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AIBU?

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Original poster

That this is not just ' teasing and mild bullying'

52 replies

TheMitsubishiWarrioress · 07/05/2009 07:49

DS (11) is verbally picked on at school...about his appearance..me not having the right phone, you name it.

Out of school he has been subjected to a number of what I would consider to be more then play tousling.

Tuiuesday night, he was hit, very hard with his own scooter..pushed to the ground, piled on by 3 lads then had his face rubbed in the soil, one lad jumped on his back and simulated sex saying repeatedly that 'i'm gonna rape you'.

Then pulled his trousers down when he tried to get away.

At school, one of the lads makes little comments, winds DS up and he is also ''teased'' a lot by other kids.
Calling him a paedo, me a prostitute, making incestuous comments about me and DS because we are close, telling him he is crap at stuff and calling him names.

I am deeply concerned and am taking issue with the school. The physical stuff isn't taking place at school but it is being pepetuated by the comments.

OP posts:
wolfnipplechips · 07/05/2009 08:01

YANBU that is horrible poor boy.

Flynnie · 07/05/2009 08:01

That is imo a hell of a lot more then teasing.
You need to speak to the school right away.

Your poor ds.

isoldeone · 07/05/2009 08:05

Contact the police as well. Your son was assaulted. The school may advise you to do the same as the physical assault was outside school.

GColdtimer · 07/05/2009 08:09

That is awful, what reaction have you had from the school so far? Your poor DS, the school needs to stamp on this.

PM73 · 07/05/2009 08:11

Thats disgusting,its not teasing thats extreme bullying.

Contact the school & demand action,also contact the police & ask their advice about it.

Your poor ds.How is he?

cocolepew · 07/05/2009 08:13

That's awful. I would contact the police and keep on at the school.

IamAlsoADreamerOfChocolate · 07/05/2009 08:13

omg your poor boy!
I would be doing some serious head ripping [verbally of course] but you must sort this now even if as another poster said by in forming the police.
It beggars beleif-I dread when my lo gets older

Earthymama · 07/05/2009 08:14

Tis happened to a friend's son. She got in touch with the police immediately and it was taken seriously.

Poor DS, get in touch with school youth worker too.

Original poster
TheMitsubishiWarrioress · 07/05/2009 08:16

Have spoken to the police, they are prepared to take things in the direction we want to take into considration DS's needs.

School have said it is teasing and mild bullying .

DS is a funny fish but is like an emotional yo-yo at the moment and having angry outbursts.

Have also spoken to parents.

OP posts:
staylucky · 07/05/2009 08:20

When did little kids get so vile? That's awful hun.

The other boys Parents should be ashamed of their offspring. I bloody would be if I heard my kid had done something like that.

Hope you get it sorted x

GColdtimer · 07/05/2009 08:24

So even "mild bullying" is fine as far as your school is concerned is it . And if it is leading to physical attacks out of school, then the school has a responsibility to your son.

I am glad the police have taken you seriously. Perhaps the fear of police involvement alone will have a positive impact.

What was the reaction from the other parents? I hope they were supportive of you. DH was bullied at school and god help any child of ours that turned into a bully.

herbietea · 07/05/2009 08:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Lemontart · 07/05/2009 08:32

Agree that their behaviour is far more than mild bullying and teasing. You say Tues night - was this ont he way home from school or in the evening? If the evening, then reporting to the police and informing the school would be a good way to force the school to take it seriously and get action on this awful behaviour.

You mention the school has said it is teasing and mild bullying - is that their official response to this last incident you described? If so, then you have every right to be furious with them for not supporting your son and acting appropriately. If their comments are in response to previous incidents, then I would go in and insist on an immediate meeting with the headteacher. If you mention that you have spoken to the police already that should help clear his morning schedule and see you promptly! I would be very clear with the school on this - either they act immediately to crack down on this bullying and intimidation or you have no choice but to ask for police back up in future instead. Don?t let the school fob you off on this. If you have given them the facts and they refuse to see it for what the facts show it to be, then do consider talking to the police again.

I know you mention DS is a "funny fish" and is like an emotional yo-yo. This might be the case, but do not try to be "fair" and reasonable in this and justify the other children?s behaviour by the actions of their son. Even if he was argumentative with the others and quick to react, providing "good sport", this does not give the other?s the right to physically manhandle him to the ground, make sexual and bullying remarks and then assault him.

I read you spoke to their parents - I hope they really supported you in this too and were as shocked and as horrified as any parent reading your OP.

Good luck in this - don?t be fobbed off, keep pushing to get this recognised for what it is and taken seriously enough to stop it now before it goes any further.

Hope your son is not too school phobic after this

isoldeone · 07/05/2009 08:34

The school has stated it is "bullying". There's no such thing as "mild " bullying". Teasing and friendship fallouts yes but this is different. It's a complex issue but effective schools deal with the problem and the earlier it gets sorted , the better the outcome. Some schools deny it happens and swepp it under the carpet

Start asking questions....
What action did they take?
What action will they take if it occurs again even in a "mild" form?
Can you have a copy of their bullying policy? ( every school has one)
Contact abullying support group. Bullyingonline is a good start. If the school fanny about and make excuses - go in armed to the teeth with literature and info. OK your son might be a "funny fish" but the school could/ should offer support with a friendship group or even peer counselling.
if you can go on the warpath in a constructive way, then everyone knows you mean business. YANBU

l39 · 07/05/2009 09:01

No, not unreasonable at all. That's appalling. I suppose I hadn't realised what some boys are like these days because my first thought was that an 11-year old threatening and simulating rape of another child could well have been abused himself. But since the school and the other parents are taking it so lightly I must be wrong. I do have 2 teens and 2 8 yr olds but they're all girls. Not that your concern should be the bully's welfare of course! You are thinking of your son as is only right.

pottycock · 07/05/2009 09:22

That's horrendous - your poor little DS. Going way beyond 'teasing' imo.

edam · 07/05/2009 09:26

That's appalling. Worth getting in touch with the charity Kidscape - they do an awful lot of work on bullying and can support you generally and in dealing with the school.

The govt. has polices on bullying that schools must follow - have a look at the Dept for Children website.

Stayingsunnygirl · 07/05/2009 09:35

What your son has suffered is appalling, TMW, but the school's attitude is even more appalling. It seems as if they would treat the physical assault seriously, but think that the verbal bullying is somehow milder and less serious or damaging - which is totally wrong, in my sad experience.

Even if it were only the verbal teasing, that is still severe bullying, imo. I was never physically bullied at school, but the effects of the verbal bullying have stayed with me all my life. At age 14 I was (I can now see) depressed and suicidal, and I have carried on suffering bouts of depression ever since.

It has blighted my life, and if the headteacher at your child's school does not realise the damage that can be done by verbal bullying alone, then he or she is lightyears behind the times!! My own parents (both teachers) told me that 'sticks and stones would hurt my bones, but calling names wouldn't hurt me' - but this is so utterly wrong it would be laughable if it weren't so serious.

You are doing the right thing - you are supporting your child and pushing for his right to safety and freedom from intimidation to be respected by the bullies and the school.

I would definitely contact the police with regards to the assaults outside school, then inform the school that that's what you've done, and demand that they work with you, your child and the other pupils involved to ensure that the attitudes that made this dreadful assault possible are dealt with severely and finally.

I hope that your ds gets over this, and that the school and the authorities deal properly and seriously with the bullies who've done this.

racmac · 07/05/2009 09:43

Thats disgraceful - if the headmaster received the same treatment from her colleagues on the way home from work would she/he describe it as mild bullying?
Ask them.

I would agree with the others - call the police then call a meeting with the head.

It doesnt matter how your son is or how he reacts - the world is made up of all sorts and people shuoldnt be bullied because they are "different"

mrsjammi · 07/05/2009 09:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheCrackFox · 07/05/2009 09:53

If that had been my son I would seriously be thinking of phoning Social Services about my concerns for the boy who said "I'm going to rape you".

YANBU, that is not mild bullying and it should be taken seriously by the authorities.

Thebolter · 07/05/2009 09:56

The school's attitude to this is ridiculous. I'm really sorry to read this, your poor boy. Have you told the police of the school's response? What on earth would they consider to be 'real bullying?

Kimi · 07/05/2009 10:01

Report this to the police, your poor child

flamingtoaster · 07/05/2009 10:05

The school attitude is indefensible. It would be a good idea to keep a detailed note of what happened - and what is said by various people as this is investigation progresses. The behaviour of those boys is extremely worrying - your poor son should not have to put up with such treatment.

sleepychunky · 07/05/2009 10:07

OP, can I second edam's suggestion that you contact Kidscape? There is absolutely no excuse for what is happening to your poor DS and the school needs to get their act together. It's not his fault, and it's not yours, and Kidscape has a helpline specifically for parents of bullied children which can give you the advice and support you need. The number is 08451 205 204 btw

Good luck and please let us know how things progress

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