Friend has cancelled on me last minute

[hungryowl]

Due to go away this weekend from Friday to Monday. Friend has been having rocky patch with husband. She has messaged me today saying she can no longer come as she needs to focus on her family and not have a boozy weekend away. I paid for the whole thing and she was going to cover activities. She has just done me a bank transfer for the full amount so I’m not out of pocket.

We have had many outings before but in the message she specified that at 42 she no longer really fancies boozy weekends and she feels that I haven’t made an effort to reach out at all in recent months and just doesn’t want to go anymore! I think she’s peri menopausal but it should be no excuse cancelling last minute. I wanted a break away from my family as well. I have told her she needs to prepare more for her kids going to uni this month and preparing for empty nest feelings. I don’t like her husband and have been questioning her relationship with him to her whilst they have been arguing and advising heavily to leave him because as she’s getting older she’s now going to pottery and walking groups and spending more and more time with him and I feel like we are losing our connection. I want to go out and be social like we normally are and she’s being extremely boring. Her husband has issues with me because I had an affair but was fine with me before now he seems to think I am a scary influence.

AIBU to just cut her off now?

You don’t want her to spend time with her husband? When they’re trying to save their marriage?

Sounds like you both just want different things from friendship. I don’t know why you need to make a dramatic decision to ‘cut her off’ it’ll probably naturally fade out.

A) It's only Monday so hardly last minute and B) She's paid for it so you're not out of pocket.
Sounds like she is going through a very hard time and you have been quite preachy towards her.
Actually, is this a reverse?

Yes please cut her off, for her benefit.

Your poor friend.

If this is real, you sound rude, thoughtless and like a steamroller.

It’s not your place to tell your friends to do anything. A good friend would listen, sympathise, then, if asked, offer advice.

are you able to go out and be social without booze?

if someone wants to cut back on the booze the best thing they can do is not hang out with people who can only booze.

I don’t think it’s your place to “advise heavily” that she leaves her husband.

She clearly feels like all this weekend will be is another attempt to persuade her to divorce her DH and she doesn’t want to listen to it anymore.

Be gracious, tell her it’s absolutely fine and you understand and suggest maybe dinner on Saturday night instead and you will make more effort to show up for her.

Or don’t and keep being a bad friend and cut her off because she didn’t divorce her husband when you told her to….!

Wow what an unsupportive friend you are being! Who needs enemies with friends like you!

I haven’t been preachy. I’ve been factual. In the last two years she’s stopped drinking and is doing things like following him along to his hobbies and sitting with his friends wives. She asked him to help her stop drinking but this seems to mean she doesn’t drink at all when she’s out which I find controlling on his part.

Reverse? Or joke?

Sounds like she should cut you out.

Wow. She’s got a lot on, she’s not dumped you last minute AND paid you the money.

She’s being boring ?! Do you have an alcohol problem ?

find another friend since it’s paid for, go alone. But cut this woman some slack.

jeez

Oooh could be reverse. It’s weird otherwise

SHE asked HIM to help her stop drinking but now because you lost your drinking buddy you’re saying it’s controlling of him?

Sounds like she has just decided on her own not to drink and you’re pushing her to drink when she doesn’t want to….!

Maybe shes identified that alcohol is a problem for her right now. Doesnt mean shes an alcoholic but wants to cut down or stop for a while.

However re reading your Op i feel like this must be a reverse.

There it is!

So basically shes decided shes happier living a sober life meanwhile your encouraging her to drink and calling her boring? No wonder she doesn't want to go. You are an enabler and need to be avoided at all costs. And FYI if you need to drink to have fun you are the boring one.

🧌

OP you should be happy for your friend that her and husband are trying to save their marriage. Love and support is what you should be offering!
Don’t be so selfish. You are not out of pocket…take yourself off for the weekend and maybe do a bit of self reflection!

What is a reverse? Yes and now he has advised her not to be around people who are drinking?? Tells her me and one other woman have never grown up and she’s not the same person when we are around. Controlling no?

You're the controlling one. She asked him for help to stop drinking and your trying to force her to continue drinking. Seriously wtf this can't be real.

You cannot be for real ?
daily mail ??

You sound awful and frankly unhinged.

I'm glad your friend has wised up.

Not as controlling as you, her friend, trying to make her drink when she doesn’t want to or drinking around her when she is trying to live a teetotal life!

I’m not trying to force her to drink at all. But she now has this attitude of not wanting to come anywhere where there is alcohol and also shared with me her husband is uncomfortable with me speaking to men etc while we are out, she doesn’t so I don’t see the issue? Can she never speak to anyone outside because she’s married?

You don’t sound like a very good friend I think it’s best you both move on