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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be horrified at dd school.....

32 replies

lucykatie · 27/09/2008 09:07

My dd is in year 5 (9/10 year olds) and when they have a p.e lesson they have to change in class room as they have done in years 3 and 4,boys in one classroom girls in another... however for some strange reason this year my dd's class are all getting changed in class room all together...my dd is mortified and so are her friends as, at the tender age of 9 and 10 their bodies are starting to develop into young ladies iykwim!! they boys are staring etc, they have not made any comments as yet but to be honest its only a matter of time and that could be a nightmare if a bad comment is made to these young girls. I want to go to school and have a word, am i being silly??

OP posts:
IllegallyBrunette · 27/09/2008 09:09

No, I would not be happy either and dd2 (same year) would absolutly hate it.

AbbaFan · 27/09/2008 09:10

If the girls are feeling uncomfortable, then yes I would have a quiet word about it.

I am sure they could arrange it, so that the boys and girls can get changed seperately.

Nagapie · 27/09/2008 09:10

YANBU - have a word with the school

CapricaSix · 27/09/2008 09:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LynetteScavo · 27/09/2008 09:11

You are not being silly!

DS1 is in Y%, and this is the first year they have changed seperately. (and about time too I think!)

MrsSnape · 27/09/2008 09:12

I wouldn't be happy with that. It was bad enough last year when the year 4s went on their swimming lessons. The girls were embarrassed about having their swimsuits on it front of the boys then so I can imagine how mortified they'd be if they were actually having to undress in front of them. Especially in year 5.

Original poster
lucykatie · 27/09/2008 09:12

so, if the teacher or head (dragon) ooppss sorry!! was to say thats thw way it is so lump it, which i can expect from this head teacher...would what be next plan of action??

OP posts:
Nagapie · 27/09/2008 09:15

Could you not suggest to her that they changed in shifts as Abbafan suggested?

TheHedgeWitch · 27/09/2008 09:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
lucykatie · 27/09/2008 09:17

Tp be honest i am expecting a battle with head teacher, and she sets her rules in stone!!! would it be unfair for me to say that if its going to continue then..i either stop dd from doing p.e or i complain higher.

OP posts:
forevercleaning · 27/09/2008 09:18

You can insist that they change seperately. It is out of concern for your daughters embarassment, and no head dragon should deliberately make children feel like that.

I'm sure she will sort it asap. If not ask her if she would like to dtrip off infront of her male members of staff? -prob does anyway the dirty perve!

Original poster
lucykatie · 27/09/2008 09:19

thehedgewitch...just think times have changed and my dd and her friends dont like it, i am sure some are ok with it.

OP posts:
Original poster
lucykatie · 27/09/2008 09:20

forevercleaning....she bats for the other side!!!!

OP posts:
Nagapie · 27/09/2008 09:20

A well worded, non-aggressive request should hardly be met with hostility? You seem to expect the head teacher to fly off the handle - have you had a run in with her?

FAQ · 27/09/2008 09:22

when I went to middle school (8/9yrs old) they had separate changing rooms for us. I would have been mortified at that age(and especially as I approached senior school age) to be changing in front of the boys!!

YANBU - younger children yes I think it's fine, but by 9/10yrs old children are naturally becoming aware (and yes often embarrassed) about the changes to their body.

Original poster
lucykatie · 27/09/2008 09:25

nagapie..i have not had a runin with her directly, however i am a member of the school pta, and she attends meetings and i swear she is just there to say 'no' to everything...she causes uproar sometimes. sometimes her decisions are valid but sometimes just plain stubborness...foe example, she agreed to summer fair to raise cash for school and we agreed we would do bar b q,we got burgers and sausages and even bought a freezer for the school so we could store them, this was all agreed ny her, when food and frezer arrived at school she said we could not plug it in!!! we asked why, she said because i said so!!!!

OP posts:
Charlee · 27/09/2008 09:26

I would complain, Children need same sex privacey at least at that age if not totaly pirvecy when getting changed.

scarletlilybug · 27/09/2008 09:27

I remember having to get changed in mixed classrooms in front of the boys. I guess that was just the norm back in the seventies.
I don't think it's a big deal. (JMO)
Having said that, if you're uncomfortable with this and your daughter is, too, then could you mention it to the head? And could you see a feasible solution? For example, at dd's old school, there was no spare space and I can't see how the head there could cater for boys and girls getting changed separately. However, in her new (bigger) school, I imagine arrangements could be made.

Cocolepew · 27/09/2008 09:28

My DD (10) gets changed in the class with the boys. Last year when it was to warm for a vest I got her a fine, cropped top in Tescos. She doesn't have anything to put in a bra and she felt more comfortable wearing it.

Nagapie · 27/09/2008 09:32

If that is the case, good luck!!

Your daughter's comfort is paramount ...

ethanchristopher · 27/09/2008 10:13

this was the rule in year 5 for me until one girl started her periods so we were all allowed in the toilets from then on

the headteacher will be more ikely to listen to you than the class teacher - i think this is an important issue and i dont agree with the communal changin situation so i would definately ring in

knockedgymnast · 27/09/2008 11:44

I had this same problem with my daughter when she was at primary school. Considering she started her periods in year 5, I quite sensibly, sent a letter to the school explaining that she may need to use the loo quite a few times in the day and that she should have somewhere private to get changed when doing PE. The first part they took into consideration but the latter went on deaf ears. There argument was that if they changed the rule for her, they would have to for everyone.....The worst thing was that she had to change in the classroom infront of boys and as she had a 'womanly' body compared to her friends, was frankly, quite embarrassed. At that time, she was the tallest girl in the school and her boobs were double e, ffs!!

I sent several letters to the school and, although they were acknowledged, they would not budge!

I told the school that my daughter did NOT have to get changed in front of the boys if she did not want to and that I would not let her do PE if they told her otherwise and also threatened to take it to the 'School of Governors'(which I wish I had done in the first instance). In the end, she was 'allowed' to go into one of the other rooms to change, but it took a lof of kicking and screaming for her to be allowed to do this.

Thank god she's in secondary school now, where they have seperate changing rooms. Even though she is only eleven, she stands at 5 ft 6 and obviously looks older than her years.

AbbeyA · 27/09/2008 11:52

I go into a lot of schools and find that some split and some don't (below yr 5 all change together). If your DD has been getting changed separately for 2 years it seems a bit bizarre to have to have mixed changing at the point that they want the privacy-I would have a word.

TheCrackFox · 27/09/2008 11:55

We used to get changed in the one classroom in (cough) the eighties. Can't remember it ever being a big deal and in Scotland primary school lasts an extra year. I was wearing a bra and my periods had started by then (sorry TMI).

AbbeyA · 27/09/2008 12:01

It has always been the norm to get changed together. It seems to be changing in the last few years. The main problem is that primary schools don't have the space and boys generally have to get changed in the corridor and girls have the classroom. I have known girls get changed in the toilets but it is a squash!