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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that 'save the date' cards are a waste of money?

57 replies

MummyDoIt · 14/02/2009 14:11

Why not just send the invitation? You know the date, and presumably have the church/registry office/venue booked, otherwise you wouldn't be able to give that date for sure, so what other information do you need? Why pay for two lots of cards and two lots of postage? Complete waste of money. Especially in a recent case where someone I know sent out 'save the date' cards, then changed their minds about venue, couldn't get the new place on the old date so had to change the date anyway.

OP posts:
wotulookinatasquotedinTheTimes · 14/02/2009 14:16

YANBU. We got a 'save the date' card in with a Christmas card from one of DH's relatives. It was the first time I had come across one. We still haven't actually had the invite, though.

lizziemun · 14/02/2009 14:31

YANBU.

But the couple sending them have read one to many wedding magazines which give them a time line to follow.

So they send out a 'save the date' card them 6 weeks (or whatever they have read) before the wedding the wedding they send out an invitation and expect you to have put your life on hold so you can go to their wedding.

moondog · 14/02/2009 14:33

Save the date cards?
Bloody hell, this wedding business just gets more nad more bloody ridiculous.

ThePgHedgeWitchIsCrankyBeware · 14/02/2009 14:41

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wotulookinatasquotedinTheTimes · 14/02/2009 14:44

Oh it is only 6 weeks before the wedding that you send out invites? I thought you would send them months in advance.

Original poster
MummyDoIt · 14/02/2009 14:45

Still not convinced. If I receive an invitation and say I'm going, I keep that date free and would only fail to show up because of illness or something like that. Which could happen six days or six hours before the ceremony so doesn't help with catering. Makes no difference whether I RSVP six weeks or six months before the event. You either decide to go or you decide not to.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 14/02/2009 14:48

YABU - the save the date card I got had the couples wedding website address on - it is fabulous - and has links to the wedding lists.

I recieved it 6 months ahead, which is good because the wedding is in LA, so I've had time to arrange my trip.

ThePgHedgeWitchIsCrankyBeware · 14/02/2009 14:49

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Original poster
MummyDoIt · 14/02/2009 14:57

Lynette, all of that could be on the invitation (but don't get me started on wedding lists because that is a whole new can of worms).

HedgeWitch, when we booked our reception, we gave an estimated number of guests when we made the booking and only confirmed - and paid a deposit for - the final number the week before the wedding. Isn't this normal? I don't think I'd use a venue that wanted paying in full 6 months before the event. I admit I've only organised one wedding but I used to organise a lot of corporate events and never paid for cancellations of more than a week's notice.

OP posts:
barbie1 · 14/02/2009 15:03

um im one of the sad people who sent them before my wedding, lived away and wanted to make sure people knew in advance as it was a bank hol and the most popular week for friends to take hols...the good thing is that we had a few say straight away that they couldnt come so we managed to downsize on the marquee and saved a few pennies!!!

LynetteScavo · 14/02/2009 15:05

Yes it could, but if the invitation came 6 weeks before, alot of people would have been emailing them to ask when the wedding is. This way we know we are invited, and have time to make plans.

It obviously depends on the size of the wedding, and how far people are going to be travelling. If it's a family only registary office on a Saturdday in November, then most people will be around and so a STD card wouldn't be neccessary.

Original poster
MummyDoIt · 14/02/2009 15:11

Lynette, maybe that's why I object so much. I've only ever seen them for very small weddings where the B&G probably speak to all the guests fairly frequently and have told them the plans well in advance anyway. Perhaps it's different for a bigger wedding.

OP posts:
smurfgirl · 14/02/2009 15:20

We sent them because lots of our friends work weekends and needed to book the day off work - our invitations had loads of stuff in and from experience if you send things too early then people loose them.

STD (HAH) for us was about telling people there would be a wedding in Teesside in October (we sent them in Christmas cards).

BuwchBywiog · 14/02/2009 15:25

We got a STD 6 months before the wedding as my friend is marryiing a girl from miles away who happens to live in a tourist attraction town so they wanted to make sure there was enough accomodation available for all those who wanted to stay. The wedding is at the hight of peak season when the town is packed with tourists. They actually made the cards themseleves so probably didn't cost much, they sent a list of B&B's and hotels etc along with it, I thought in this circumstance it was a great idea.

UnquietDad · 14/02/2009 15:27

LOL @ STD card

Makes it sound like "commiserations on your gonorrhoea."

LynetteScavo · 14/02/2009 15:31

Well I was very excited to get the STD card (calm down UQD!) - did I mention the wedding is in LA?

Karamazov · 14/02/2009 15:37

I don't see why you can't just send out the invite early? We sent out our invites with the christmas cards (for an august wedding), but I am a teacher, as are most of my friends, and we got married in the summer hols, the time when most teachers go away on holiday - so we wanted to ensure that all our friends could come. Even sending them out in December, we had one teacher friend who had already booked her summer holiday, but was able to rearrange it, because she had so much notice. There were no other complications in terms of people dropping out or suddenly not being able to come etc... So I'd just send out the invite, saves money that way!

sausagenmash · 14/02/2009 15:43

Unquietdad - I was thinking exactly the same thing!!

We're getting married in October - am thinking of doing a nice word document and emailing it round to everyone who is on the invite list, then sending proper invites late summer. Most people know our wedding date anyway...!

nkf · 14/02/2009 15:54

I've never heard of Save the Date cards.

Belgianchocolates · 14/02/2009 15:59

I think STD cards are a good idea if the wedding involves going abroad or having lots of invitees from abroad. We got married abroad, didn't send a STD care as such, but sent a letter with a list of travel options and local hotels + prices for both, to give people an idea how much their trip would cost. We also arranged a 10% discount in a local hotel for our wedding party + a 10% discount at the actual hotel we had the evening do.

Pruners · 14/02/2009 16:07

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ThePgHedgeWitchIsCrankyBeware · 14/02/2009 20:38

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Tee2072 · 14/02/2009 21:17

Actually, hedge, the only STD I have ever gotten was not an American wedding, but an English one. Of course it was because the wedding was in Italy, so the B&G wanted people to know about it.

And you don't send out an invitation 6 months in advance, as hedge said, because people can't make plans that far in advance. You don't RSVP to a STD. So final numbers come about 3 weeks before the actually wedding, about 3 weeks after the invitations go out.

nappyaddict · 14/02/2009 21:21

When I saw save the date cards being mentioned on Bride Wars I just assumed they were invitations

nappyaddict · 14/02/2009 21:25

Everyone I know just sends the invitations out 6 months in advance and then double checks a month before the wedding that everyone who said they were going still can and if not then you amend the booking.

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