some kind of uber-thank-you note...like the lovely scrapbook.
YANBU

LightShinesInTheDarkness · 10/08/2009 14:18

When my niece was 18 we bought her a pair of diamond earrings. Three weeks later I got a thank-you, by text!

Sorry but I think notes are important - we do them for DCs presents and I write personal notes of thanks often, for lovely meals, favours, gifts.

Tamarto · 10/08/2009 14:19

I don't understand how something grudged would make you happier than a freely given thank you, you said yourself you hated doing them, if that's the case what were they worth compared to a genuine thanks?

cbellesmum · 10/08/2009 14:24

i always help my dd write hers (5) but we hardly ever ger them back nieces nephews etc.
A couple of friends do thou.
mmost of the time we dont get a thank you email..

grouchyoscar · 10/08/2009 14:25

I have done TQ cards to anyone who has given DS a gift/treat since he was born, even getting him to hold a pencil while I moved the card for the scribble

He's been lucky enough to have restorers of classic cars let him sit in them, play with the horn and the like. We popped thank you cards in the next time we passed. Great experiences

Tesco do packs of 10 blank cards for 99p so that's a really nice, cheap way of saying thanks

Nancy66 · 10/08/2009 14:32

If you've already had a heartfelt personal thank you from parents and children then I can't see the need to follow it up in writing.

sleeplessinstretford · 10/08/2009 14:35

i don't do them or ask my children to do them unless it's people who we've not seen to thank in person.I sent photos of the baby on her birthday to those who we didn't see on the day with a little note to say thanks but i don't expect them back either to be honest. I would rather a genuine expression of gratitude than being forced into doing something.

Orangesarenottheonlyfruit · 10/08/2009 14:39

I totally agree about thank you notes. I always write them, like others have said, due to having my mum nag me when little. But people do truly appreciate it. I think the children should do it in this case.

DH's family don't really 'do' thanking, which I think is terribly rude. His niece actually sent a mail merge thank you note after their wedding (on cheap office paper)! I was utterly appalled! And after this Christmas when I bought 27 presents for his family (there are quite a few of them) and only got one note from my MIL I vowed to no longer buy them presents. It's gift vouchers for the lot!

makipuppy · 10/08/2009 14:46

Tamarto I believe it's more, or at least as much, for them as for me, I'm a manners freak perhaps.

I did hate doing them for dolls in national costume - but if someone had taken me on a plane for the first time, made endless ice-cream floats and taught me to ride a bike, etc. I might have been more enthusiastic.

It helped my English massively. I read this week that swathes of kids can't write complete grammatical sentences and notes are good practice surely?

An email would have been great too - also just to show they didn't forget all about us as soon as they were gone!

fledtoscotland · 10/08/2009 15:31

YANBU

i write on behalf of my boys (they are 11months and 21months) and usually include a small gift if we have been staying with family.

With all xmas and birthday presents, a thankyou note is always sent in the 1st week of january.

Harri1 · 10/08/2009 15:34

I think thank you notes are a lovely gesture even if you've said thank you in person, it shows that you've taken time to think about whatever was done for you or given to you as a gift. Perhps old fashioned but thoughtful and more of what's needed in this day and age

JiminyCricket · 10/08/2009 15:37

I hate them, but I know they mean a lot to some