Husband’s comment at dinner

[GingerCakeLover]

So husband made a comment about the dinner I cooked for the family this evening and I’ve lost my shit with him and I’m currently sitting in our bedroom with the door shut so I can calm down. Looking for AIBU opinions because I’m also perimenopausal and just getting over the horrible fluey/cold that’s doing the rounds and I’ve had very little sleep the last week, so I admit I may be a tad more emotional than usual!

Basically today is the first day I’ve felt better in a week. I spent my day catching up on laundry, running the hoover round, tidying the house, walking the dog and cooking dinner.

DH suffers with high blood pressure so he always wants to eat healthy to lower it rather than go on tablets. Fair enough. We’ve all had this lurgy, and haven’t been eating much, so I thought I would cook a lovely Sunday dinner of some roast potatoes in the air fryer with fry-light, 3 different types of steamed veg and a giant pig-in-blanket which I found a new recipe for, but because DH is being careful what he eats I bulked the sausage meat out with apples, onions, grated carrot, breadcrumbs etc to make it lower in fat for DH.

All DH has done today is ride his mountain bike, potter about in the garden and sit in the log cabin for long periods with cups of tea scrolling Facebook.

The first comment he made when I put his dinner in front of him at the table this evening was ‘Oh I’d better get the defibrillator out’.

Sounds silly writing it, but I just saw red - I’ve been busy all day doing housework and preparing and cooking a nice meal whilst he does exactly what he wants, and the first comment he makes has to be an implied criticism. I honestly wanted to jam his face into his dinner 😂

Be honest people, would that wind you up too or am I just reactive because I’m tired and hormonal??

I'm sorry yoi have been ill.

I think you overreacted.

I also am not sure why it is his fault you did all this stuff today and he had a lazy day
It's Sunday. Can he take a day off? Can you too? Did you have to do all the chores today?

I’m intrigued by the pig in blanket

it sounds like you bend over backwards to support his dietary needs and he does fuck all

My ex-H criticised my cooking once. The next day's dinner he was confronted with a plate containing a potato, steak and broccoli - all raw, with confirmation from me that I had cooked for him for the last time. You don't like what I cook? Fend for your fucking self.

Why are you catching up on the housework after being ill? Why wasn't he picking up the slack?

Defibrillator? Fuck off, I've been working all day so you get one precordial thump. You get the same energy you've been giving all day, jerk.

What a lazy fuck. I agree with the poster above who said it's time to pull back. He can cook his own meals and do his own clothes. Go on strike.

Yeah you are being unreasonable to be that angry about the comment, but not about his lack of effort. I would apologise but also tell him that you have gone to the effort of making all of this and he hasn’t had any input. Tell him you expect him to put more effort into the cooking and other household tasks because it shouldn’t all be on you.

Same here (without the raw food). He criticised my cooking twice. He now cooks for himself 🙂. It works well - I'm vegetarian and I don't have to cook horrible smelly mince and I get to have the lovely food I like. He has mince virtually every night because he has no imagination. Oh well!

How's your blood pressure, living with that lazy lump?

I disagree.

I think she is reasonable on both counts.

Definitely she is right to be pissed off at spending the whole day catching up on jobs while he just sits on his arse.

And I can totally understand how annoying it must be when you have put thought and effort in to doing something nice for someone and then their first and only comment is a criticism.

I wholeheartedly agree with the suggestion that you pull back and let him cook his own meals for a while. And plan and shop for them too. Let him experience how much effort it can take and he might realise how much you are doing.

I know where I’d stick his defibrillator.

Next Sunday present him with a tin of low calorie soup.

He sounds extremely dull.

The correct response is "You're right, you can't eat that!" Then take his plate away and sit and enjoy yours while he goes and makes himself a non-massive salad.

I suppose it depends on how he said it. If he was being snark then I'd be annoyed but if it was light hearted then I wouldnt care. Its sounds delicious to me.

YANBU to be furious.

YABU to enable his lazy arse by committing to a gender role that has no place in the 21st century.

So he sits in his den and goes out on his bike…His bike! 🙄 And then scrolling on his phone like he’s a teenage boy waiting to be called for his tea by his mum. Then makes a cheap
joke about it…What an ick.

But you’re equally responsible for creating the conditions that makes him feel like this is an acceptable way to behave in a marriage, so…

My DH always chimes in with “Why don’t you sit & watch TV?” or “Take a nap” when I’ve got tonnes of shit to do… Because those are options for him. Same guy moans about the house / dinner etc when I’m not well & slacked off my usual schedule. Do I say anything? That’s me nagging / never happy / blaming him etc, etc, etc…

Anyone who moans about food put in front of them is an automatic and insufferable prick. How fucking dare they. Thanks to an early lover for that lesson. I've never tolerated a selfish cunt since.

You were actually calm.
Lazy selfish arse resting up while you skivvy all day.
Are you out of you mind doing all that.
As for the shit modelling for your children!
Mum run ragged and dad is a lazy arse.
Give your head a wobble.
I'd be a lot more furious hours ago.

I would be furious i think the fury is justified. I am peri too. You worked hard and made it healthier too. He sat on his arse during all the cleaning etc as well.

Well if the fury is justified (which it very much is) then why bring hormones into it?

If she wasn’t perimenopausal she’d still have a shitty husband.

I think you are being unreasonable for being immersed in such a boring existence. Life is too short. You should be pouring a glass of champagne and cooking a roast dinner together. Then enjoying a decent wine with the dinner you have both prepared.
What a fucking bore you have married.

I would definitely have shouted and sworn at him, so you did well.

In fact, I'd probably have been tempted to say 'Well at least when you're dead of a heart attack I can enjoy my Sunday like you have, rather than busting my arse to treat the family while striving to accommodate your diet at the same time.'

I do have a bit of a temper when my fuse finally goes 😬

He's an arse and he owes you an apology.

He also need to start pulling his weight around the house!

Give him a Ryvita and a small pot of low-fat cottage cheese tomorrow evening.

He sees fried potatoes and a giant pig in blanket. How is he supposed to know how they are cooked??