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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be peed off at these messages sent by dp?

35 replies

pamplemousse · 01/11/2008 10:06

OK OK firstly yes I did read messages on his phone. I needed to know what time to get him up to go to footy (he works nights, not lazy!!) and knew there would be a text...
They were to his ex, who we still see socially once in a blue moon, as we don't get out much.
She asks him a question about dd's birthday...
He replies 'hey there sexy, blah blah, how are you...
She say I'm fine, at work in beautiful house with nice views blah better get back to it...am feeling ill, happy halloween...
He says take vit c for throat gorgeous, don't you mean cheeky little devil (eh?) house sounds nice blah, must get my lazy fay arse out of bed but don't want to, happy halloween to you too cheeky little devil...
She says she has to agree on cheeky, going out tonight not dressing up over the top blah...
He says have fun with the ladies, that cheeky devil outfit was a sexy little number, blah blah lol, big hugs sexy.

Sorry to give a detailed thingy but you need the whole picture here...
I'm pissed off that his texts are full of sexy and gorgeous and reminding her of some dressing up thing they got up to. I would not do this to an ex on text. it makes me feel a bit weird talking about sexual things with ex's, had one before who used to go on about it after we broke up and asked him to tone it down as it was weird, now my dp seems to be doing it.
It makes me livid to read this and I know the obvious answer is not to snoop, why does he do it, what would you say/do/think?
Having read that through for typos (as you do!) I have seen how silly it sounds, however I am still angry and upset he is so over familiar with her...

OP posts:
BBeingpatient · 01/11/2008 10:09

YANBU at all he seems like a twat, thats totally not on and he must know it what a bstrd

scorpio1 · 01/11/2008 10:11

She didn't sound like she was entertaining the sexy hting though? Which is good.

I hate men and their phones (bad week myself).

YANBU to dislike the way he is talking to her.

elsiepiddock · 01/11/2008 10:14

YANBU - I would be furious and very suspicious indeed. He sounds like a twat.

You need to speak to him about this.

MoreSpamThanGlam · 01/11/2008 10:14

I think that is a bit off actually...

RedOnHerBeheadedHead · 01/11/2008 10:16

it doesn't sould silly at all - if he was my DP he would be out the door for talking to his ex like that.

ChloeandAlfie · 01/11/2008 10:17

Oh... my.... God... I'd go mental! What on earth is he doing? That's totally out of order. How DARE he slag you off to her as well. AAGGHH!

YANBU....

SlartyBartFast · 01/11/2008 10:17

i wouldnt like it

blinks · 01/11/2008 10:17

i couldn't be with someone who talked to another woman like that...

bubblerock · 01/11/2008 10:17

Agree with Scorpio - it does sound very one sided, she isn't flirting back at all and it makes him look like a slimy twat!

pamplemousse · 01/11/2008 10:18

He isn't a twat. He calls lots of people gorgeous, which I can take, its just when its an ex it gets a bit close to home. I wanted to check I wasn't over reacting to this, he has done it before with her and I flipped, but he says it means nothing he's just being nice and cheering her up etc. That fact she didn't text back in the same vein is very very good as I don't trust her.
I just wish he wouldn't do it. if I confront him, he'll just start deleting all messages again!

OP posts:
twinsetandpearls · 01/11/2008 10:19

I think it is off and what is more from what you have written he is the one instigating it.

pamplemousse · 01/11/2008 10:20

Ooh no no no, he didn't slag me off.... is that what we're basing the fact he is a twat on? He was texting her from his bed. OUR bed.

OP posts:
SlartyBartFast · 01/11/2008 10:20

i spose you can't have it both ways then. if he is a sortof fella that speaks to lots of people like that. it is just words thats all. luckily she didnt reciprocate like you say.
were they together long?

RedOnHerBeheadedHead · 01/11/2008 10:21

sounds suspicious to me - i would ask him to stop, whether it makes her happy or not, it's making you sad - you need to ask him where his loyalties lie.

Heated · 01/11/2008 10:21

Text him back:

Hi Sexy Little Devil

Your current fabulous but rather pissed off wife also thinks you ought to get your lazy arse out of bed & stop the inappropriate texting. Otherwise you will have 2 ex-wives and you'll be a Impoverished Little Devil.

scorpio1 · 01/11/2008 10:21

if he is a general flirty man and this is normally ok, could you ask him to tone it down, and reserve 'gorgeous' etc for just you? if you are reluctant to mention the texts.

pamplemousse · 01/11/2008 10:22

A couple of years, he proposed to her, she said no... He has told me their relationship was mainly sexual great!! That helps when we see her ;)

OP posts:
scorpio1 · 01/11/2008 10:22

he should stop it if he realises it is starting to upset you (understandably)

Pheebe · 01/11/2008 10:23

You shouldn't have read his texts, end off

Pheebe · 01/11/2008 10:23

oops of

SlartyBartFast · 01/11/2008 10:23

so she has the upper hand in a way then doesnt she?
ignore him, he is just stroking his own ego. i spect he was hurt.

pamplemousse · 01/11/2008 10:23

Nice one heated!!
scorpio I asked that last time, it clearly didn't work...

OP posts:
scorpio1 · 01/11/2008 10:24

but he shouldnt behave like this!! she wouldnt have looked if she didnt suspect anyway, im sure.

RedOnHerBeheadedHead · 01/11/2008 10:25

do u think he still has feelings for her?

pamplemousse · 01/11/2008 10:26

Absoleutly not.
But in the past was very much in love with exbf and he left the text up on his phone so found out he was cheating without trawling through, just picking up phone to take it to him!
Soooo have an issue with texts I realise its wrong, but obviously I can't trust him to say stuff which upsets me.
But then if I didn't read it I wouldn't know,
Fuck I don't know, it just makes me sad and I don't know what to do

OP posts:
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