To stop reading with ds?

[ohmaaaan]

Honestly, I am aware of how important it is. But it is an unbelievably frustrating experience and I am worried it’s putting him off reading more than anything else. Would actually really welcome advice on to how to make it less arduous 😩😩

I hear you! Ds was similar and I also worried it was doing more harm than good. Teacher was brilliant and suggested we stopped reading the book sent home from school (let's face it they are terrible!) and read anything that would interest him. Comic, magazine, non fiction book, anything. I read to him to start with and then we read a sentence each, then a page each. It was all about building his confidence. He was able to decode words but hated it so much he shut down and couldn't focus. Anyway this new approach really worked and he made brilliant progress with reading the rest of the academic year.

Thanks all. We read a book at his level (little Wandle.)

Sound wise he knows this basics but does make mistakes sometimes. When I say he doesn’t know all the sounds I don’t think he’s covered them all yet, so like ‘y’ making the ‘ee’ sound or similar.

I know advice to ‘try reading to him’ is meant kindly but massively misses the mark; I’ve been doing that since birth, we have an extremely extensive collection of books and add to it all the time and while he enjoys being read to it doesn’t help him read himself.

Thoughts on this are very different at secondary. We model all reading. Try it. Just read to him. You can ask him simple questions to check he's understood it. That is enough at home. Everyday you're modelling good reading.

You do know that in large parts of continental Europe children only start to learn to read seriously between the ages of six and seven, with the Scandinavian countries pretty much leaving it till seven. Then the majority of them (unless they have other challenges that need to be addressed) pick it up very quickly, and without the awful pressure and competitiveness we subject ours to. Reading should be a pleasure, not a struggle. You read to him, so finding something he wants to read would help. Try comics or similar (the Beano as somebody suggested) or the Dandy. Teaching reading too early can cause anxiety. Of course there will always be the parents who tell you that their precious infants were reading War and Peace by the time they were seven, but it will mostly even out in the end.

@Kossak yes, it almost always comes up on these threads.

But I’m in the UK, working with a UK schooling system. K?

@ohmaaaan Solidarity!!

Ive just spent a painful 20mins listening to my just turned 6 yo read and my patience is now hanging on by a single and very thin thread.

I honestly dont think there is a way to make it any less frustrating to hear them read a book and say blanket for every word that then begins with a b or read decision because it sounds like the sentence requires it but the word written down is p-i-ck

Time and practise is the only route through this😬

I tried to explain a bit to ds before that when I am reading with him I am thinking about all the other things I have to do and I will try not to do that and be more patient. It is painful though 😩

Have family time reading on a day you're all off work. Get reading dens made in the room (say pirate theme if you're reading about pirates, use boxes and old packaging, doesn't have to cost much). Make sure all the adults are reading too. Have snacks on hand, healthy if you want, or a buffet, so say you invite the grandparents round for a meal, but it's a buffet meal where you all read. Kind of like a film afternoon, but reading.

Thanks @seahorsessky ; it’s just me. Not totally sure about that, it would be a lot of pressure.

This is why I dislike the way we teach phonics, currently.
OP, forget sounding words out for now, find books written in rhyme, get DS used to the flow and rhythm of the stories, then ask him to 'read' the last word on each page, then all the rhyming words, as you read the story.
Keep re-reading familiar rhyming stories with no more than 4 lines on each page until he can recite them, then ask him to point to a word that he has just read. When he can do that competently, try books with more lines to a page. When he can cope with Hairy McClary from Donaldson's Dairy (Linley Dodd), you will know that you have a reader.
As for phonics, play games like I-spy, maybe with a dice that you have written letters on to familiarise him with letters and sounds.

Look, I do appreciate the advice. But I’ve got hundreds of rhyming books. I’ve got DD on my knee at the moment but I will actually take a photo of current bookshelf in a minute and that’s a small selection. He can’t get much more of a rich diet in literature in terms of me reading to him. That isn’t a problem. What is a bit of a problem is his ability to read. I’m not claiming it’s insurmountable but it does get a bit frustrating on these threads when people suggest reading The Gruffalo like it’s revolutionary advice.

And sorry - that was a very grumpy response. But honestly, he’s read to daily and a huge variety of books.

My DS was obsessed with superheroes when he was little so we bought lots of comics and books and that helped spark his interest in reading. He really liked these (better stories and pictures).

https://amzn.eu/d/04BFxaQt

(edited to add - I’ve just read your update and this probably isn’t what you’re looking for - sorry!)

OP, I get it! My 7 year old struggles with reading and spellings (whereas his sister is an amazing reader). He avoids it because it is difficult. Your wee one is only 5 so really take it slow and don't stress. I'm a primary school teacher (P2 in NI which is Yr 1 in England). My son makes a huge fuss, won't look at the words, refuses to sound them out, shouts random words out, cries etc and it is really really frustrating.

I try to take some of the stress away by giving him clues, helping him sound it out if it's challenging, giving him the more difficult words, referring to the pictures etc. Sometimes I'll read it first then it's his turn so he's a bit more confident reading the book. Other times we take it page about so we are sharing the task. I will pop some of the frequent sight words on his bedroom door and his teddies will challenge him to read them. Sometimes we will play a game of bingo and I'll write out 8 words - 4 easy, 2 moderate and then 2 I would like him to learn. He gets a treat, prize when he finds all 8 words.

And sometimes I just revert to good old bribery - read this and you get a biscuit. In the summer I used a sticker chart. Every time he read a book, he got a sticker and after 10 stickers he got a toy. It's difficult and I feel your pain but try to make it fun and help him when you see him getting frustrated (easier said than done I know). They are lots of good, fun practical activities on learning sight words on Pinterest.

Blimey, that’s expensive.

Obviously I can’t see the text but I would guess that’s a bit advanced for him tbh.

won't look at the words, refuses to sound them out, shouts random words out, cries etc and it is really really frustrating. yep. This all sounds like ds. I’m just so conscious that it’s becoming a chore we both dread.

He has got a star chart but while he’s willing to actually read he doesn’t do it with any real concentration or care I suppose so he will memorise the book but badly. It is a worry for me; I don’t want his reading to fall behind.

No, you cannot give up on reading. To make expected progress, children need to be doing 10 minutes of reading at home to an adult almost every day. Teachers do not have the time to read with every child more than once or twice a week, so this is why it must happen at home. If it was a battle to get your child to clean their teeth, would you just give up? No, of course you wouldn't, and it should be the same with reading.

School teaches children the building blocks of reading, but the practice happens at home. The less you do, the more your child falls behind.

Turn the reading into a game. Throw a dice and that is the number of words (or sentences when older) you have to read. Take turns with your child and keep a tally. The winner is the first to get to n number of words or sentences (you choose how many). Reward as you see fit.

Also reading alternate words helps the flow of the sentence so you read the first and he the second etc..

After each sentence, re-read for meaning and prosody.

Keep working on those phase 3 digraphs and phase 3 and 4 tricky words; create a noughts and crosses board and put digraphs or tricky words in the nine squares. Your child has to say the sound/word to put their O or X in the box. Oh the frustration when they know where they need to go to block you but they are having to dig deep in their minds to recall the word or digraph!

Write the digraphs or tricky words on pieces of paper and hide them around the room. Then get your child to go and find the one you say (and so on), or have the sounds/words on the floor and them have to step on the ones you say. Can they make it around the room by stepping on all the right ones?

Keep going. Just keep thinking that the children who are well supported with their learning at home do better in life. It is as simple at that. And the more you do, the better he will get. His confidence will grow, it will become routine and it won't be a struggle any more.

If you're both starting to dread it, start doing it in a different way. I really hate how schools ruin what should be enjoyable experiences.

Separate reading from learning. Learning could be simple, short but regular activities like singing the alphabet song together, looking at the letters and make all the sounds together, once a day. Just do it once. It's little and often that will make a difference.

As for actual reading (the fun bit, in my mind), does he like comics? There are loads of great kids books out now that are designed like comics, like 'Pablo and Splash', for example. Find a time where you're both relatively calm each day and stick to that time for his reading. Schools may say that your child must read x many pages, but if that's turning him off reading, just start with 2 pages and gradually increase it. At bedtime, choose a book you enjoy (which is also suitable for him) and read to him. It's a nice, calming way to end the day.

Try to incorporate active reading into everyday activities. Ask him to read street signs when you're out, or you read them to encourage him to look (.e.g do we turn left or right at Smith Street)? As an activity one weekend, take a walk around the block and get him to draw you a map, including street names he copies from signs. Play games which are fun but require different skills he doesn't realise he's using e.g. scrabble, monopoly etc. Cook together and ask him to read the ingredient list and get the items out of the cupboard for you. Read the recipe together and get him to weigh all the ingredients, so it's a bit of maths as well.

This is exactly what I was going to say.

Solidarity - my 6 year old DS is the same. Loves stories, has been read to every day since a newborn, carries his yoto player around constantly . Yet HATES reading, most days end in tears. He is also very behind in reading level compared to peers, and he knows it. We do reading in the morning before school, some days its 2 sentences, some days its 2 pages. We all dread it. He is in y2 now, so adding times tables practice into the battle ground.😩

I don’t think he’d be able to manage comics. He can’t really read at all independently: you have to be with him and pointing to the words / digraphs.

Thanks all. I will obviously carry on but I do kind of feel like all this effort is going in with very little progress being made as a result.

I am absolutely dreading that. Maths doesn’t seem too bad but since he struggles to read he needs me to read the questions.

Your ds sounds a lot like mine 😩

Search on Youtube for the clip of Romesh at the Royal Variety, talking about how horrendous it is to read with his son. It doesn't help you but the reaction of the crowd should make you feel a little better.

You need to go over phonics till he’s got them nailed on. Persist with the reading, I taught mine myself, it was painful and she didn’t always like it but we got on with it.

Also reading to a child helps them enjoy books but it’s not going to teach most kids to read. All they need to do is learn to connect symbols with sounds and that takes repetition. You may be better off with short bursts rather than longer sessions. Try ten minutes a day.

My eldest was so easy she could blast through a reading book quite easily, turns out she has a high reading age for her age. Whereas DS finds it absolute torture so we have to break it down. Honestly we do a couple of pages when immediately back from school each day. Then we read to him lots, we visit the library so he gets variety and when out and about I'll ask him what a word on a sign or menu says with the sounds he is doing. I refuse to force him to read something for a long period of time that is tedious and boring when there are other ways to engage them in reading.