Dds bedtime and attitude all the time

[Chickencuddle]

Dds bedtime is 9 oclock week days 10-11 frissy and saturday. Does this sound reasonable? She has to wake up at 6.40 each day due to early leaving time for school. We spend all our free time with kids. Never go on dates or anythinf. I have a job which works around them so they never go ti childcare or anything. My point is we spend alot of time together.
Tonight st bedtime she says why csnt she stay up late wstching movies. I sid we csn do that st weekend some time she says why not now. I explain about importanfe of sleep early wke ups and school etc. She complains all hwr friends sty up late. We go back and forth but i dont budge and say this is what wprks for us and less sleep isnt good for her and we will watch a movie togethwr at weekend.
She isnt happy and keeps talking in a disrespwctful way and as soon as i talk she stares past me at the wall as if shes super bored. I tell her its polite to look at someone and listen qhen theyre talking she wont do it and is now talking ina horrible voice qagging her head etc and the arguement is going nowhwre so i tell her we have discussed it and my answer is final and to go get ready for bed. She made some comment walking out so i said she has now lost her phone fpr a day. She starts laughing at me in a horrible way and says she dkesnt care. I tell her to go get in bed. I go to check on her and shes up still at her mirror doing her eyebrows.
I tell her its bed time and lights out. She says she doesnt care its her room. I say its mine and dads house and our rules and its time for lights out.
Her reply: you literally always say our house so now your just changing it to suit you vecause im not giving you what you want.
I repeat what i said before and sy lights out she refuses so i turn lights out and say night night. I walk out and breath. Go back 10 mins later to check on her and she has light on colouring. She says shes going to stay up all night and we cant stop hwr. Hwr dad then says hes taking £5 off her and if she carries on it will be £10 she finally goes to bed. Will see if she stays like that.
The past few months has been hard. She is my darling and i love her to bits. I know she has a good heart and is a good girl. She doesnt have it easy with friendships nd i want to give her grace but my god she is testing me. This is over every little thing. Everything she is so rude and just horrible. It makes me so sad. I know its not here. Help and advoce welcome.

Age please?

Depends on age. Alexa bulbs so you can see on your phone if the light is on help a lot here.

attitude and bedtime billshit … meh teen of preteen?

How old is she?
Also monetary fines seem an odd solution

How old is she? If she’s still colouring is she young? And if so, 9 pm is way too late!

Age?

If you want to go on a date or spend time without child so it.

You’ve missed the most important piece of info- what age is she?

Shes 13. Some nights 9. Some 9.30 weekends 10-11. She does not do well on lack of sleep and we hsve esrly morning wske ups at 6.40

Lack of WiFi may see an improvement

At 13 you could give her the grace of a late Friday or Saturday night.

9 pm is early - does she need it? Work with her not against her.

She has no devices spart from phone which has to be off and out of room by 8pm. Doesnt hsve snapchat or similar

She does have late nights at weekend between 10 and 11. Imo she needs it ss up st 6.40 and deals horribly with less sleep

Also worth noting she doesmt sleep in at weekends so cant make up hours that way
She wakes between 7 and 8 weekends and is up for the day

Then say no and carry on as you do with teenagers.

10 pm at that age and earlier if she is grumpy in the morning. I would emphasise that if she gets up and is efficient in the morning then 10pm is good. Puts the decision in her hands.

I was always strict about bedtime when my DCs were young but at about 13/14 I did start to let them go to bed a bit later. Your DD is getting 9 hours 40 minutes sleep a night, average 13 year olds need between 8 & 10 hours, your DD is probably getting enough sleep. You could perhaps offer a bit later bedtime if she promises to get up promptly in the mornings and see how that goes.

If DS (12) had to be up at 6:40, he would have to be in bed by 8!

She's a teenager. It's pretty normal to have an attitude with your parents. I think you can let some of it slide tbh. Tell her you are listening and bedtime is 9.30 but if she is tired or has trouble getting up it will need to go back to 9pm for her own good.

DD is 13, we aim for 10pm, but I'm not military about it. I can't really 'make' her go to bed anymore... But the line is that if she can't get up for school the next day then we need to re-assess. She was late for school twice last week, both on days her light had gone out later the night before. Go figure...

However, she doesn't need to leave for school until 8.40ish and she's also autistic, adhd and has a bit of pda thrown in. So getting her to do anything she doesn't want to do is a nightmare.

When I was your DD's age I also had to get up early (6.30am) and I was in bed by 9, lights out by 9.30. Otherwise I couldn't function!

DS did similar in Y7.

I turned it back on him and said that was fine, he could stay up as late as he wanted in his own room. He did it for a couple of days and lost interest.

I can't remember what he was like during the day, but if it had caused problems I would have just shrugged and said "your choices, your consequences" which was said fairly regularly anyway.

I think that the pressure of friendships becomes much greater as she starts to assert her independence from you. Hence the staying up late to watch a film as ‘all her friends do’. And as you say she hasn’t had it easy with friendships it’s going to be even more important for her to want to fit in and be wanted as part of the friendship group.

Have you had any of these friends over? Do they seem good kids?

9 is about right for a 13 yo. 14/15 they tend to push it to 10 - 10.30. My dd is 15, also gets up at 6.40 and is just going to bed now. I’d rather she had more sleep tbh.

13 - 16 are the difficult puberty years, they tend to mouth off to their parents. Yes, it can be quite upsetting but it won’t last forever.

DD has just turned 14yrs and goes to bed between 9-9:30pm. She also has to get out of bed at 6:40am for her school bus at 7:30am, gets home around 4pm on school days. Tbh she is tired most days from school and chooses to go to bed around 9pm. Sometimes she will stay up a bit later. I guess if your DD can show she is able to get herself up early with a later bedtime then you could push it back. If she can’t get up at the moment, it would appear she’s not getting enough sleep.

Mine usually went up to bed about 10 at that age, I think 9pm is early. To be honest, they didn't really have a 'bedtime' from 12/13ish but they went to b3d about 10ish. I think it's good to teach them to take some responsibility for themselves at this age. Mine were up for school before 7 and never had any problems getting up.

I wouldn't have got into an argument with her though. Girls especially are very good at arguing black is white just to annoy you. I would have said bed, now and not get drawn into a discussion.

You can't force sleep so there's nothing wrong with dc being in their room from 9 or 9.30 then they can go to sleep when they're tired. Once you've said goodnight you don't need to "check on" a 13yr old, leave them alone if they're quietly pottering.

I can happily handle a few typos, but that's just ridiculous.

Very much enjoyed "frissy" though.