‘Friends’ being fake and using kids on social media

[ConnectionsChampion]

I’ve changed a few details in case anyone recognises this.

We have friends (more long term acquaintances) who are building a following on social media. It’s not my thing at all but I’m really starting to see them in a different light because of the way they are acting.

They have 4 children, all under 8 who they are using to get views. They film their children and tell their followers what I would describe as personal information about them, like issues they’re having at school and medical problems. Their followers make comments about the children as if they know them. Every day out that they take their children on is filmed for content and the children are even filmed eating breakfast, playing and sleeping. They’ve gone from having a very normal childhood to having a camera in their face a lot of the time.

Since their social media has started to gain traction, the husband of the couple has gone off sick from work with mental health issues and is hoping something really comes of their ‘fame’. It was originally more his wife that was doing it. They are spending their days making videos for social media and doing TikTok lives. He is clearly trying to set himself up as some sort of ambassador for mental health but it comes across as really fake. He isn’t the nicest man and in the past hasn’t been sympathetic to other people suffering with mental health issues. Its typical of him to take over what his wife started too as that’s the sort of person he is. Knowing them as we do, we can see this is all sort of staged and they’re looking for a way out of work in the traditional sense.

They have really changed and you can see that they are becoming completely addicted to the idea of work being social media and getting famous. The one who is off sick has said for ages that he hates going to work and doesn’t want to go back. They hint on social media for free things and sometimes get them. It’s their use of their children in their bid to be famous that I’m really struggling with but it all just makes me think ‘ick’. His work are aware of the situation and there are questions being asked.

They've tried to film content with us around which we have refused but I haven’t told them how I feel as I don’t think it would be taken well. We know other people in their life are also concerned.

AIBU to feel the way I do, especially about the use of their children? What would you do? We aren't really close friends but we have known them for a long time so it would be difficult to just not see them. We’d either have to give an explanation of why we are not seeing them or it would be a long slow fade out when I really don’t think I can stomach them much longer.

I don’t think I’ve explained it very well but I’m struggling to. Basically I am finding their dodging work, fakeness, lies, staged life and mostly using their kids quite sickening. Some people on their social media have seen through them but the majority are saying how great they are. It’s very obvious some of the followers have questionable reasons for viewing/saving the footage of the children by some of the comments made and some of their most popular videos being what they are. 🤢

I’m not sure if I’m making much sense but I’d be interested in your thoughts.

Just don't be friends with them 🤷‍♀️

No real help but have a family member doing the same, the whole thing gives me the 'ick' in a way I can't really explain why.

That being said, i am a big believer that children shouldn't be posted on social media. I previously worked in a role that can see what happens with these images/videos of children and it is just horrifying.

We live in a society of 'no screen time' yet have parents shoving their phones in their children's faces 24/7. Beyond disturbing.

Sorry, no advice, just outlet for my own moan i guess!

Hide them in your feed and fade quietly ...

I couldn't be friends with people like this. I think you need to remove yourself from their orbit and back away, you don't want to be seeming to approve or support this lifestyle if your actual feelings towards them are the opposite. If it was small stuff you could look past it and just accept that we're all different and have different values, but this is becoming their whole lifestyle. You don't need to be rude or snobby about it, just gradually reduce contact, if they ask just be polite and factual: you're different people.

You have to be true to yourself and stick to your principles on this occasion, and they can stick to theirs, but there is no future in this friendship. You can't be a fake friend.

Yes, this. It’s not complicated.

defo unfriend them.

if they post things like the day their kid was born or subsequent “happy birthday to little jimmy john smith my beautiful boy, four today” type messages it’s easy for hackers to start using that info to steal their identities.

the parents are stupid. and lazy. i’d have nothing to do with them.

Of course you’re not unreasonable but you’ve no say over these people’s lives.

so either own it and tell them or don’t judge, but judging them, bitching behind their backs and starting threads so others can judge them too, whilst being nice to them and socialising with them isn’t covering you in glory either.

I struggle with social media and the ethics of it all - there’s one woman who has adopted and I know details of her children’s diagnosis even though she’s a complete stranger. She talks openly about what sort of a day they’ve had and issues they’ve opened up to her about. And her kids are secondary school age.

there’s also a famous woman I follow who’s mother in law has Alzheimer’s- she records and posts videos and pics of her. I really struggle with this given that due to the diagnosis, her mother in law does not have the capacity to consent to any of this being online, regardless of whether she was when she was well. It’s awful really.

Stop socialising with these dreadful people and stop following them on social media. Job done.

To be fair, we have made our excuses and not seen them since it’s ramped up, but people are noticing. We either need to tell them how we feel or just keep making excuses.

I do judge people who are fake, create illnesses to dodge work and use their children like this giving them very little privacy.

I’m not interested in covering myself in glory. I’m saying it how I see it.

They are just doing what most other social media families are doing. Portraying an image for their followers,for likes and views.

You don't like them. Walk away from the friendship. If they want to know why, have the guts to tell the truth and leave them to it.

Then tell them, instead you’re making excuses.

I have friends who are Influencers - but that’s their job - they are not missing work or calling in sick. They’re kids are on there too and tbh - they don’t know any different. They are very respectful of putting their friends in their videos tho - it’s only them and the people who say they’re ok to be filmed. You don’t like them - no problem. Just avoid them and tell them why.

I’ve posted to see how people would deal with it. If we tell them, it won’t just affect us and them. We have friends and acquaintances in common so it isn’t that easy.

Personalky if I was judging people this hard I’d be disgusted at myself not owning it and lying, I’d simply say I’m uncomfortable with your lifestyle so don’t wish ri see you anymore,

however I don’t judge in the same manner,

Though?
You just don't feel you don't have much in common anymore or your lifestyles differ.
No need to be rude but sometimes friendships don't work anymore such is life.
I mean you weren't even friends why would anybody care if an acquaintance distances themselves.

🙄

It's not complicated in terms of I wouldn't be worrying about potentially upsetting the parents or ruining a friendship that seems to have run its course anyway but ideally it would be better if the kids had adults around to support them if/when they become unhappy with the filming. When you hear about the really bad kidfluencer cases, particularly in the US, a key aspect of it seems to be the family slowly isolating itself from as much outside influence as possible (cutting off extended family, homeschooling, only socialising with friends with a similar lifestyle) so the kids don't realise how weird their lives are.

I appreciate this would probably be more the role of grandparents/aunts and uncles or at least very close family friends rather than OP who is more of an acquaintance, though.

I think you're making a lot of excuses to be honest.

Your friends are a reflection of you, so it's time to shit or get off the pot.

The world won't end if you simply fade the friendship out.

Just tell them your not interested in being friends with people who plaster their kids all over social media for likes of pedophiles to see. Fucking idiots there should be a law against this.

Have any other friends stepped away? I can’t imagine you’re the only ones feeling this way about it.

The kids haven’t consented. I think it’s an awful thing to do to children. No privacy. Hundreds random people following them. Suprisingly common tho. Free stuff makes it seem worthwhile.

How do you conclude whether or not someone is "fake"? Is it because they do something you disagree with or because you judge them to be insincere? If the latter, how do you know? I know I'm in the minority here, and I don't agree with putting children on social media, but you sound nasty and jealous.

Oh god don't tell them!! You'll become their latest "content" idea and they'll make videos about you.

I'd just stop all contact TBH and if they push for an answer day you're not comfortable being on social media.

I think you need to avoid them and if possible make your feelings known. I doubt they will care, but they could do with knowing that you believe they are exploiting their children. It might begin to open their eyes a bit. I think putting children on camera like this is a form of abuse and should be illegal and I think eventually it will be. Even a subtle 'they won't thank you for this.. ' might sow a seed. Other than that I don't think you can do much. I'm not sure if I'd have the guts to confront them, I'd probably just unfollow them and not contact them again and if they question it then be honest.