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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it is NOT THAT HARD to make an edible lunch?

41 replies

MinkyBorage · 11/10/2008 15:47

DH is off out this afternoon, and agreed to make lunch for DDs and I before he went.

He put a tin of tomatoes and a tin of tuna in a frying pan and heated it up. Then he cooked some pasta until it was so far overcooked it was like yesterdays pasta iykwim.

Result: Disgusting. I managed two polite mouthfulls before he left. Dds were also still eating when he left but gave up very soon afterwards.

I know I should be glad he's actually cooked something, and tbh I was before I tasted it, but it's just such a ridiculous waste of food. What is the point??? I'm sick of having to do bloody everything!

There is nothing else I can delegate to him.

OP posts:
Overmydeadbody · 11/10/2008 15:48

But does he know how to cook and was he just being lazy or is he genuinely clueless?

Or, does he jst want to do such a bad job of it that you don't ask him to do it again?

Carmenere · 11/10/2008 15:49

Did he eat it? did he think it was ok? It never fails to amaze me what much some people think passes for cooking. Tuna and pasta at the best of times is gross so if it is just slopped together like that it is going to be revolting. does he know how to make it properly?

solidgoldskullonastick · 11/10/2008 15:53

Yes, whether or not he ate it is kind of the key to this. If he didn't eat any it suggests that he was being selfish and lazy and quite probably making a mess of the job so he wouldn't have to do it again. If he ate it then maybe he is one of these people who just isn't fussed about food and therefore doesn't notice if it's overcooked or whatever.

Miyazaki · 11/10/2008 15:57

My mouthfulls would not have been polite.

firstontheway · 11/10/2008 15:59

That sounds like me!

My husband never cooks, but a few months ago when I was ill, he tried his best God love him, and concocted a curry, aka the biggest mess of food I've ever seen. Literally, opened every jar of food in the cupboard and heaped in 1 or 2 tablespoons of it, so the rest was wasted as I couldn't use it all before it went off

It took all my effort not to get utterly mad and shout at him for being so useless (but I didn't!) and now I ask him just to come and help me for a second in the kitchen when I'm cooking, tell him what I'm doing and get him to copy. Helps that I'm pregnant and may throw in one or two dizzy or tummy ache episodes to encourage the help

YANBU but at least he offered to cook... train him!

Original poster
MinkyBorage · 11/10/2008 16:00

He's clueless. There is a bit missing in his brain. He has made a Jamie Oliver recipe before with tuna and tomatoes which was edible, well, it was the first time, when he actually bothered following the recipe.
You're right Overmydeadbody, but sometimes I could just do with someone else doing something around here, and I forget how awful his cooking is.
No he didn't eat it, but he has no palette so would have done no problem.

OP posts:
Original poster
MinkyBorage · 11/10/2008 16:02

He is unteachable. He can not bear being told what to do, no matter how politely/cleverly/manipulatively I try!

OP posts:
SqueakyPop · 11/10/2008 16:02

The overcooked pasta is the gag part. I don't think he was that short with the sauce - he basically missed out the onion and garlic, which would make him #1 to my DD3.

Original poster
MinkyBorage · 11/10/2008 16:05

The sauce was so very very wrong I can not beging to explain.

OP posts:
firstontheway · 11/10/2008 16:06

Hmmm. You may have to accept it then! If he has no taste buds himself, he probably thinks his cookings fab

Do the cooking yourself and delegate him other tasks like washing up (no good for today I know) but some men are, simply, crap at cooking!

solidgoldskullonastick · 11/10/2008 16:11

Yes, some people are useless at cooking - usually because they are simply not very interested in eating.
But if he's crap at cooking, make sure he washes up or deals with the laundry or something.

Original poster
MinkyBorage · 11/10/2008 16:15

He can't wash up, and if he loads the dishwasher I have to re-do it, move the glasses from the bottom shelf and the pans from the top shelf, rinse the really big bits of food and rice off, separate the things which are stacked together with no gap between and make sure things like cups and bowls are able to drain rather than just holding the water.
He can't do anything else. I accept that (mostly) but today it's getting on my nerves and I don't think it should be that HARD to make somehting to eat! It's just not!

OP posts:
Original poster
MinkyBorage · 11/10/2008 16:17

He CAN NOT do the laundry, he can't work the washing machine, and on the two or three times he has done it, he puts the powder in the prewash section, which isn't used, and he puts the weirdest selection of colours and fibres in the machine together.
He can't do ANYTHING I tell you!

OP posts:
Upwind · 11/10/2008 16:17

let him load the dishwasher his way, and then let him unload it

if the dishes don't all get perfectly clean on the first wash he will soon learn to stack it properly

Original poster
MinkyBorage · 11/10/2008 16:19

No, he won't, he puts dirty things in the cupboard.
He can't do ANYTHING!!!
This morning I had to put the car battery back in the car, sounds easy, but it was quite fiddly. He can't do ANYTHING.

OP posts:
pointygravedogger · 11/10/2008 16:19

He can do dishes and he can do the laundry. Any idiot can do that.

Upwind · 11/10/2008 16:19

you sound v. controlling

your DH can do everything
he just doesn't do it the way you would

granted your way may produce slightly better results but so what? Children would still be fed, clothes and dishes washed, doing it his way.

solidgoldskullonastick · 11/10/2008 16:21

Well you'll have to work out which tasks-done-badly inconvenience him the most and which you can live with, and assign him those. Because he's doing the classic Man Thing of 'I am far too important to do menial work. I have a penis. THat means I am not designed for menial work. That's for women to do. That's what women are for.'
Tell him once more how to do the assigned jobs then leave him to it. No matter how badly he does them.

Blondeshavemorefun · 11/10/2008 16:22

i actualy like tuna, pasta and toms

he must have really screwed it up - how can you cock up making tuna and pasta 9apart from over cooking pasta)

think you need to have a little big list of chores and how to do them

show him how to load DW the WAY you like it
he is a grown man and tbh i cant beleive he cant do anything around the house

my dh mixes colours ruined my lovely new WHITE bras by putting in with his dirty back work gear

but he can make/chnage bed, wash up and cook, unlaod washing machine, fold up clothes, hoover etc, so not completley useless

SqueakyPop · 11/10/2008 16:23

My DH can do a reasonable sauce, and then at the last minute, he decides to add a tin of tomatoes or a tin of soup to it

My main issue is that he uses far too many pots and pans and always the biggest ones. He does not think ahead to how they will fit in the dishwasher.

However, I am grateful that he is willing to cook, especially when I am not around. I have also reconciled myself to his pots and pans weakness. I haven't been able to change him in 22 years, and I am not about to start. There are plenty of things about me where he could say exactly the same.

Remember the wedding vows...for better or worse.

Original poster
MinkyBorage · 11/10/2008 16:26

He can't I tell you! He really can't. I did washable nappies with DD1, he once took a load of pissy shitty nappies oout of the washing machine and put them in the dryier before they had been washed. He doesn't make connections of notice that things are dirty or not working or burnt
I'm not controlling, I just do everything. I wouldn't expect him to do things the way I would, but he doesn't so it the way anyone would. When I am getting my two very small children breakfast in the morning and all of their bowls are covered in baked on dishwasher food, or have pools of dirty water in the bottom it makes me reaLISE I have to do itmyself. I stopped nagging ages ago, there's no point. He used to use laundry tablets in the dishwasher which is one reason why I get powder now!

OP posts:
dittany · 11/10/2008 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MinkyBorage · 11/10/2008 16:28

I know, he'll never change, I'm just venting.

OP posts:
dittany · 11/10/2008 16:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MinkyBorage · 11/10/2008 16:29

He's a bloody lawyer. His skills are very specialist and completely non transferable.
I sometimes wonder if he might be on the autistic spectrum, but doesn't make any difference, he won't can't change.

OP posts:
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