AIBU to feel ruddy proud of myself?

[SoonToBePinocchiosExWife]

Soooooo
Not going to go into details but currently going through the financials in mediation. Stbxh is as usual evasive and vague. Most of his papers are missing, stuff isn't disclosed, and those papers that have been submitted paint an interesting picture. Obviously multiple discrepancies. He comes out with ever more fantastical tales until he just suddenly gave up and confessed something pretty major to the mediators. I won't say what is was. Just that I'm not the only one who'll be pretty peed off with him. He's now oh so upset and doing the whole woe is me thing. I'm feeling pretty proud that I managed to rein in emotion and do my homework, because if I hadn't kept pushing, he'd have got away with it. Funnily enough, if he hadn't have said exactly what he'd done, I'm not sure I'd have ever realised based on the evidence available to me.

It was a bit of a shock but shouldn't have been. Once a Pinocchio, always a Pinocchio.

So do I deserve a cheer, oh wise Mumsnetters?

Well done OP. It all sounds very stressful so it's good that you've forced him to disclose the truth.
Hope you end up with a fair settlement.

Thank you. Unfortunately I fear this may be the tip of the iceberg. I don't think I can trust him to tell the truth about all the other discrepancies so I'm mentally preparing for court. I am interested in what the mediators statement about it will say. They seemed very cross

Glad you are getting somewhere. Mediation is painful and costs a lot, takes a lot of time and effort so well done. Good luck x

Can we now play a guessing game of what it was?

Online porn or gambling or bad 'investments' are too boring to be the answer.

I am guessing a secret child to a mistress that he has been sending money to for years.

Blimey OP, bet that took your breath away!
Well done.
My ex is still in the blatant lies to the Court stage but there’s now so so many lies that it’s all starting to come crashing down on him. Telling the truth would have been far less stressful for him!
Not sure I understand why they think it’s worth it!

Ironically, had he just been honest to start with it wouldn't have been such an issue. As it is I now have proof of his dishonesty and suspect a judge will penalise him heavily for this. Not to mention that the mediators he's charmed are now able to see what he's really like. The mask has well and truly dropped.

Much more boring than any of those. But a definite jaw dropping moment followed by a "how on earth could anyone be so stupid"!

You should definitely be very proud of yourself. And definitely having evidence that he has lied will go badly for him.

Your life is going to feel more and more like this going forwards.

Oh go on tell us! What's the point of an anonymous forum if you can't spill the tea about people who are perfect strangers to us!

One lie casts doubt on everything else he’s said.
The mask slipping is a very satisfying moment, especially when witnessed by someone official!
My ex lied about why he couldn’t attend a court hearing last December, this September he told a different lie about why he couldn’t attend last December.
Sometimes I think I’d be interesting to work out what goes on in their brains…but the reality is that it would probably be terrifying!

Well done! I always tell women on here to keep pushing for what is a fair settlement to them and not to give up and take much less, just because their Ex is dragging their feet and making everything stressful.

It took me 4.5 years to get the finances sorted as they were quite complicated and he ran his own business. My 'OMG' moment was in court when he got cross and suddenly said to the judge and my barrister who was querying financial records, 'Yes - but you don't seem to understand that those accounts are just for the TAX man!!!'

Even his own barrister shook his head in disbelief.

That's brilliant!

I think I had a similar moment listening to him coming out with fantastical explanation after explanation. He actually gave about 4 different stories, each time an inconsistency was pointed out he came out with another story. Am amazed that it didn't occur to him that he was absolutely destroying his credibility.

I would but am nervous about the confidentiality clause. Given that my stbxh has pretty much handed me what I wanted on a plate, I'm loathe to risk it by breaking confidentiality.
I'll give you a general idea by saying he was trying to hide thousands!!!

Don’t risk it until it’s done and dusted. Don’t feel obliged to MN’ters

Proud of you!

Smash the patriarchy!!!

OP, the services of a forensic accountant are the best money many women spend in a divorce.
I know of a couple of cases where Ex wives were genuinely gobsmacked at what emerged.

One man had been siphoning off money from some consultancy work into an account he shared with his sister for a decade.

When it was exposed the judge took a very dim view of his lying to the court and falsely signing his disclosure.
He claimed he'd forgotten, utter nonsense, which went against him.

Get a recommendation from your solicitor.
Money so well spent.

How will the other people find out though?

Not a good mediator if seemed “very cross”!

Well done OP. It’s horrible that he’s being obstructive here!

Just make sure you hire a reputable forensic accountant if you think there’s more. Ge may have disclosed whatever he disclosed because it’s the tip of the iceberg and hopes that disclosure will be enough for you to cut and run.

The judge will not believe any assertions he makes now because he’s proved himself unreliable so you need to insist that all of the remaining “discrepancies” are adequately explained in the opinion of professionals who are trained to identify financial deception and fraud. They know exactly what to look for and will uncover what he thinks are very clever lies very easily.

Please continue to be vigilant, especially if it goes to court. I have a friend who lost out majorly financially to her cheating ex (a lot of her inheritance from her parents) after several years of costly divorce proceedings. He even got his mother to lie for him in court. One of the reasons I think the new no-fault divorce system is not fair and not working.

Who finished with who?

In the actual courtroom I watched exh's facade slip. Oh my days it was a fucking glorious moment. Security were actually called as he attempted to reach me from the dock..after 4 years of trying to discredit me...

He lost his entire case btw...

YANBU and I would love to hear the full story when you can tell it.

Also full marks for the correct spelling of “rein”.

What to attack you??