Does putting a child on SEND register affect them?

[Nee215]

My DD is waiting assessment for ADHD and autism and primary school observations do indicate levels of autism and ADHD. She’s 11 and just joined secondary school. Her new secondary school have asked me to give permission for her to be put on SEND register. I’m happy as she will get support but DH is against it till her assessment confirms it as he worries it will impact her later in life. He told me that they would never admit it but his company would not employ anyone with SEND. He is telling me I will wreck her future if I do allow this.

For context DD is highly intelligent, top of her class and makes friends easily and is very outgoing and sociable, only reason I went for the process is because of her eating issues - she only has 5 or 6 foods she eats on rotation. The doctor suggested ADHD / Autism I never went for this diagnosis only to help her eating. Will I wreck her future if I allow school to put her on register for SEND? DH thinks she is in no way SEND

It sounds like the biggest obstacle to your daughter’s future success is her father’s
ignorance, OP. He needs to stop spouting outdated nonsense and read up on these conditions properly ASAP.

@x2boys until very recently yes an autism diagnosis banned you from serving in the armed forces and adhd had to be unmedicated. The rules changed very recently to remove the bar, it’s too early to tell what difference it makes, though my dc reckons large numbers of the engineers are undiagnosed autistic anyway.

He has just admitted that his company discriminates against someone with a disability. I'd take that up with them if I were in your shoes.
If your DD has an eating issue then what honest use is giving her a label going to do. If she is functioning in every other way what is a diagnosis going to achieve. I'm with your DH on this but not for the same reasons.

He’s being silly, the school SEND register (sadly) means very little

I thought the new NHS guidance and wellfare guidance was to stop labelling perfectly capable people and treat them as per the need is.

Is he getting SEND register confused with Sex Offenders Register?

this is absolute garbage. The man is her father and has a right of opinion. You are no one to give such big accusative statements knowing nothing of the real family ...reading few sentences online does not make anyone a guru holding a crystal ball over a little girl's future

Loads of children are on the SEND register. In my experience in primary schools, it was roughly 8 children in a class of 30. I can’t see any downsides to it tbh, it just means she will get some adjustments and personalised targets. And children can come off the register easily if they don’t need it any more.

You seem to have interpreted this rather strangely. It’s pretty obvious that a parent holding outdated and potentially harmful ideas about their child’s condition has the potential to affect the child’s self-esteem quite seriously - no crystal ball needed!

Which “NHS guidance and welfare guidance” are you referring to?

For context DD is highly intelligent, top of her class and makes friends easily and is very outgoing and sociable

What special educational needs do the school/you feel she has if this is the case? Because it sounds like even if she is on the spectrum, it is not holding her back in any way academically, socially or emotionally

I would understand perhaps adding her to the monitoring list if the criteria for diagnosis is met, but unsure what support is necessary if she is doing so well and not experiencing difficulty with her learning or social life.

unfortunately, a lot of men behave this way around extra needs. Your daughter may not be struggling now but high performing ASD /ADHD girls often burn out later in life after masking for so long and expecting the high standards of themselves their families expect of them. If your husband is genuinely concerned for your daughter’s future, he’d be better off accepting her for who she is instead of putting such stock in the crappy behaviour of his colleagues and holding her to their expectations.

What are you talking about? The SEN register has nothing to do with the NHS and has always been based on needs, not diagnosis.

If you’re referring to the NHS review into autism and ADHD review the advice was actually a move from a diagnosis-locked system to a "needs-led plus diagnosis" approach with diagnosis being very much kept and given better access as opposed to the insane wait lists people are being left on.

I had the same concerns about putting my son on the register for autism at that age (he's now at uni). He was also doing well at school. For him there were many benefits. He got more help from the school and extra time in exams and it also helped him come to terms with the diagnosis. As others have said it is the persons choice to disclose and by the time they are looking for a job.

The ehcp is a lawful document which goes through with her until she is 23.
My son who is now 23 had one even at university. He didn't tell them and he never ticked on his loan on maintenance application that he had special needs.
No future employer will ever know only if she declares it to them.
It appears from what you're saying your daughter has been able to mask her difficulties very well.
An ehcp has nothing to do with her academic needs it covers her social and emotional wellbeing.
She may find she will want to take her exams separately and she will be awarded extra time.
She can use it if she wants
My son didn't want to be different from his friends but in the end he said it was best as he could focus without the distractions.
Go ahead with it and think what's best for her. It turned out to be the best thing and he has excelled. He owns his own difficulties and he can tell who he wants and so can your daughter

EHCPs have never covered university.

OP didn’t mention an EHCP. That is not the same as being on the SEN Register.

EHCPs can last until 25 if necessary, or depending on the circumstances 26. However, they don’t cover Higher Education.