‘Friends’ being fake and using kids on social media

[ConnectionsChampion]

I’ve changed a few details in case anyone recognises this.

We have friends (more long term acquaintances) who are building a following on social media. It’s not my thing at all but I’m really starting to see them in a different light because of the way they are acting.

They have 4 children, all under 8 who they are using to get views. They film their children and tell their followers what I would describe as personal information about them, like issues they’re having at school and medical problems. Their followers make comments about the children as if they know them. Every day out that they take their children on is filmed for content and the children are even filmed eating breakfast, playing and sleeping. They’ve gone from having a very normal childhood to having a camera in their face a lot of the time.

Since their social media has started to gain traction, the husband of the couple has gone off sick from work with mental health issues and is hoping something really comes of their ‘fame’. It was originally more his wife that was doing it. They are spending their days making videos for social media and doing TikTok lives. He is clearly trying to set himself up as some sort of ambassador for mental health but it comes across as really fake. He isn’t the nicest man and in the past hasn’t been sympathetic to other people suffering with mental health issues. Its typical of him to take over what his wife started too as that’s the sort of person he is. Knowing them as we do, we can see this is all sort of staged and they’re looking for a way out of work in the traditional sense.

They have really changed and you can see that they are becoming completely addicted to the idea of work being social media and getting famous. The one who is off sick has said for ages that he hates going to work and doesn’t want to go back. They hint on social media for free things and sometimes get them. It’s their use of their children in their bid to be famous that I’m really struggling with but it all just makes me think ‘ick’. His work are aware of the situation and there are questions being asked.

They've tried to film content with us around which we have refused but I haven’t told them how I feel as I don’t think it would be taken well. We know other people in their life are also concerned.

AIBU to feel the way I do, especially about the use of their children? What would you do? We aren't really close friends but we have known them for a long time so it would be difficult to just not see them. We’d either have to give an explanation of why we are not seeing them or it would be a long slow fade out when I really don’t think I can stomach them much longer.

I don’t think I’ve explained it very well but I’m struggling to. Basically I am finding their dodging work, fakeness, lies, staged life and mostly using their kids quite sickening. Some people on their social media have seen through them but the majority are saying how great they are. It’s very obvious some of the followers have questionable reasons for viewing/saving the footage of the children by some of the comments made and some of their most popular videos being what they are. 🤢

I’m not sure if I’m making much sense but I’d be interested in your thoughts.

I think you absolutely have said enough to identify them, I knew straight away who you were talking about.

Claire Abebrese?

What's with all the quiet fade ideas? Tell them how you really feel. You feel too principled to be around them but won't bother to confront them for the kids sake. It's a bit cowardly.

Definitely identify able from what you have said, I knew straight away & agree with you!

What would be the point? Do you seriously think it will make any difference at all, except create more drama? OP is allowed to set a boundary and not have to explain herself to anyone.

A few people have said that but the person named on the thread and the names that a few posters have PM’d me are all incorrect. I doubt Mumsnet allow naming people on the thread and I won’t be confirming any PMs for obvious reasons. I’m not here to out them or me, i have changed some details as I said.

Anyway, thank you again for all of your opinions. Some people think I’m a coward for not wanting to speak up but we just don’t want an argument that won’t change anything. We do not believe they would change what they’re doing if we told them how we feel so it would be a pointless argument that would impact more people than just us.

You decided to come online and share a very specific set of circumstances, then insist that nobody would recognise the couple? I agree with a lot of what you said on your original post but come on, you can’t have it both ways. The couple I’m pretty sure OP is talking about both have names beginning with J.

I take a lot of photos and videos and I have never once had a phone in my children’s faces. Just saying. That said …

Influencers are tedious as hell and YANBU to not want to be a part of that. Personally I prefer the upfront ones to the ones who stick those ridiculous emojis over their children’s faces.

I'd phase them out of my life but i would worry about the children. I think it is appalling to use children on social media, they cannot consent, it is intrusive, fake, staged and a whole lot of other wrongs. In years to come there will be a real reckoning when children who have been exploited in this way grow up and speak out

Vile. There should be strict regs on people wheeling out their children on SM. 🤢

I think you’re right not to say anything and just let the friendship go. You don’t want to be caught up in their drama and if they’re so focused on being social media famous, they won’t stop if you say anything even if you raise it with them. I really wish children weren’t allowed to be put online. So many of these vlogging type families are ruining their children’s childhood.

The OP hasn’t “insisted” nobody will recognise them. She said people have guessed wrongly and she also said she changed some details, so something that you’re thinking means you know who they are could be a changed detail.

I have insta and TikTok and have no clue who OP is talking about. OP hasn’t asked us to guess anyway. She’s asked whether people would feel like she does and how they would move forward.

I am pretty sure i know who you are talking about. I would distance yourself from them, not make a big deal if it will affect a group of friends

She’s literally said herself she’d be surprised if anyone identified them? I don’t really get how someone can describe something very niche, then act shocked when people start putting two and two together. You might not know who she’s talking about, but I do, so not really sure what your point is?

She’s changed the number of children they have, not fabricated the entire story. The whole point is to get opinions on a real life situation, so surely most of what she’s written reflects what’s actually happening? Otherwise, she’d be asking for opinions on a made up scenario. Please be so fr

What “people”? Other acquaintances? So what?

You don't have to like what they are doing, you don’t have to spend time with them. You want to tell them so you feel superior. You want them to know about your judgement. This is obvious because it’s really easy to just, you know, not see people. If anyone does ask (which they probably won’t because who actually cares) just say you’re busy.

I wouldn’t do this, the type of content doesn’t interest me, but there is a market for it and if that’s how people want to make their money, more power to them.

I think it should be illegal to use children on social media like this. They should have a right to privacy and can't consent. Their parents should be protecting them instead of putting them on the internet for just any one to see. I think it will be illegal in the future when these kids grow up and change the laws.

In the mean time, I'd keep a safe distance from these people. They sound awful

I’m not sure I buy the idea that there’s going to be an avalanche of legal claims from “traumatised” people whose parents filmed them when they were little and put it on social media. YouTube vlogging began in the late 2000s and Instagram has been around for more than 15 years. There will be adults in their 20s and late teens now who were filmed as kids by influencer parents. Has anyone heard of any of them suing their parents?

She’s saying she isn’t going to tell them as she doesn’t want an argument, so saying she wants them to know is you just making it up.

You're ok with people exploiting their children for views? Really?

We have family who have gone down this path. Their children are now homeschooled, although not much schooling happens and instead they make TikTok’s. We have distanced ourselves as they are insufferable. I feel so sorry for the children and my husband and other family members did express their concerns but got shouted down. On the back of that they made a video about unsupportive jealous people who want to destroy their life. Leave them to it and hope and pray that the government sees sense and puts laws in place to protect the children because at the moment, parents are free to fuck their children’s lives up.

You can’t make them stop and speaking about it would definitely end the friendship. You can choose to distance yourself from them and if they ask why say something like “you always want to film our get togethers and we don’t want to have them on social media” and you can ensure that your children are never posted by them. Don’t comment on or like any posts so you aren’t contributing to the popularity of it and if she asks if you saw a post always say no in a disinterested way.