To not help my best friend?

[Nancy66]

My BF and I work in the same industry.

In order to do our jobs properly we need to own a key piece of kit.

For the past two years she has been borrowing mine. I must have lent it to her 20 times. She never voluntarily gives it back - i always have to chase her. It's not malicious she's just scatty and disorganised.

Every time she says it will be the last and she will definitely buy her own. The last time she had it, I had to chase her for its return and ended up having to reorganise my own work because of it.

she's just asked again this morning and I said no, sorry you can't keep diong this.

She's just emailed me saying she feels let down and that she has lost the commission because of me.

Now I feel awful.

You'd have to change your name to nancy69

I agree with your DP, I think. But I am pretty crapand flakey at times so that's probably why! I can see where you're coming from too though.

Oh....I'm a wuss, I'm a wuss. I've caved. Told her if it's not too late she can borrow it.

I'm actually not usually a push over. But she's my best mate, former flat mate, pal of 20 years - the woman who buys the best presents ever and who makes me laugh like a drain.

DP is right. I am a cow.

How are you a cow?

She'll just keep on like this, though. So you'd probably best give it to her to avoid getting upset about it anymore.

You aren't a cow. You are nice and have boundaries and occasionally allow your niceness to win out in a boundary/niceness clash. Sounds like you are lovely to me. Hopefully Flakey will see that you really don't like being pushed to lend your equipment every time and take some steps to sort things out now.

You are not a cow, especially if you did say last time that it would be the last time and she promised she'd get one.

Buy her one for her birthday.

You're not a cow. I think you did the right thing.

But call her at the end of the day and arrange to get it back. Then bug her all weekend to make her go out and buy her own (and a great thank you present for you ).

YANBU and are definitely not a cow.

You can either say this is the last time or keep lending it to her and keep feeling crap about it.

Her blaming you and then you giving in will make it more likely she will take you for granted again.

As for your DP saying give her yours and you buy a new one.

shes taking the piss granted - but you didn't need it today

and she's your BF - not just some friend that you have.

i would have lent my BF anything for any amount of time forever.

We;ve just had a phone chat and a good old laugh about it.

she says she feels like a heroin junkie begging for the money for one last fix and that my attemps at tough love are pathetic.

She's apologised for blaming me and admitted she is a tardy, disorganised fuckwit.

she's just emailed saying:

"by the way if i ever do become a heroin addict that begs you for cash - you really must say 'no' "

..which made me laugh out loud and remember why I love her.

She sounds funny. You sound like you are v good friends. [happy sentimental sigh]

Yanbu to be tired of it but as she seem to be a REALLY good friend would it be very expensive to buy her as a present(next birthday or something)the precious piece of equipement she is missing and have a good laugh about it with her? I should add that I have no idea of the cost of "recording equipement" so might be unrealistic!

I love a happy ending!
(YWNBU, BTW)