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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not help my best friend?

40 replies

Nancy66 · 10/07/2009 11:24

My BF and I work in the same industry.

In order to do our jobs properly we need to own a key piece of kit.

For the past two years she has been borrowing mine. I must have lent it to her 20 times. She never voluntarily gives it back - i always have to chase her. It's not malicious she's just scatty and disorganised.

Every time she says it will be the last and she will definitely buy her own. The last time she had it, I had to chase her for its return and ended up having to reorganise my own work because of it.

she's just asked again this morning and I said no, sorry you can't keep diong this.

She's just emailed me saying she feels let down and that she has lost the commission because of me.

Now I feel awful.

OP posts:
Tamarto · 10/07/2009 11:25

No it's her own fault she should have bought it herself yanbu

FigmentOfYourImagination · 10/07/2009 11:27

tough tits.

YANBU

Nekabu · 10/07/2009 11:27

Two years is ample time for her to have got one for herself, whether secondhand or saved up and bought one new.

TheProvincialLady · 10/07/2009 11:32

She didn't lose the commission because of you, she lost it because she doesn't own the essential piece of kit that she should have replaced 2 years ago.

AMumInScotland · 10/07/2009 11:34

YANBU - she's been taking the piss for two years. She may feel miffed you've finally grown a backbone, but tough!

expatinscotland · 10/07/2009 11:35

Don't feel awful.

She needs to buy her own gear.

YANBU.

Original poster
Nancy66 · 10/07/2009 11:36

Glad you're all saying that.

she is a good mate and she would help me out but this has been a huge bug bear for ages now.

DP says I'm a cow and I should have just lent it to her as I don't need it today....

OP posts:
weegiemum · 10/07/2009 11:36

YANBU. Especially as she never voluntarily gives it back.

Am all about what the essential bit of kit is - I clearly don't have enough to do!

BettyTurnip · 10/07/2009 11:37

When people post messages like this I'm always too busy imagining what the mystery item/name/event/place etc could be to actually think of any sage advice.

Original poster
Nancy66 · 10/07/2009 11:38

It's recording equipment.

OP posts:
BettyTurnip · 10/07/2009 11:38

x-post weegiemum!

WinkyWinkola · 10/07/2009 11:39

YANBU.

Her work - her professional duty to provide the kit she needs for it.

expatinscotland · 10/07/2009 11:39

I hope you're feeling better, OP. That's just lame that she's making your feel bad about her taking the piss for two years.

auntyitaly · 10/07/2009 11:40

YANBU. She should have bought it. Do you ever borrow from her, let alone constantly use her essential kit to do your job?

She's got a cheek complaining to you, too.

flowerybeanbag · 10/07/2009 11:42

She should have bought it herself by now, I absolutely agree.

However I think in those circumstances, if she's been able to borrow it without problem for two years, and needed it today, I would have lent it to her on this occasion but said this is the last time, you need to get your own, I won't be lending it anymore. That way she knows before the next job that she has no access to equipment, iyswim?

weegiemum · 10/07/2009 11:43

Recording equipment? Awwww. I was just on messenger with dh and he reckoned it was a portable pole dancing pole!

kidcreoleandthecoconuts · 10/07/2009 11:44

YANBU. She should have her own equipment. However i would probably have warned her first and said that this is the last time I'm going to lend it to her etc..

midnightexpress · 10/07/2009 11:44

weegiemum, that's ^exactly what I was thinking. Am rather deflated.

midnightexpress · 10/07/2009 11:44

Oh, and I agree with everyone else. YANBU.

expatinscotland · 10/07/2009 11:44

I thought it was dominatrix equipment .

weegiemum · 10/07/2009 11:45

Great minds, midnight

expatinscotland · 10/07/2009 11:45

that's even worse than portable pole.

boudoiricca · 10/07/2009 11:46

Err... am going to go against the grain and say if this were my best friend and she urgently needed this thing today and I didn't I would lend it to her, but emphasise in no uncertain terms that this is absolutely the LAST time and she HAS to get off her arse and buy one. And mean it.

But I am a wuss...

AMumInScotland · 10/07/2009 11:46

It would maybe be different if she always returned it promptly, but she has been disrupting your work for 2 years, so she doesn't have a leg to stand on over this.

Your DP is also being unfair - ok you don't need it today, but what about all the other times you did need it, and didn't have it because she is totally thoughtless and selfish and didn't return it promptly?

She won't understand anything short of a clear "No", and she need to take responsibility for getting her own one, not disrupting your life by borriwing all the time.

Original poster
Nancy66 · 10/07/2009 11:46

flowery - the last time she borrowed it i made a big point of saying it had to be the last time and she said she would buy one that day.

DP says i should just accept she's crap and flakey, give her my one and buy another.

Weegie - sorry to disappoint you. Although we could be porn stars

OP posts: