I NEED a new perspective on this, please anyone?

[WinterWally]

I've been with my partner for almost a decade. He has always loved and appreciated the gifts that I give him for his birthday, and he has items and things from me displayed all around the home.
This year for his birthday, I wanted to get something more sentimental and thoughtful, so I made him a lovebook. I thought it was a sweet idea to remind him how much he means to me.
Anyway, the book hasn't gone down too well because he "can't show his mum", and "I wanted something that I could display, not have to hide".
This being because it has a couple of "naughty" pages about us included in the 60 or so pages.
I did also get him a few other bits and a nice card.
Anyway, I feel very put out. I didnt buy the gift wondering if he would be able to show his mum. I brought the gift for him, not her. She's been able to see all of the other gifts that I got him through the years, and this time I was only thinking of him because it's for him.
Am I in the wrong here, or is he being ridiculous? He's been quite mean and rude regarding it.
Am I being unreasonable to gift him a gift that he can't show off for once, or is it OK?
Wtf

Tell him to ram it up his arse, ungrateful git.

I haven't voted as I'm in the middle.

On the one hand, I do cringe when women buy these gifts for men, it's women who want them not men, you've basically bought yourself something you'd like, which I think is a present no no.

Having said that, he's rude and grabby. "I wanted something I could display" entitled and bratish.

I think he was wrong to be rude about it.

I think you need to accept that your gift didn’t hit the mark this year and isn’t something he liked.

I think he was wrong to be rude about it.

I think you need to accept that your gift didn’t hit the mark this year.

Hmmm a lot of people wouldn't really like that sort of gift, OP. It was obvious his mum would ask him what you got him - did you expect her to want to see it?

Let it go. Sometimes our gift ideas don’t work out. Doesn’t sound as if you can return this one for a refund so be lighthearted about it and don’t hold onto this.

It's not really a present for a man, is it?

How

How old are you both? And do you live together? I don’t get why presents have to be mum friendly personally. Surely if he said something like ‘she got me a book with passages she’s written herself’ or similar, no one would expect to be able to read it?

Yes, I'm split on this, too. He shouldn't be rude about the gift, but I probably wouldn't really want something like that, either (even as a woman!), though my reasons wouldn't be that I couldn't display it or show it to my mother.

I'd tell him that his reaction has been noted and you certainly won't be giving him another love book 🙄but he needs to accept that this is what you gave him this year. He can simply tell his mum that you bought a private gift this year, if he has to say anything, or show her the other things and leave it at that.

I bet he wouldn't be complaining he couldn't show his mum if you'd bought him something fun or saucy for the bedroom!

Its ok if it's not quite what hed have wanted, it's NOT ok to be a dick about it. You've taken time and effort to create something personal and memorable.

And people saying "its not a gift for a man is it" wtaf? When my dad turned 60, I had made him a this is your life style photo memory book, and he loved it. My sons both love the books I have made for them over the years.
Maybe its just not a gift for self absorbed people who dont care about shared experiences and memories with others!

Sorry OP, its upsetting when you've tried to do something meaningful and the recipient is acting like you gifted them a turd.

I hadn't thought of it like that.
It's basically just a book about all of the personality traits and reasons why I love him as he is. It has cartoons of us on every page. It's just a one off, as I usually get him "man" items and gadgets. I thought I'd change it up this year.
I don't mind if the gift didn't go down well, I won't do it again.
I was just confused why it was such a big deal that his mum won't be able to see it. Are people supposed to only buy gifts for their loved ones that they can show and tell? New to me.

I thought he would, as he keeps notes I've written and that kind of thing, so he is a sentimental person.
I guess it didn't occur to me, as it's not for her. What's wrong with a gift that's only for his eyes? (for once!)
I just wanted to see other people's opinions on the matter anyway. I'll not take it to heart, but won't bother doing something like that for him again.

It's just a one off kind of gift. I thought it was thoughtful. I guess I totally got it wrong this year 😅

As a man I'd cringe to get something like that. I can see why you did it, but it's a bit 14 year old girl friend for me I'm afraid.

Right, I'm going to be sexist and say that most men wouldn't particularly appreciate a "love book" but to be honest I've never heard of them. However, he sounds like a bloody child wanting to show mummy his presents. I mean, for fuck sake. He also sounds like an ungrateful arsehole. You went to time, trouble and expense and he should count his blessings that he has someone that cares. Personally I was brought up to be gracious and grateful but it sounds like mummy dearest didn't instil that quality in him.

I’d hate a gift like that and presumably so does he .

I don’t think my husband has ever gone out of his way to show his mum the birthday gifts I’ve got him! So in that sense, his reasoning is very bizarre.

Thank you.
I thought it was a lovely gesture and something to make him feel good.
I certainly won't bother again, I'll stick to boring socks, a mug, or a practical household item etc.
It wasn't the fact that he's not keen, it's the fact that he's being mean about it, because he can't show it to his mum. Who buys their partner a present thinking "I wonder what his mum will think" "I hope his mum will appreciate his gift too"
Never mind anyway, we live and we learn.

My DH would love this kind of present even tho he's a man. I wouldn't make one tho cos I'm too lazy.

I think he has been an arse here. We've all got presents that we haven't liked before. And this one clearly had a lot of time and effort put into it by the giver. Yeah he might not have liked it, but there are ways of saying that. Not a churlish 'but I wanted x' and certainly not being mean and rude.

I'd be adding to it in red sharpie that you love him 'despite his ungracious acceptance of personal presents that aren't quite to his taste'.

Does he always get you your perfect present every year OP?

I think it was a lovely idea. I appreciate we're all different, and maybe it wasn't his cup of tea but it's all rather performative isn't it, needing to show off his gifts to his mum? And slightly enmeshed.

Yeah sorry but just no. I'd hate this sort of gift. Ewww

That said, he shouldn't have been rude to you about it as you obviously meant well and tried to be thoughtful

I honestly have never heard of such a thing and can't imagine anyone, especially a man having any interest in it. Like what, some AI guff romance story or nauseating poems coupled with pictures? I just can't see it going down well with anyone?