Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to F-ing SCREAM

47 replies

OmFg · 02/07/2009 15:33

I have someone i havn't seen for a long time staying at my house ATM and she has been here TWO fucking days and I just want to rip all my hair out into a little pile and kick it!!!

So many reasons, patent disregard/disrespect for any of my stuff, quite happily put the futon on a bunch of stuff and didn't even check if it was broken, will see when they go, pulled this sheet stuff i am putting under a barked part of garden all out so her and her son can lay on it, when there was sun loungers right fucking next to them.

Her son wound down the window in the car and broke the roller blinds on the, what did she say? 'i don't think he will be able to do that' so what? am i lying?

Her son wont wear a seatbelt properly and she won't get him to, so i have to plug him in and just hop he lasts the journey and stop if she tells me he is out.

She lets her son run off and I spend ages just waiting around for them, she has no control over him and lets him do whatever he wants, if not he just crys and crys until he gets it.
I am afraid that her sons bad behaviour will rub off onto my son!

She left my door unlocked when we went out so anybody could have walked in and stolen anything and i wouldn't be insured.

She won't pay for anything, I have spent a fortune on food etc because she wants to go for picnics but then avoids paying for anything, I do get it, she is a single mum, but so am I and I can't afford it either.

I am feeling really angry and a bit trapped tbh because she isn't going home until monday, just tell me Ianbu, and stroke my poor stressed head

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 02/07/2009 15:34

YANBU {grin]

ilove · 02/07/2009 15:36

Erm, I'd tell her to leave!

Original poster
OmFg · 02/07/2009 15:36

Thank you Fanjo leans head on comfy bussom for more head stroking

OP posts:
Original poster
OmFg · 02/07/2009 15:37

Should I tell her to leave? she would have nowhere to stay, and I am going to have to see her at the weekend because of an event we are both going to, it would make it too hostile surely?

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 02/07/2009 15:38

just think how much you will enjoy your peace and quiet when she leaves!

Singstar · 02/07/2009 15:38

can you invent a family emergency that you have to go to and requires her to leave your house ... immediately ?

That or an infestation of skin eating deadly ants in your house or something ?

Alternatively, wine is a great tonic for situations like this. Good luck

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 02/07/2009 15:39

I probably wouldn't tell her to leave..but if she wants to go for a picnic I would say "well you'll have to pay for this one, I am skint now"...

Well I might say it, or I might say nothing and be resentful inside

VinegarTits · 02/07/2009 15:41

She sounds like my best friend, i love her but only in small doses, would never let her stay at my house for more than one night!

did you know she was like this before you invited her to stay?

Original poster
OmFg · 02/07/2009 15:42

Or I'll make sure everything I buy has meat products or meat in (veggie)

Hmm, need a family emergancy...

I might invite my sister over tonight and hope she sees my houseguest doing something and puts her in her place...

OP posts:
SammyK · 02/07/2009 15:42

Does she drive, get ready to hop in the shower, run an errand, and ask her casually to pop to the shops, give her a small reasonable list of general things like milk, juice, tea, biccies, apples something like that. A good friend will just go and buy them. If she asks you for the money or is ungracious about it you have your answer.

YANBU - scream away!

How old are yours and hers dcs?

Original poster
OmFg · 02/07/2009 15:44

I haven't really see her for years, especially for no longer than a couple of hours, she did used to not give a shit about anyones things, but i figured she would have grown up a bit.

There won't be a repeat invite!

OP posts:
Weegle · 02/07/2009 15:44

I would just start being more assertive.

"Don't wind the window down, you will break the blind and your mum will have to pay for it"

"Right, I shouted last picnic - your turn now"

"Make sure you lock the door when you go out - I don't want to be burgled"

And if that approach doesn't work... be even more direct, tell her you're finding it stressful but don't want to fall out so can we get some groundrules sorted?

Original poster
OmFg · 02/07/2009 15:48

She doesn't drive, I have been running her around, and her little sister and brother (she cant stay with because different mum)and a car full of stuff, even when I pointed out that I can't afford to run them about there was no offers of petrol money and lifts were still expected.

I have used at least £30 of petrol over these two days, that wuld usually last me more than a week.

I hate having to hint for it even, I have always paid my way with my friends and always seem to attract spongers.

OP posts:
Weegle · 02/07/2009 15:51

That's where you're going wrong - it's lovely that you're like that with friends who appreciate you. This one needs a different approach. I really think you're going to have to be direct, and certainly don't sub her anymore as it's not fair on you and your son - say "We just can't afford all this petrol and food, you're going to have to help out else I'm going to end up resenting you".

Kimi · 02/07/2009 15:55

Kick her out, and her horrid child

Hassled · 02/07/2009 15:56

You need to sit her down and tell her that a)you can't afford any more petrol, b) you can't afford any more picnics and c) you're not really used to sharing your space (if you make it seem like you're at fault, there won't be a row) and is there anywhere else she could go for a cople of nights? If she has family in the area it seems rough that you're stuck with her.

Then don't contact her again for about 3 years.

SammyK · 02/07/2009 15:57

I think I would ask her to leave too actually.

iamtrufflepig · 02/07/2009 16:08

Agree with hassled. You just have to tell her straight. You still have a few days to go with her and if you don't set the record straight you will end up having an argument or ending up broke and miserable. It's your house, you have a right expect her to respect your stuff and also to pay her way.

SerendipitousHarlot · 02/07/2009 16:11

Also agree with hassled. It has to be sorted or you'll end up losing it! Horrible conversation to have to have, but you do need to have it.

minouminou · 02/07/2009 16:49

Gotta say...you're gonna have to bite the bullet.
We had a friend staying with us for over a month after she came back from Thailand - she came back v early because her c**tlug boyfriend beat the crap out of her in a Bangkok hotel and she didn't have a job or a home.
She got sorted with a job v quickly, but the promised 2 weeks stay turned into 5, and as I felt sorry for her, I didn't say owt about her habits, which were those of a single girl in a flatshare, not a family home with a (then) 3 month old baby.
Resentment festered bigtime, and our friendship is now, almost 2.5 years later, getting back on track.
However, she's someone I've always valued as a friend, so it depends if you value this woman highly or not.
Good luck.
And have a brief sojourn on my bosom as well.

MummyDragon · 02/07/2009 17:29

YANBU and here's a stroke for your head, but I agree with the others that you do need to talk to your friend. I can't offer you a sojourn on my bosom as it is very, very small!!! Good luck

Servalan · 02/07/2009 17:57

YANBU

The only thing is, it is clear your friend has the hide of a rhino. Subtle hints clearly aren't working. She may well be one of these oblivious people who just aren't tuned in to how other people are feeling.

I think you need to be explicit about your boundaries - like you'd be with a child really. Better do it now in a nice, calm and friendly way than in a couple of days in an angry, confrontational way cos you've reached the end of your tether!!

Your home. Your boundaries. Your rules. Not unreasonable things to expect. Good luck :-)

laloue · 02/07/2009 18:23

Yanbu. My Mum has two tactics as she has a friend who is similar but nowhere near as bad (and also loaded when my mum lives on disability benefits), these were developed after years of ranting to me. 1) cook nice,slightly fancy, meal first night, then revert to "normal" dinners, or cheese on toast / omelette /boiled egg, if really peed off. 2) at checkout, wander off to read newspapers at stand, leaving friend to pay,(which is exactly what the minted one used to do!)3)explain that whilst you love seeing your friend, if x's behaviour continues , you think it best you go back to meeting on neutral ground. You aren't saying sod off and you aren't welcoming them with open arms either...just making her think...hopefully.Message received loud and clear and my mum's now back on a firm friendly footing with her oldest friend.Hated doing it, but a real friendship will survive it.

Original poster
OmFg · 02/07/2009 18:40

Sorry, had to go as she came in my room, she had been napping and then came and looked over my shoulder on here.

She has now got berry flavoured toothpaste all over my bathroom carpet and it is bright pink, her son squashed a mushroom on my brand new mattress, so there was a dark brown stain i ended up scrubbingn off whilst she just watched.

Her son is outside squealing now, she hasn't once told him to be quiet

OP posts:
Original poster
OmFg · 03/07/2009 02:16

Update, said houseguest has now cleaned the toothpaste off the floor, well had a lame attempt at doing it.

But she has... let her son piss all over my sofa, she had just got out of the pool and was wrapped in a towel, she left the towel and the piss on the sofa
She let him piss on my hall floor where he had been running around with no nappy, not so much of a problem, but she didn't clean it up even after I hinted by saying 'good job i have some carpet cleaner' she stuck a towel on it and it is still there

She has been using all my tampons, I now use a mooncup but have been keeping some in just in case, and just leaving the wrappers all over the bathroom despite there being a bin right next to the loo

Oh and she picked my laptop up by the screen, could have broken it

She has been telling me how much cheaper the train ticket is to go back on a tuesday, I have had selective hearing over this

I think she also expects me to ferry her around to the train, etc because she has a lot of stuff with her.

OP posts: