To be annoyed at dp? [HUGE RANT]

[BillsHut]

We had a huge row last night over my ex, basically dp thinks i should not be friends with or have any contact with my ex, my ex is on my fb and we have been chatting about old times(admittedly i got a bit carried away and chatted way into the night, so came to bed late) i have no feeling whatso ever, we are just friends, but dp thinks this is wrong, i have been completely honest with dp about it all, but it is still causing problems, and said i should delete ex from my friends list, now i am starting to think if there is no trust then what is the point.

[2beornot2be]

It depends on what kind of conversation you are having with your EX if my DP was up way into the night talking to an EX I would be pretty pissed about it. If its all innocent give your DP your facebook password so she can see what your upto

[VictorianSqualor]

[IfYouDidntLaughYoudCry]

Plus I think a lot can depend on how serious the relationship was with the ex and how it ended x

[ScottishMummy]

billshut you make me laugh.didnt like the answer so pah we are just a bunch of you wimmin?

well it is called MumsNet is the name not a clue maybe lots of ladies

out of interest had we said oh BH you are so right would we still be same bunch

did you seek a sychophantic, oh dearie poor you BH.yes chat at will all night to your ex. nasty current girlfriend giving you jip

[IfYouDidntLaughYoudCry]

I could understand staying friends to some extent if you were in the same circle of friends as an ex and even that's not ideal from a new partner's point of view, but chatting one on one 'late into night' is different.

Perhaps I'm wrong but this would make me very uncomfortable. I don't see my exes anymore. If I bumped into them I would be friendly but that's about it. Perhaps I'm lucky that I'm never in that situation. I even threw everything out I'd ever received from them ie. Valentine cards etc, not because I was asked to but because I know I wouldn't like it if my DP had similar stuff hanging around.

I must admit that I did at first find it worrying that because my DP has a DD, he will always be in some form of contact with his ex but that's practical contact, not for fun.

Tbh I find it very easy to talk to my DP about past relationships he's had, more so than he does with me actually. It's not always the woman that is the most jealous/insecure in a relastionship but whoever it is, surely they deserve to have their wishes respected to a reasonable extent??

[babyinbelly]

I have another ex who I have a child with and dp accepts that I have to have contact with him. However his ex is also his brothers girlfriends sister. We avoid her wherever possible. In our relationship we agree that ex's are in the past and that is where they should stay. There is no reason to keep in touch with them.

However on the other hand my ex that I mentioned earlier thought it was completely normal to visit his exes ALONE while we were together. I accepted this as it was part of his way of life. He would also not have a problem if I saw an ex.

My point is that if your partner thinks it is ok there is no problem keeping in touch with an ex. If your partner thinks that it is a problem then why not respect their wishes? Is it any hardship to not see your ex. I couldnt care less to be honest. I wish him every happiness, I have no hard feelings but I dont have any desire to see him.

[VictorianSqualor]

Oh, well, I agree with that part Beanie, but I do think that a current relationship should take precedence and if your partner is in some way upset with you being in contact with an ex then contact should be minimal, it would probably be better to find out why the current partner was so insecure in the first place.

[beanieb]

iI wonder how the OP's partner would feel if the OP had Kids with his Ex? Would she still be banning all contact?

[VinegarTits]

I still see one of my exes, he and his dp and their new ds spent last new year eves with my family, he is my db friend and a family friend, he was before we got together and still is. Nowdays i forget we ever went out and just see him as my db friend

[DaphneMoon]

I agree with Nailpolish. My DP has just registered with FB and has already been chatting with an ex. What's more, he lied about registering, claiming that he knew I would not like it if he was on FB. Too bloody right. The ex has already sent him a BJ and other interesting cocktails (you have to go on to know what I am talking about). He says it means nothing. Yeh right I am all for sending someone a cocktail called a BJ or between the sheets to an EX. Credit to him he did explain that he had a new partner and was very happy. I am still not amused that he lied in the first place.

[beanieb]

Yes but also - the OP says "basically dp thinks i should not be friends with or have any contact with my ex"

I think that is a rediculous stance for an adult to take.

[VictorianSqualor]

The ex being in a new relationship with someone close to you is totally different to being sat up 'way into the night' talking to an ex though, your contact isn't necessarily through choice, whereas the OP apparently made the choice to stay online talking to an ex rather than go to bed with their partner, big difference.

[beanieb]

As I said, one of my OH's Ex's is now his brother's girlfriend. How should I react please?

My OH is friends with a lot of his Exes. Doesn't that show a certain amount of maturity?

I can understand why you would be surprised that someone would remain friends with an ex who was horrible to them but not all relationships break up like that.

[VictorianSqualor]

beanieb, I agree, deletion isn't the answer.

Having some respect for your partner and cutting down the contact, is.

[VictorianSqualor]

BillShut is obviously a reg and a namechanger.
His/her first post was about 'quiche' last night.

Come on BillShut, fess up.

[beanieb]

Here's one woman who doesn't think the same! :waves:

[babyinbelly]

when I started seeing current partner he was quite clear on the fact that it is unacceptable to remain friends with my ex. Say hello if you pass in the street but that is as far as it goes.

Out of love and respect for his wishes I cut my ex out of my life and it does not bother me at all because I am with the man that I love.

If you cannot respect your current partners wishes then you do not deserve to be with her. Whether she is being unreasonable or not you should listen to her feelings

[coppertop]

If everyone around you (including your ex) tells you the same thing, isn't it about time you listened took the hint?

[beanieb]

Even if it is a troll, I still think it's rediculous to suggest that the answer to this dilamma is for the person who is still in touch with an ex to delete them.

[Pan]

you are rather stretching a point here.

tbh I wouldn't trust you either. You do come across as someone needing a lot of attention (incl. posting on here about it) at the cost of other's feelings. So no, am with your dp on this.

[VinegarTits]

Well spotted VS, now fuck off bullshit

[beanieb]

I don't think there is anything wrong at all with yu being friends with an ex. My OH's ex now goes out with his brother and I would be a complete cow if I let that effect me (It doesn't) - does he/she also want you to rip up all photos of you together?

I can't understand people who expect their partner to eradicate their whole past when they get into a new relationship.

Maybe you should cool it on the whole staying up late thing, but don't let them make you delete them. That's just plain rediculous.

[zippitippitoes]

i agree with nailpolish

and tiredemma

[Saturn74]

Yes, "we women" do all think the same.
That's the wonder of cloning for you.

[nailpolish]

no wonder she is your ex then