This is burnout, right?

[cautionmindyourstep]

I am exhausted. Stressed. Anxious. I work in the charity sector. Fairly small organisation. Wearing many hats. Had a big deadline recently (3 months ago) that led to me piling up 60 hours of TOIL. Even before this I was feeling pretty shattered. Initially I thought the deadline had just taken it out of me. But I feel awful.

I feel completely detached from work. I could stare at my screen quite happily all day and do nothing, but obviously can't. I can't sleep. I feel completely overwhelmed and find no enjoyment in the job I feel like I loved a year ago. I can't think straight enough to actually do my work to a high standard and find myself quite tearful at times at the start of the day. I then find myself logging back on in the evening and working until silly o'clock to catch up on what I genuinely just couldn't physically do during the day.

Somehow, my manager doesnt seem to have noticed, and seems quite happy with my output.

I feel this is all compounded by the fact that I am a single parent to a child with additional needs, and I also have ADHD. I have told my work place I have ADHD but it isn't something I really like to talk about so it hasn't been a discussion beyond that.

I just feel like I have hit a brick wall, and I dont know what to do as I dont see a way to fix it. I am exhausted. I feel mentally more than physically. I can still go out running and I feel a sense of relief when the weekend arrives, it's just my brain that feels like it has shut itself down.

Other than this, I am actually quite happy. My child is amazing. I don't have money issues. I am fit and healthy. Find joy in exercise and my friends. I just can't cope at work.

Does this sound like burnout?

It sounds like this isn’t the right role for you at the moment. You aren’t enjoying it.

I am actively applying for other jobs so I would say you are correct.

I'm not sure how to fix it

Can you take some leave or use up some of the TIL? A frank chat with your manager?

Can you use your Toil to take a couple of weeks off?

I feel exactly the same as you, OP. I wake up every morning with a knot in my stomach. If someone's nice to me and asks "Are you OK?" I can't help myself crying.

My advice would be to take sick leave. You're ill and not functioning.
Step back for a few weeks to recover. Get some sleep. Have some downtime.

Take that time to think about how you can better balance work and life, and manage expectations.

Nothing will fall apart in your absence.

I should be transparent though that I'm not taking this advice even though I know its right 😂I'm ploughing on until Christmas and hoping a couple of weeks off there will sort me out.

Id take a couple of weeks off, either sick (let's face it, you're not fit to work at the moment) or if you don't want to go sick or can't due to no sick pay, then I'd use some of that toil.
See how you feel after a couple of weeks away from the grind.
Hope everything improves for you OP

Does sound like burnout - and with ADHD then the 60 hour weeks will have taken a huge toll.

Take some sick leave. Doesn’t sound like your company was looking after to you with such brutal hours. So I’d also use the time off to try and find a job with a better work/life balance. Could you do fewer hours?

We underestimate the impact of stress. You need to get yourself back in to balance. You sound stuck in fight or fight mode.

Psychologist here - absolutely burnout, your nervous system has been overloaded due to all the factors you've mentioned. Get signed off by the GP. It can take people a long time to recover - months rather than weeks so don't keep pushing through. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this.

The first thing to do is stop working outside of your hours, if it’s not done during the day, it’s not done. Take some time off to rest and recover, either sick leave or TOIL. What’s happening with your manager, did they not notice you have two weeks worth of accrued TOIL - mine would be asking me about that and insisting I took time back.

You also need to have a hard, honest conversation with your manager about how you’re doing, they can’t help you if they don’t know. I’m not sure you’re current situation is really about ADHD, most people would burn out in your situation, but they have a duty of care to you, so they need to know how to support you.

But first of all, get some rest. With the right supports in place, and time to recover, you may just fall back in love with your job.

Really good advice above.
I suffered a similar burnout years ago. It was all linked to stress combined with a new job, very young children and undiagnosed ADHD. It takes a very long time to recover unfortunately.

ADHD can lead to perfectionism- working many hours over your paid hours. But also the masking day in and day out takes its toll. I’ve learnt the hard way I just need more rest.
Think you have to look a little at why you were wearing three hats and why you haven’t been able to push back a bit against your employer. Your health is so important.

How do you cope though when your manager is totally oblivious? I feel like it'll seem as though it is coming out of nowhere. I wish I could take the toil but I can't now until next year due to two people in our four person team being off sick (which in itself says a lot!)

Sounds like such an unhealthy place to work. Have you pointed out you are doing more than one persons work? Do you have meetings or catch ups with your manager?

If you can’t take your toil until next year (this itself is an issue) then you should think about getting yourself signed off sick. Maybe the manager will understand when the entire team is off.

You don’t necessarily have to tell your manager the whole truth if you don’t want to, although they do need to know ideally. You could just say you are exhausted having worked so hard recently and have a lot of hours to take. Then take that time to think the next steps through. Ultimately if you don’t do something soon the likelihood is that you will get to a point that you cease to be able to function at all, then you will have no choice but to go off sick.

Look, the other two people in your team probably didn't think twice signing off sick. Why are you expected to be "better" and just pick up everyone else's slack? What happens while you are on sick leave is NOT your problem, it's your manager's problem. That's why s/he gets paid more, to sort out issues like this. Go to the GP, get signed off. You don't want this to spiral and get worse - you'll only take longer to recover. Look after yourself. You are way more important than any task that "needs" sorting.

I wish you all the best xx

Yes I recognise this. I’m a Finance Manager in the charity sector covering loads of roles and working brutal hours, with a disabled child. I felt like you for months and only survived when I got an assistant to take the pressure off. I’m leaving soon and even then had to give 4 months notice!! I was the only finance person so didn’t feel I could take time off or go sick.
I hope you can have the chat with your manager to make them aware. Go to your GP and get signed off. Your work will have to manage while you recover. And ultimately find a more reasonable job!

Sorry you’re feeling this way OP. It sounds like you need to start practising putting some boundaries in place and giving yourself permission to take time off and annual leave, otherwise this will be an issue in your next job as well. Yes a good manager should notice when you’re doing too much, and nudge you to take leave, but not all managers will be good, and you also need to be able to look after yourself.

Did you take at least a couple of weeks’ annual leave after the deadline and the 60 hours TOIL? If not, no wonder you’re feeling burned out.

If you have holidays to take, I'd take some. Give you a bit of space to get your head straight. I'm always forgetting to take mine and leave long gaps, then wonder why I don't feel right.

Holidays are needed, especially as a single mom. You're working harder than you realise. Take all the days off you can get. You're manager is happy with you too. They expect you to be taking time off here and there

In the kindest possible way, it's nothing to do with your manager- it's between you and your healthcare practitioner. If your doctors says you need time off because of illness (i.e. stress) then your manager had no say at all. So it doesn't matter if it's comes out of the blue for your manager - it's out of his/her hands.

The world won't end if you go off sick.

What would happen if you got hit by a bus tomorrow? You'd go off sick without a second thought. Do the same here. Being mentally poorly is the same as being physically poorly if its affecting your ability to do your job.

I worked for a charity for a year and honestly it was way more toxic than the financial sector company I had left. HR ( which consisted of two people in charge) seemed to actively hate employees and unpaid overtime was expected because it’s a charity.
Clearly the work you’re doing is of a high standard so your manager doesn’t really care about the rest. Can you take any of the TOIL as time off ?

You have to at least tell your manager. They are probably also overloaded and partly too busy to notice and also partly trying not to notice.
Go and say you are suffering from all the extra hours you put in and you need to take that TOIL or visit the GP which could result in being signed off. It sounds like blackmail but it’s just stating the facts. The reason TOIL exists is for recovery from these sort of stressful deadlines.

Fellow charity worker here. The sector is on it's knees everyone's doing three people's job, worried about funding and clinging on by a thread. It's pretty dire. Meanwhile the waiting lists for support get longer and the need gets more complex.

You need to find coping mechanisms and put boundaries in place.

First take the TOIL, you can wait until the new year because people are out sick. Tell you rmnaager how you feel, that you've hit a wall and you need a proper break or you'll be off sick too. You manager probably knows this but just doesn't know what to do either amongst their own overwhelm.

Take the time recharge, refresh and when you come back be boundaried about your work. Don't work extra hours, only do tasks within your core role, push back if asked to do extra - it's uncomfortable but you're protecting your own wellbeing.

Yes it sounds like burnout.

This!

I've been in the charity sector for years and many of my colleagues and friends are experiencing similar. It's especially hard at smaller organisations where one person = a whole department and it feels impossible to take a step back. You're definitely not alone!

Talk to your manager if you can. I've been surprised in the past by how supportive not-vert-approachable managers have been.

Fellow ADHD person here. Yes burnout. Call in sick and you will probably also need to be signed off work because I doubt a few days will be enough. I’ve ended up with ME/CFS as a result of too much burnout and a bad bout of Covid. You need to take this seriously. It is important for your long term health.

Just chipping in as I see a pattern amongst those I know with ADHD. I also ended up with Long Covid - 2 years now. I think everything goes back to the nervous system. With ADHD it’s already stressed and then you layer on work stress and a virus that impacts the nervous system and it can tip you over the edge. A reason to be more careful I feel.