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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stop reading with ds?

133 replies

ohmaaaan · 31/10/2026 20:24

Honestly, I am aware of how important it is. But it is an unbelievably frustrating experience and I am worried it’s putting him off reading more than anything else. Would actually really welcome advice on to how to make it less arduous 😩😩

OP posts:
HazelBiscuit · 01/11/2026 18:15

OP have you had his eyes tested?

PeperNotNutsNoten · 01/11/2026 18:23

When we were little, my mum made weekly bingo cards with the words and sounds from school. We all played after tea with chocolate buttons to cover the words. My dad was really competitive and it meant my little sister could read before school because she wouldn't be left out.

HikingHippo · 01/11/2026 18:29

Have you had parents evening yet, or are you due one soon? Id speak to his teacher to see what they are doing at school, and how you can support this at home. E.g. my child's school would have daily reading with an adult for those struggling

Slightly different scenario for us as my child was non verbal, but Yakka dee and Alphablocks on cbeebies were great for phonics knowledge, sounds and blending. There are also games on the cbeebies app - little learners i think it is.

Our school also say that reading doesnt have to be reading a book. Things like phonics bingo, flash cards, phonics snap etc. All counted as their daily "reading".

My child is autistic with ADHD so a lot of things you have to do without him realising youre doing it. We used a lot of Orchard Games for phonics stuff (Slug in a Jug and Wiggly Words from memory but there are others) and he'd just think we were playing a game rather than "sitting down to learn phonics". I also made sure i modelled getting things wrong - firstly to show its ok to make mistakes, but also he would correct me when he did know himself.

Bigtrapeze · 01/11/2026 18:41

ohmaaaan · 31/10/2026 20:28

Sorry that would help. He is five (nearly six, so Y1.)

He is a bit lazy when it comes to reading so for example we had the word blanket tonight and he read it. I praised him. Then the word back and he just kept saying blanket even when I’m saying no, try again, give that one another go! That sort of thing happens a lot. I just don’t want it to become a source of stress but he is a bit behind so I want to help him.

I do read to him as well, always have, will only stop that when he wants me to, but him reading to me … arrghhh!

This isn't laziness, OP, it's learning. Blanket and back look very different to fluent, experienced readers but quite similar to beginners. I would say 'let's look at this word again. It does start with b like blanket but let's look at the other sounds.' Pause while he has a go. Model if required-'b/a/ck'. See of he can make the word when you say the sounds. Talk about the sentence with the two words in it-which makes more sense? Laugh with him about the one that doesn't make sense. Praise him lots. Then you read the sentence back, he does the same and move on. When you're finished, go back to the page with 'back' on and see if he can read it. Be really excited if he can. If not, model it again and be really excited when he puts the sounds together.

Beginning reading is like learning to drive. You have to do so many different things at once. Once you become adept you can steer, change gear and hold a conversation without realising you are doing it.

You are doing the hardest ever bit of it now but once he learns how to do this with your encouragement he'll be able to use that experience to tackle other tricky stuff. It's time well spent. Make it fun. If he can't read something school send home, read it together.

My job is to teach kids to read who find it especially difficult. I've been training to do it for 26 years and I'm still improving. It's a tough but very important job that you are expected to do without any training. I can drive fine but you don't want me to give driving lessons. We honestly should help parents more. Sorry we don't.

If it is any consolation, my daughter was not the joy to teach to read I imagined despite being actually fine at it and the fact that teaching reading is my job, and don't even ask me about helping her practice a string instrument. It is a miracle I didn't sling it down the drive so I feel your pain.

Make it fun, tell him he's amazing, talk about the story, do it for ten minutes maximum and see if he fancies showing dad/gran/the dog what he's read because he's doing really well. Reading familiar stuff is really, really good for you as a beginning reader.

ohmaaaan · 01/11/2026 19:17

Thanks. Parents evening was last week. It’s never hugely informative. I’m always told he’s behind but not much else, and any further questions just lead to vague mentions of the next assessment. I am not thrilled about it but have largely accepted I am not going to get any further with current teacher.

OP posts:
ohmaaaan · 01/11/2026 19:21

I suppose … tonight for instance, I am done in, have 1000s of things to do before tomorrow and I have to sit for what feels like hours listening to him read and it feels like it makes very little difference. It’s tempting just to sack it off, it really is.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 01/11/2026 19:25

Don't stress. But move the goalposts closer. This helps get the practice in without the frustrating bit that may well put him off or make him feel like he is bad at reading. So rather than reading an entire book because that sounds stressful, do a page of a book, or get some reading sheets - the teacher might have something you can use, or you can literally just google reading practice sheets step by step. Ideally from the same phonics scheme as he's practising, but if the books he's bringing home aren't graduated readers, then don't worry overly about what scheme they follow - there is a load of complete dross online anyway which doesn't follow any scheme at all but it is all practice.

Or skip "reading practice" for a bit and try changing it up by doing "wild reading" instead where you go around the house looking for words in random places, leave the house and see what words you can find out and about. Count how many you can find/set a goal number or see if you can keep a high score. Some of them will be tricky because they will be things like names and made-up words from adverts. Get a label maker and label random things in the house so he's subconsciously reading the word "fridge" any time he opens the fridge, etc. Get a set of those fridge magnets you can make sentences with and leave silly sentences for each other (DS2 absolutely loves this). You can take out the most complicated words and just start with simple ones. You can even buy sheets of pre-cut magnets and make your own set out of vocab lists from school plus some filler words (she, he, and, the, etc). Set up a pulley system and pass notes to each other from the opposite side of the room, or up/down stairs. Set up treasure hunts where each clue has to be decoded using a cipher (for some reason this is 10x more exciting than just reading). If you don't know what to write for clues, ask chatGPT or something. If you have a dog or a younger child, get DC to read to the dog or younger child.

My DC are in a school system abroad where they start later, and we still had this stage with DS2 and he was 7. I was convinced he was dyslexic, and he might still be, but dyslexic or not, a year later he is reading fluently. It's totally fine if they need more time. DS1 taught himself to read with a combination of what he'd learnt in nursery in the UK (basic phonic sounds of the alphabet letters) and some Julia Donaldson books we had, but he was still "late" by UK standards as he was 6. But he is now 18 and doing the local equivalent of A-Levels in two languages, so please do not worry that a "late" start in reading holds them back. It does not. I think DS2 would have struggled massively in the UK system, but he just needed more time. I remember his speech therapist, me, and the preschool specialist all trying to work on rhymes with him, because this is an important pre-reading step apparently, and he could not figure them out at all, literally two weeks before the start of school it suddenly clicked.

Mistaking words which have some similar letters for the same word means he's doing a degree of whole-word recognition, so it will be beneficial if you can slow him down and help him to work out the building blocks of the word ie syllable by syllable or sound by sound. When children struggle with reading they can often jump to the whole-word recognition thing as a masking strategy and then they don't necessarily get the grounding in the building blocks/phonics methods. And there is research that suggests that it is extremely helpful for children who struggle with reading particularly if they can get the hang of this.

But also, if he's really not getting the building blocks thing and he is getting more fluent and making progress anyway, go with your gut. I've also read so many anecdotes of parents and teachers saying that some children struggle with phonics but go on to read fluently in the end anyway, perhaps a little bit later.

Billy47 · 01/11/2026 19:26

ohmaaaan · 31/10/2026 20:42

No, not all.

Try reading eggs. Its an app. You can get reading eggs and math seeds. They usually do a free trial. See if he likes it. Also dont pay full price for it. Once it runs out wait a bit and they usually do a 50% off annual prices. If you dont want to / can't afford to pay teach your monsters how to read is free on laptop. My kids really enjoy the games and dont feel like they are learning. 10 minutes a day and he should jump a reading level within a month. We do read the school books but they can be a bit boring. If ge gets them wrong you need to sound out the words b a ck. I found flash cards helpful because I didn't understand the special friends thing but im old and phonics wasn't a thing so I needed to learn myself. My eldest was a fluent reader reading chapter books by 5. My younger is 6 and just started to read grey level. Although, that miserly because of reading eggs.

Billy47 · 01/11/2026 19:28

ohmaaaan · 01/11/2026 19:21

I suppose … tonight for instance, I am done in, have 1000s of things to do before tomorrow and I have to sit for what feels like hours listening to him read and it feels like it makes very little difference. It’s tempting just to sack it off, it really is.

Just do a few pages a night. We never do more than 10 minutes. A little and often is better.

BertieBotts · 01/11/2026 19:30

Sorry I meant to add - the reading sheets we had for DS2 (from school) were literally about four lines of text per night, which was much more manageable than a whole book, even an early level reading scheme book. It could still be a palava but it was doable to get through it.

HikingHippo · 01/11/2026 20:06

ohmaaaan · 01/11/2026 19:17

Thanks. Parents evening was last week. It’s never hugely informative. I’m always told he’s behind but not much else, and any further questions just lead to vague mentions of the next assessment. I am not thrilled about it but have largely accepted I am not going to get any further with current teacher.

Did you explicitly ask - how can we support with this at home?

It might be worth asking for a meeting. Mine are always with the class teacher and the SENCO, occasionally with the TA as well.

It sounds like there are 2 factors here though - the first is that DS is struggling, and the second is that you're juggling a lot and getting frustrated/overwhelmed/whatever.

Who else is at home, or close by, who can support with this?

ohmaaaan · 01/11/2026 20:08

You never get anywhere with her. I used to try but have now largely given up.

OP posts:
JSMill · 01/11/2026 20:08

Read to him so he loves stories and books. Don’t give up.

BlueMum16 · 01/11/2026 20:19

ohmaaaan · 01/11/2026 19:21

I suppose … tonight for instance, I am done in, have 1000s of things to do before tomorrow and I have to sit for what feels like hours listening to him read and it feels like it makes very little difference. It’s tempting just to sack it off, it really is.

I remember feeling like this.

Find another time to do it. Just 5-10 mins. No more but every day.

It does get easier.

Do you have someone else that can take a turn.?

Cusstardy · 01/11/2026 20:19

Ask for him to have intervention at school.
If you have the funds and things don’t pick up get a tutor for home - a fun one!
And for now leave it. Keep reading and find the fun and come to it again after a break. Gains aren’t linear. Many are behind at his age and flourish later. Keep the fun and leave the frustration.

PumpkinWanker · 01/11/2026 20:20

It’s awful OP you have my sympathy. I’m a big reader and all my kids have barely picked up a book past 10 school books killed all love of reading for pleasure (they weren’t allowed to pick one they loved from home it had to be chosen by the child at school from the allotted colour segment).

It used to make me feel actual rage listening to them but I know that’s my issue as I’m not the most patient when having to be involved in a slow task. The best way I coped with it was when I was cooking in the evening let them sit on the kitchen counter while I was busy chopping etc so they could easily show me any bits they were struggling with and I could keep busy.

ohmaaaan · 01/11/2026 20:26

Thanks @PumpkinWanker . If is really difficult, especially as he does need someone to sit with him, painful as it is! I’m glad others ‘get it’ as it makes me feel horrible. I guess the problem is I don’t really know anyone who is putting as much effort in and yet it seems to be yielding no positive results at all, although I know that isn’t really true!

OP posts:
Sassylovesbooks · 01/11/2026 20:31

My son struggled with reading and started Year 1 behind in his reading level. I realised that I had to help him, because teaching staff don't have the time to give him daily 1:1 time.

I started off with 5-10 minutes per day. Breaking the sounds down and blending them. I stood firm, which meant consistently helping him 5-10 minutes per day, every day. In half a term, he'd jumped up 3 book bands, his teacher was very impressed with him (and my dedication! I was actually asked if I could volunteer to help other children with their reading!). Don't stop with the reading. Reading builds up a child's vocabulary, writing, imagination and spelling, it's so important. It's equally important for you to read to him as well.

By the time my son started Year 7 at secondary school, he had his reading level measured as a 14 year old! So don't give up, your son will get there!!

CharlieBoo · 01/11/2026 20:33

When children find things hard and frustrating there is very little enjoyment for them. You need to keep it lighthearted and no pressure. A few tips..

ohmaaaan · 01/11/2026 20:34

@Sassylovesbooks i am trying hard not to sound snappy or defensive here but when I say I was considering stopping reading with ds, what do you think I am considering stopping?

OP posts:
QueenMaiker · 01/11/2026 20:45

We only read in the morning - I get up 30 mins earlier to I can create time for it at 7.45am. No more than 15 mins reading a day at this age. I had a roll of “good job” animal stickers which I would hand out and he did like going into school with his sticker on his school sweater.

If he is getting frustrated then you should pre-read the book, and write a selection of the words on pieces of paper and pop all the words in cloth bag or a very tall tin. You want about 20-40 words for this game - a mix of easy and harder words. Let him pull a word out - if he can read it he wins 5 points. But if he can’t read three words in row he has to do 3 pushups or ten star jumps (or whatever exercise you pick). Once he gets to 50 points he wins and is safe until tomorrow’s game.

The big advantage of this is that as soon as he starts “losing” by getting words wrong he gets to MOVE which is really good for getting rid of frustration. And also when he’s winning, he’s practising counting in fives too!

If he likes the game, you can record his score each day and give him a treat when he gets 200 points or whatever.

Also -Whatever his interests are - play to that. I bought a huge glossy book (aimed at adults) about supercars - here is a book he WANTS to read. It’s aspirational and he finds it motivating. Just turning pages gazing at the beautiful pictures and reading car names at first, then in time he’ll take an interest in the text too. A lot of kids hate the condescending learn-to-read books and knowing that YOU think he’s grown up enough to look at grown up books can be a boost.

NOS27 · 01/11/2026 20:49

As a teacher in a LW school, I’d say if it’s causing problems don’t do it. He’s already read that exact book three times in school in a small group and should be receiving phonics intervention if he is behind. I’d focus on fun phonics games (Phonics play or practically) where he’s only reading words and practicing decoding until he’s up to speed if he enjoys them. If not, again I would honestly leave it!

ohmaaaan · 01/11/2026 20:54

Thanks @NOS27 . I’ve got a few different ones because he just memorises the one he comes home with, so it felt a bit pointless!

Where would you typically expect a Y1 to be at this point in the year?

OP posts:
Nat6999 · 01/11/2026 21:05

Ds learned reading supermarket & shop signs when we were out in the car, then advertising hoardings. I sat reading to him at home pointing at the words from being about 2, he could read fairly fluently by the time he started school. If you are following phonics try buying the Cbeebies type comics they follow the phonics syllabus & have reading, writing & colouring activities plus stickers.

BathshebaB · 01/11/2026 21:19

I have 3 children - all had to be treated very differently when it came to reading.

My first just refused to read to me, it was a huge battle, caused lots of stress and in the end I stopped trying to get him to read to me. I carried on reading him at least 2 books every day - at some point in the middle of year 2 he just picked up reading and has been fine since then - now doing GCSEs and absolutely fine with reading. He never ever read to me though, and has subsequently had an ADHD diagnosis and we now realise he doesn’t do anything unless it’s on his terms!

My second loved reading to me every day from the beginning of reception, it was easy and a joy, and still reads to me now at 11. Now has a reading age of 14, which is the same reading age the eldest had at 11. So despite very different starts they got to exactly the same place.

My third clearly struggled with reading, and by end of year 1 still couldn’t read at all. Reading to me was stressful but different to the eldest as he wasn’t point blank refusing to read. I suspected dyslexia and got an early intervention from the council who thought so too. He can’t be formally diagnosed until 8 which is next year but everyone is clear he is dyslexic - school are supportive and we now pay for a specialist tutor and he is improving each week, although still behind and will probably always struggle.

Have you thought of / investigated dyslexia?

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