To be peed off at these messages sent by dp?

[pamplemousse]

OK OK firstly yes I did read messages on his phone. I needed to know what time to get him up to go to footy (he works nights, not lazy!!) and knew there would be a text...
They were to his ex, who we still see socially once in a blue moon, as we don't get out much.
She asks him a question about dd's birthday...
He replies 'hey there sexy, blah blah, how are you...
She say I'm fine, at work in beautiful house with nice views blah better get back to it...am feeling ill, happy halloween...
He says take vit c for throat gorgeous, don't you mean cheeky little devil (eh?) house sounds nice blah, must get my lazy fay arse out of bed but don't want to, happy halloween to you too cheeky little devil...
She says she has to agree on cheeky, going out tonight not dressing up over the top blah...
He says have fun with the ladies, that cheeky devil outfit was a sexy little number, blah blah lol, big hugs sexy.

Sorry to give a detailed thingy but you need the whole picture here...
I'm pissed off that his texts are full of sexy and gorgeous and reminding her of some dressing up thing they got up to. I would not do this to an ex on text. it makes me feel a bit weird talking about sexual things with ex's, had one before who used to go on about it after we broke up and asked him to tone it down as it was weird, now my dp seems to be doing it.
It makes me livid to read this and I know the obvious answer is not to snoop, why does he do it, what would you say/do/think?
Having read that through for typos (as you do!) I have seen how silly it sounds, however I am still angry and upset he is so over familiar with her...

i would think she has the upper hand, he was hurt, that is why he can send insinuating texts like that.
i wouldnt read anything else into it.

are you going to tell him?
you have a good excuse, what with the football time that you mentioned

i think you need to have a good talk with him and ask him what he is doing talking to people like he is. I would go up the wall if my DH spoke to people like that and even if he talks like that to people anyway, its still not nice and he needs to realise that. Maybe thats why his ex said no. Are you happy with him?

does he flirt with anyone else?

hmmmm
you shouldn't read his texts.
if my dh read my texts in order to snoop then I would be incandescent, sorry.
and you can't really say you read them accidentally, if you followed the whole conversation.the fact that you wouldn't do it is beside the point.
I think he sounds a bit flirty but frankly it was a private conversation.
I would try to put it out of my mind and try and work on the trust side of your relationship. I appreciate it can be a strain being with someone flirty, esp if you aren't that way yourself, but you are doing yourself no favours tbh.
if you don't trust him, if you have cause to think he is shagging around, that's a different matter.

I am happy but I do have a bit of a problem with the flirting being a little insecure myself. He is wonderful in many ways, but doesn't seem to be able to stop flirting! I don't mind if I'm there as then I know he doesn't mean it.
BUT I do have a problem if its in private like on his phone, or he starts deleting messages - whats he trying to hide?
I will bring it up or I will be seething with him for no reason in his eyes...

OK, well think about what you want to achieve by bringing it up.
as far as he is concerned, he is just flirting.
you know he is a flirt.
do you want him to stop flirting?
do you want him to stop talking to this person (who is a friend of you both, it seems)
that's a lot to ask.
especially as, sorry to be brutal here, you seem sure that there is nothing in it.
he might see it as you saying: please stop being the person I met and I know and love, because I am too insecure to cope with it and don't trust you.

He sounds like a smarmy twat TBH.

Just asking him not to do it didn't work last time, so it's unlikely to again. If it were my DP he'd be out the door and that's what I'd advise you to do.

If it had been a first offence, I would've told him to either cut all contact with her or it was over, which is a shame because, as it has been one sided, it does seem as if she can be trusted! although maybe her not reciprocating is probably because she knows there is a good chance you would read the texts.

Up to you whether you want to give him a "third strike" but beware that it can often be literally that : a third chance to hurt you again.

Oh and YANBU!

I can't end the relationhip based on a flirty text...
Thanks to you all I am calmer now, I just hate the feeling of anger and betrayal, it brings up a lot of emotions, which I realise are my problem. Yes dp should be more understanding but I honestly think he just doesn't think. I wanted to guage others reactions to see if I was insane!
I will not bring it up I don't think, Harpsi is right, I can't ask him to cut all contact with a friend. He will know I have seen them on his phone as he told me to check the footy time.