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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at dp? [HUGE RANT]

45 replies

BillsHut · 04/09/2008 10:20

We had a huge row last night over my ex, basically dp thinks i should not be friends with or have any contact with my ex, my ex is on my fb and we have been chatting about old times(admittedly i got a bit carried away and chatted way into the night, so came to bed late) i have no feeling whatso ever, we are just friends, but dp thinks this is wrong, i have been completely honest with dp about it all, but it is still causing problems, and said i should delete ex from my friends list, now i am starting to think if there is no trust then what is the point.

OP posts:
coppertop · 04/09/2008 10:24

I don't think you should have to give up the friendship altogether but I can understand why your dp was less than impressed with you staying up "way into the night" talking to your ex.

claudiaschiffer · 04/09/2008 10:26

hmmm I do think yabu to be honest. I would be rather if dh did what you have done - and I am very tolerant.

CountessDracula · 04/09/2008 10:27

Yes you are

How would you feel if you were in bed waiting for him while he chatted to his exes into the night?

I wouldn't like it either

Original poster
BillsHut · 04/09/2008 10:28

Dp has trust issues with me anyway, she is very insecure, i cant see the harm in chatting to someone over the internet, its not like i am chatting face to face.

OP posts:
nailpolish · 04/09/2008 10:28

i dont think its about trust

he is just upset you talk into the night with your ex

perfectly understandable

YABU

ScottishMummy · 04/09/2008 10:29

you are being slightly provacative chatting all night to an ex.hardly conducive to current relationship.are you trying to make DP jealous,evoke a response- you must recognise it is bound to irk at most mild and make waves/row at worst

would you like it if your dp chatted all night to his ex girlfriend about ole times

and hey your ex couldnt have been so great otherwise why did you split up. are you putting a rosy reminiscent glow on and overlooking how it was

but dp cant tell you who to be friends with

but you need a bit of tact too

nailpolish · 04/09/2008 10:29

facebook is teh devils work as far as im concerned

Original poster
BillsHut · 04/09/2008 10:34

It wouldnt bother me if she was still friends with her ex, i really cant see her issue tbh

OP posts:
Saturn74 · 04/09/2008 10:34

I think the most telling point is that you know your partner is insecure, and has trust issues, yet you still stayed up chatting to your ex "way into the night" on FB.

It sounds like you're enjoying the attention from your ex, and rubbing it in the face of your current partner.

At the very least you are not making allowances for how your partner feels.

Not very kind, imo.

CountessDracula · 04/09/2008 10:35

you don't soudn very sympathetic

Are the trust issues of your making?

ScottishMummy · 04/09/2008 10:36

oh i think you do see the issue!getting your current partner wound up,bit riled.maybe you enjoy it...

Original poster
BillsHut · 04/09/2008 10:43

My ex used to be quite chubby but she has recently lots a lot of weight, so now my dp thinks i am going to run off with her, i told her my ex is still the same person fat or thin

OP posts:
VictorianSqualor · 04/09/2008 10:45

I have my 'ex' of sorts on my FB. He's a great guy, but we just didn't have that special something iyswim. I also have him on my MSN.
I talk to him sometimes, probably for about 5 minutes, once a week, we talk about how we are getting on as we both care enough for each other to hope the other is happy (Which we both are, very much so).

DP doesn't particularly like this, he never says as much, but I can tell. He knows it would be unreasonable to say that I should never talk to him again, but I know it would be unreasonable to expect him to be happy with me spending a great deal of time on this man, especially talking 'way into the night'.

Your relationship with your current partner should be first and foremost and by leaving her to go to bed alone you have crossed the line.

YABU

mumblechum · 04/09/2008 10:46

I think you're being unreasonable, too. Put yourself in your dp's shoes.

nailpolish · 04/09/2008 10:47

is this a wind up

ScottishMummy · 04/09/2008 10:48

me thinkey you like playing one off against other?.ex is past history for a reason.if you were so compatible why did you split up

maybe stop trying so hard to be provocative. knowing it pushes current girlfriend buttons

dont play naive and hands up in mock shock "dont know what she is botherd about

you know exactly what your girl is annoyed about. show her a bit more respect, bit more empathy.stop being a wind up merchant

VinegarTits · 04/09/2008 10:52

wot nailpoish said

VictorianSqualor · 04/09/2008 10:54

(Billshut/Bullshit?)

Original poster
BillsHut · 04/09/2008 10:56

Is not a windup i just cant see why she is making such a fuss, we had a huge row over it, i wanted to get other opinions but all you women seem to think the same, even my ex was like this when we were together!

OP posts:
tiredemma · 04/09/2008 10:56

Oh Do Fuck Off.

nailpolish · 04/09/2008 10:57

no wonder she is your ex then

Saturn74 · 04/09/2008 10:58

Yes, "we women" do all think the same.
That's the wonder of cloning for you.

zippitippitoes · 04/09/2008 11:01

i agree with nailpolish

and tiredemma

beanieb · 04/09/2008 11:02

I don't think there is anything wrong at all with yu being friends with an ex. My OH's ex now goes out with his brother and I would be a complete cow if I let that effect me (It doesn't) - does he/she also want you to rip up all photos of you together?

I can't understand people who expect their partner to eradicate their whole past when they get into a new relationship.

Maybe you should cool it on the whole staying up late thing, but don't let them make you delete them. That's just plain rediculous.

VinegarTits · 04/09/2008 11:14

Well spotted VS, now fuck off bullshit

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