I NEED a new perspective on this, please anyone?

[WinterWally]

I've been with my partner for almost a decade. He has always loved and appreciated the gifts that I give him for his birthday, and he has items and things from me displayed all around the home.
This year for his birthday, I wanted to get something more sentimental and thoughtful, so I made him a lovebook. I thought it was a sweet idea to remind him how much he means to me.
Anyway, the book hasn't gone down too well because he "can't show his mum", and "I wanted something that I could display, not have to hide".
This being because it has a couple of "naughty" pages about us included in the 60 or so pages.
I did also get him a few other bits and a nice card.
Anyway, I feel very put out. I didnt buy the gift wondering if he would be able to show his mum. I brought the gift for him, not her. She's been able to see all of the other gifts that I got him through the years, and this time I was only thinking of him because it's for him.
Am I in the wrong here, or is he being ridiculous? He's been quite mean and rude regarding it.
Am I being unreasonable to gift him a gift that he can't show off for once, or is it OK?
Wtf

I did this and he absolutely loved it - but it was a side gift and not the main event. Having said that, he loved it so much, maybe it could have been, hard to tell. He’s a bit sentimental though, so it depends on the person.

OP. The man likes to brag about the gifts you provide so everyone knows how well you know him. No need for him to be rude about the sentimental book. That was mean.

I think I’d be a bit nauseous if my OH gave me a present like this!!

I can’t think of any straight man I know who wouldn’t be faintly disappointed and irritated, not to mention insanely uncomfortable and embarrassed to receive a ‘love book’ from their partner for their birthday rather than, say, tickets to a concert by their favourite band or a new pair of binoculars.

It would be like a ten year old expecting a Robux gift card and instead getting a photo album of their baby pictures and a handwritten poem.

I’d expect an adult to be polite about it.

But if you must give gifts like this, do it for Valentine’s Day or anniversaries.

Only liking things that he can show mummy or have on display is very odd.

It’s also ungrateful to receive a gift and be rude and mean to your face regardless of the gift.

Buy him a selection of butt plugs for Christmas. Make sure that mummy is there when he opens them.

It isn’t about the gift, it’s about his reaction. Say thank you and shove it in a drawer.

He wanted something to display…like a lifetime achievement award??

I wonder if he really didn't like the gift, especially as it is very different to anything you have given him before, and he's using his mum as an excuse as he feels he can't outright say he doesn't like it.

I would also dislike anything like this, I am not sentimental in that way and it would make me very uncomfortable, perhaps he feels the same but doesn't know how to say this to you.

Was the gift something you’d of liked rather than thinking what he would like. My husband would hate a gift like that, he doesn’t love me any less! If your husband had bought you something he likes more than you would you feel like him? I understand where he’s coming from I would really dislike a sentimental gift.

This ^^

Lovely thoughtful gift.

Amongst other gifts I did a jar of hearts for an 80th ..80 things I love about you 5cm hearts...the recipient was tearful about it and repeatedly said they were really touched, amazed at so many different events & kindnesses recalled.

Far better than more junk to show someone they matter ❤️

Your someone OP sounds a bit grabby

Maybe...

Would be interested to know what gifts OP receives from him ?

I think this too - he is using the showing mum thing as an excuse. I’d hate it too, sorry.

I don’t think he literally wanted a gift he could show to his mum.

I think this was an indirect way of saying, this is not the sort of thing I like, and that is clear to anyone who knows me at all. If people ask me what you did for my birthday and I tell them about this, they will laugh or roll their eyes, and I don’t want to be put in a position where it looks like I’m being disloyal to you if I don’t insist I liked it, when in truth it seems to be far less about what I might enjoy and more about you and how important this relationship is to you, and your claim on me.

💯 this.
Id hate something like that (sorry OP we are all different eh?)
But I wouldn’t want to hurt you and I’d make up some weird excuse in the heat of the moment whilst dying inside with embarrassment

I mean my DH has brought me stuff I don’t wanna tell my parents about and when they ask normally a “you don’t want to know but trust me it was great” suffices. Don’t get me wrong I love showing my gifts off and my parents (especially my mum) are very nosey, but they know there’s some stuff they don’t wanna know about. I think your DH was ungrateful and also I think it’s a bit weird his mum needs to see all his gifts. He probably just didn’t like it unfortunately OP. If I gave my husband something like this he’d probably just say I missed the mark on this but we’ve always been very honest with one another about gifts.

Op, regardless of what the present was, he is utterly mad complaining he can’t show his Mum!!! That’s crazy!

My DM might randomly know what I got if I’m wearing a lovely neck bracelet or something, but not usually, and don’t think my MIL has ever known what we’ve got eachother for the 25+ years we’ve been together.

It sound extremely childish.

I made his one into more of a memory book about days out and things we've done. I also added a lot of humour, more than soppy lovey dovey, or childish stuff.
I appreciate that not everyone would like it though. As a man, would you just prefer a generic present over a thoughtful one? I spent around 7 hours of my spare time editing and adding pages (not that I told him that, and not that I mind either), but apparently a tshirt or gadget from the shop that he could show his mum would have gone down better...

Sounds like he was rude, but presents like this are a bit of a gamble. I think it's something I would absolutely hate, I'd be mortified and it would probably put me off the person giving to me. That's a me problem I realise! But you do need to be careful and know the recipient very well.

I'd give it a day or two and if it's still bothering you talk with him about it; it seems like there are a lot of guesses about what exactly he meant or might have been thinking or feeling but only he knows. He of course shouldn't have been rude or mean - perhaps he'll apologise, or perhaps he doesn't even realise he was?

I have to admit, though, I'd secretly be tempted to keep the concept of things being rubbish/not worth doing if one can't show one's mum up my sleeve for future occasions - "oh, we'd better stop now or we're not going to be able to tell your mum about this!" 😊

I would absolutely hate a "lovebook" whatever that is so Im with him

I'm a woman and have never heard of a "love book" and would find it unbelievably cringy and possibly think DP was having a psychotic episode if he got me something like this. However, I'd just smile/ grimace and say thanks and it certainly wouldn't cross my mind whether or not I could show it to my mum. Assuming you're both adults it is quite a weird reaction.

I'm absolutely baffled by the mean comments here. My own DH would be overcome with emotion if I did something like this, as would I. I don't think it's unreasonable for OP to have thought he would like it.

Worrying what his mother thinks and being ungrateful for his sweet wife's effort seems very off to me. Further conversations required about the root of it all.

It is not mean to acknowledge we are all different and might not actually like this sort of gift! The OP asked for a different perspective after all

Right, but I am quite obviously talking about the comments calling it childish, nauseating, and comparing OP to a 14 year old girl. There is no need to kick OP when she is down.

I’m on the fence. We have DC in their early 20s who would love to go through all photo albums. Inclusion of the naughty pictures means it needs to be hidden. He was wrong to be rude but I see why he was annoyed to get something that needs to be hidden.