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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

......to let DS1 pee in public???

43 replies

Tryharder · 30/10/2008 20:53

Well, am I????

He's just turned 4, not had the easiest of times toilet training. When we are out and about, he sometimes needs to wee and if there are no public toilets around, I say he can wee in a bush or down a drain or something. I mean, when he needs a wee, he needs one iyswim - he can't wait till we get home.

Anyway, he was doing a wee in a hedge the other day, on a fairly quiet street. The hedge bordered on an allotment and there was a lady digging there who gave me and DS1 the filthiest look. Ds1 was quite upset by it and kept asking why the lady was so cross with him?

I can't believe that anyone is really offended by a little boy peeing or is that just me???

OP posts:

childrenofthecornsilk · 30/10/2008 20:54

Ignore. Most people wouldn't be bothered.

pamelat · 30/10/2008 20:55

I wouldnt mind a young boy having a public wee but preferably not on my allotment.

UniversallyChallenged · 30/10/2008 21:02

Wonder if she would have given a "look" if it had been a dog peeing? sometimes I feel animals doing their thing is deemed more acceptable than children to some people.

As pamelot said as long as it wasnt on her allotment then yanbu. I have same problem with ds2, when he's gotta go he's gotta go

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/10/2008 21:23

ignore her

if you need to go, you need to go

or your child would have wet himself - which would have caused himmore grief and embarassment

sure it will come to her one day that she wets herself when old and incontinent!!

misselizabethbennet · 30/10/2008 21:26

Very few people would object to a small child weeing in public. YANBU

mrsmaidamess · 30/10/2008 21:27

Actually urine is recommended as an additive to compost heaps. Makes them rot faster. So an allotment hedge is the perfect place to pee.

I have these qualms too though sometimes, about allowing my boys to pee in public. I am always discreet.
Then I see some dog squatting and crapping in the middle of the pavement and I think 'What the hell was I worried about?'

2point4kids · 30/10/2008 21:29

I had this problem the other day wth DS who is just 3. WE were queuing to pay in the Co-op (for nappies funnily enough!) and DS said he needed a wee NOW! They wouldnt let him use their toilet so we left our place in the queue and ran round the back of the store and he wee'd down their drain

jasmeeen · 30/10/2008 21:32

I'm going to go against the concensus and say that it was a bit unreasonable. If absolutely and desperately no alternative then fair enough, but it sounds like it could be a bit of a habit - "when he needs a wee he needs one"?

I'm not particularly keen on kids peeing in my hedge.....

noonki · 30/10/2008 21:34

yanbu at all

Starbear · 30/10/2008 21:39

Now DS is 4 I ask him to wait. But he know to say to me No Mummy it's coming now. He is very expressive ( well okay he a blinking chatter box)so I trust him. But I think it okay to wee in a hedge. I try and be as discreet as possible. On a day like today kiddies would be frozen in wet knickers or pants. Some people are snotty ignore her and its a lesson to him that not everyone is nice.

Nighbynight · 30/10/2008 21:56

I would have asked him if he could manage a poo as well, as my allotment needs the fertilizer.

yanbu

jasmeeen · 30/10/2008 23:07

errrm, the woman was gardening and some boy peed - why would she be happy about that? If it was some old drunk everyone would be disgusted....why teach your child it's okay?

Wendyjayb · 30/10/2008 23:19

YANBU, as long as it's not in full view then i don't see a problem

CoteDAzur · 31/10/2008 07:44

When your DS "kept asking why the lady was so cross with him", did you not explain that it is not a good thing to pee anywhere but in the toilet?

Knowing it is not a good thing would perhaps encourage him to ask for toilet before his need gets so dire he needs to wee in front of old ladies.

Fillyjonk · 31/10/2008 07:49

it sounds like it could be a bit of a habit - "when he needs a wee he needs one"?

lol, he has just turned 4! This is how it IS!

Agree very much re dogs. And my allotment has been thoroughly peed upon by my kids and their friends. Where do you think wild animals pee? Any allotment is going to be covered with excrement of all sorts of creatures, from worms to cats.

FlameNPumpkins · 31/10/2008 08:01

peeing on an allotment is fine, but if you are crouched down gardening and some kid starts peeing right next to you - would it not piss you off a teensy bit?

CoteDAzur · 31/10/2008 08:21

It sounds like you should perhaps take your DS to the toilet more often, before he asks to go.

babymt · 31/10/2008 10:22

Whilst it wouldn't bother me I can see why others are bothered by it. Have you considered getting a Potette or one of those wee pot things that work in the same way in that they soak up the pee and you throw it away?

I use my Potette all the time mainly because I generally can't be bothered to go to find dd1 (nearly 4) a loo and also its bloody hard to get into public loos with a buggy, other child and whilst being pregnant.

lilacclaire · 31/10/2008 10:28

YANBU.
Just a fact of life with young children.

Simplysally · 31/10/2008 10:29

As long as it's discreet, I wouldn't have a problem with it. My dd took many a wee crouched down by my car wheels for privacy - I wouldn't let her do it where someone might be offended or near/on their property. Now she's older, she hasn't asked for a wee for ages other than in a toilet. It might be an idea to take him to the loo before you go out though to get him used to the idea of emptying out when he can.

scarletlilybug · 31/10/2008 10:31

I can understand why the lady might have looked at you disapprovingly, even if I wouldn't necessarily have done so myself. At the very least, I think she deserved a little shrug and a smiled "sorry", IMO.

I think, at 4 he should be leaning to "hold on" a bit. Lots of children are at school full time when they've just turned four - I don't think anyone would be too pleased if they had a wee at the edge of the playground (which is different from having a little "accident").

LadyLaGore · 31/10/2008 10:33

i let my 3 pee in bushes and whatnot. tho the 5yo is now better at holding/timing it and rarely needs to. 4yo ditto now, but he often will do when we stop for the 2yo who gives about 20 seconds notice of needing one .
and id do the same for a daughter, if i had one.
obv i wouldnt let em piss on someones garden or owt.
i dont look at faces while we do it, im not interested if someoen wants to be shitty about it, i have enough on my plate, ta.

Anglepoise · 31/10/2008 10:36

My only concern is whether this is why [some/many/most] adult men think it is perfectly acceptable to pee whenever/wherever they feel the urge but as long as you explain that he should really pee in a loo if he can then yanbparticularlyu.

I do appreciate that you might not always make it to a loo at that age (no DC the appropriate age but I do have vivid memories of peeing in a sweet shop! )

scarletlilybug · 31/10/2008 10:36

... and the other aspect is that mny of the "older generation" cannot get their heads around the fcat that children in general tend to be toilet-trained much later nowadays than they were in the past.

He might seem like a little boy to you, but to her he might well have looked like a boy who should have been toilet trained for at least a couple of years.

My mum is always going on about how disgusting it is that many 3-year-olds are in nappies and that I was (apparently) "dry" at 10 months, and "dry at night" at 16 months. (I'm not saying I agree with her, just that this is how some people think).

NotQuiteCockney · 31/10/2008 10:36

At 4, they don't always have that much notice. It is absolutely a habit they grow out of - DS1 used to wee on trees a lot, now at 7, I don't remember the last time he did it.

If you were close to the woman (< 6 feet) then I can understand her annoyance, a bit, but otherwise, no, she's being ridiculous.

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