Does putting a child on SEND register affect them?

[Nee215]

My DD is waiting assessment for ADHD and autism and primary school observations do indicate levels of autism and ADHD. She’s 11 and just joined secondary school. Her new secondary school have asked me to give permission for her to be put on SEND register. I’m happy as she will get support but DH is against it till her assessment confirms it as he worries it will impact her later in life. He told me that they would never admit it but his company would not employ anyone with SEND. He is telling me I will wreck her future if I do allow this.

For context DD is highly intelligent, top of her class and makes friends easily and is very outgoing and sociable, only reason I went for the process is because of her eating issues - she only has 5 or 6 foods she eats on rotation. The doctor suggested ADHD / Autism I never went for this diagnosis only to help her eating. Will I wreck her future if I allow school to put her on register for SEND? DH thinks she is in no way SEND

The SEND register is just a list that is used in school for information purposes. Future employers won't see it any more than they would see a list of children going on a museum trip or the list of children with allergies. It is confidential and only seen by relevant school staff.

What's the point? What will the school do to add variety to her diet? I don't understand the motivation.

DD being on the SEN register now won’t have a negative effect on DD in the future. It is based on needs, not diagnosis. DD doesn’t have to disclose it in the future.

While it is good practice to speak to you, the school doesn’t actually need parental permission to add DD to the SEN register.

This! My ds was told that the army actively looks for autism /adhd for roles that require attention to detail/pattern recognition. Same for GCHQ.

If your DD only eats 3 or 4 foods on rotation, she will know she is different from other children already.

What interventions/reasonable adjustments are school putting in place for her to be on SEND register. You and DD should be involved in their review

As PP say, noone will ever see the register and if it gives your DC more support through the potentially tricky puberty and secondary school years, its worth it.

Many girls mask and 'cope' in Primary, and then the wheels fall off when they are in Secondary school

I don't think you're ruining her future at all. The SEND register is there to make sure she gets the support she needs, not to limit her opportunities. Being bright and sociable doesn't mean she can't have difficulties in other areas. I'd rather she had support now than struggled unnecessarily while waiting for an assessment.

I would ask how adding her to the send register would support her with eating, I would also ask your gp the same. A diagnosis of ADHD/ASD often doesn't have any follow up support, so I'd be pushing for eating support.

Something that is likely to cause issues in her future is having an awful father, but I imagine he’ll blame that on someone else.

A diagnosis might prevent you from accessing certain jobs, eg the forces, but that’s nothing to do with being in the SEN register.

It seems bizarre that your husband is fine for her to have the assessment which is the thing that would give the diagnosis!

Legal or not I imagine a vast number of recruiters would find a reason to reject an application if the person mentioned autism or ADHD (or other disabilities). It may be wrong or illegal but it's also true.
Of course that's a long way in the future and the help she would get at school might outweigh it but I do understand your DHs concern.

Adding to the people saying its an internal school document. Its not shared.

But also not 100% convinced they need your permission. I think thier duty is to inform you and involve you with the support offered and you can refuse support, but I think they can keep a record that they identified a need abd support was declined on thier register either way. They legally have to identify support is needed so not recording that could be difficult for them you later said 'why didnt you do x,yz' and its because it was declined

I’d remind him that Autism is considered genetic and he may want to take a good look at himself!

1. there is no way of a company/future employer knowing she is on the SEND register unless the school disclose it illegally, or your child (as an adult) discloses it.
2. Not all companies are full of horrible people who illegally discriminate against prospective employees, and if your daughter has Autism and ADHD, it's probably best she steers clear of ones that are anyway.
3. If she goes through school struggling and performing poorly without help, she will probably struggle to get the grades to get a decent job even with a company that would support her needs, if she gets on the SEND register and gets support, she is more likely to achieve well and get the qualifications to get a good job.

No schools and colleges will want to know SEN info but it won't have to be disclosed to future employers, it won't negatively affect her in the slightest.

It could help lever in more support or access arrangements for testing /exams as it’s sadly common unfortunately for the type of female your describing having mental health issues / burn out aged 12-14 as peak hormones kick in and school expectations ramp up a lot and if she is ND the toil of masking is exhausting. I would take any support the school are offering and she is under no obligation to inform anyone later in life. It’s often challenging for one or both parents to accept this and the diagnostic process as one or both realise the traits they may have also struggled with in life as well.

A school doesn’t need parental permission to provide SEN Support either.

Your Dh is bit dim then!l and or ignorant and it’s a pity there isn’t a register for that!

SEN isn't a medical diagnosis, it just means a child has special educational needs. That doesn't need an assessment from a health professional, it's the educational professionals who decide if someone is categorised SEN. I'm not sure your DH knows what he is talking about, no one puts they are 'SEND' on a job application. It's only relevant for education.

Your husband is clearly an idiot who projects his own prejudices towards disabled people onto his own daughter. what will happen if the ADHD and ASD assessment show that something is 'wrong' with her.

I would give school permission to put her onto the SEND register and not discuss this with your ignorant husband again.

Does your husband think that having a diagnosis will make it difficult to get a job? If so, why is he supporting the assessment? The school SEND register is irrelevant.

It will enable her to get the support she needs.

don’t deny her any support they are offering in fear of ‘labelling her’

far better to have a bit of support than to become totally overwhelmed and totally shut down / unable to function .

explain to your husband that having Sen in not a failure or swear word… just a reality that if met she will do far better than pretending all is ok and she struggles

How will she even know she’s on the SEND register? DC is but he’s never even heard of it. He is grateful for the extra help at school though

Totally fine. Will not impact her in anyway.
Often girls with adhd or autism, the wheels can come off a bit once hormones kick in. A diagnosis and talking about it will give her a better understanding of herself.
Your husband does realise that ND people can be incredibly smart, talented and driven. A diagnosis or being on sen register doesnt change that