Friend stopped talking to me.

[Bubbly6677]

I would just really like to know if I am being unreasonable here.

A few months ago my friend and I had a weekend trip planned Fri- Sunday which I had to cancel a few weeks before. Before anyone comes for me, I paid for the full weekend and she ended up taking a work colleague as I felt so bad about cancelling, I just covered the whole thing, mainly so she had lost no money.

I had been having some issues with my husband (we were going through quite a bad patch) and was dropping my son to Uni. We had planned a spa weekend which I found out in the days coming up was actually a drinking weekend, she knows me and my husband have this as a boundary in our relationship- its negotiable obviously for certain occasions- but he has had to pick me up multiple times with this certain friend due to her behaviour. I was not in the head space at all for this and realised I was completely overwhelmed and that things in my home and personal life mattered more than a weekend away, which we have done every year for god knows how long.

She is now not speaking to me at all and has said I am selfish. Before this, I was getting slightly grated speaking to her as she messages all day, calls me boring whenever I did not fancy doing something mad and kept telling me to leave my husband as soon as I would mention a slight disagreement. We both rant a similar amount and have seen each other through a few things, but I was really made to feel like prioritising my family and not trying to work through it was the worst decision ever. It all got a bit weird.

Since I cancelled she has only messaged to say I am selfish and she is putting herself first now. Her husband is younger and she still goes out a lot, whereas I am now enjoying doing actual things. I have other friends I do not have this issue with even slightly and whilst I felt bad for cancelling I did my utmost to make sure there was no financial hit to her whatsoever and checked she could take someone else. I actually have realised I don't care about the friendship, but was the way I went about this unreasonable?

You've done nothing wrong, OP. Let her think you're selfish and boring, good riddance to her!

I'm assuming this is a wind-up follow on considering its the reverse of a thread a few weeks back.

your friend posted on MN at the time and was rojndly told she wa being unreasonable.

You're fine - go on as you are. You and sha want different things.

You did nothing wrong. Sounds like the friendship has moved on and you are at different life stages. I would have cancelled when the spa trip was going to be a drinking trip too.

No, I am asking if I am being unreasonable x

"no" to what?

like I said, your friend posted here at the time you cancelled. Everyone told her that she was being unreasonable.

Youre fine. You are not being unreasonable. Go on as you are.

Actually just looked at your friend's thread. I would be delighted if I were you that she is no longer talking/in contact with you. You have done nothing and was not unreasonable. She sounds self-centered and immature. You are better off with out her.

She doesn’t sound like a good friend. It sounds as though she wants someone to fulfil a role in her life but you don’t fit the role description - perhaps you have in the past and have changed. That’s fine. The friendship has run its course. Neither of you need to instigate a big break up. Just let it tail off.

Edit to add - I haven’t seen the other thread so my comment is based on your post alone.

Are you saying my friend posted about me? Do you have a link please?

I didn't see the other thread but based on what you've said it doesn't look so black and white to me.

You go every year and you've pulled out because your husband and you have a 'sometimes' boundary about drinking? That could be a boundary when it suits you.

You're complaining about DH a lot but dropping your tradition with your friend to 'work through' stuff at home? That sounds like when my weekends away and time with friends became too much hassle in my relationship with my controlling ex. I now see the same pattern with a friend of mine who has a partner controlling her. Somehow our plans always get shelved last minute.

It's not just the money for the weekend away - it's the friendship she was looking forward to.

Now I'm not saying you're in the wrong. But more info is needed. Was the weekend going to be a mandatory drinking weekend or was that just an idea from your friend thinking you'd be keen?

I think this is your friend

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5575734-friend-has-cancelled-on-me-last-minute

We go away once a year- as we have gotten older I've stopped enjoying drinking ones etc and have made this clear. I'll still have a drink, but her weekends now are still parties and pubs and mine are going for dinner.

There's a boundary for going drinking with a select few people- he has had to pick me up on many occasions with her because she has got blind drunk, into fights etc and I have become concerned so wanted to leave and he's come and got me and also dropped her home because she was too inebriated to get in an uber. This has also been explained to her- now she can do as she wants, but I am not comfortable around that kind of behaviour. She was supposed to book a spa and said she had then at the last minute she said oh Suprise! We are going for a weekend of bar crawls, nightclubs etc not a spa.

I'm talking like just general moaning about partners to each other. I see other friends plenty and there is no issue with it.

I remember another story almost exactly the same but I can't find it now, if you look you'll probably find it

@Bubbly6677 Here's the thread.

Pretty sure this thread and that one are just one person doing a creative writing exercise though.

The other post is clearly a reverse.

In that case one hundred percent you're not being unreasonable.

Or this one is. But either way the response is the same. Friend 1 and a colleague got a free holiday because friend 2 felt bad about dropping out when she didn’t want to go on a boozy weekend away. Sounds like a win win all round.

You don't have to drink on a boozy weekend if you don't want to. Excuses about being overwhelmed are pretty annoying.