To be so sick of shit!

[wouldyouactuallydothat]

I know a lot of posters will instinctively want to help and just need to clarify this is a vent. I know about ERIC and have spoken to the HV and have done the recommended things. So here goes.

Both my children mastered potty training for wee relatively easily and without much hassle. Poo was another story entirely. DS only stopped effectively using his pants as a nappy for poo when he was approaching four but poo accidents remained a feature of our lives for a good year after that. I would cautiously say now he’s OK. But DD potty trained at two and a half, and is now having the same issues.

I am so sick of poo. She holds it in so that it gradually oozes out over the course of a day and so I generally have multiple messes to sort.

I am fed up of throwing pants away.

I am fed up of knotted bags coming back from preschool.

I am fed up of the smell of poo.

I want so badly to get to a stage where no one is shitting themselves!

I am not horrible and I don’t say this, I wouldn’t dream of it - but MY GOD it is frustrating!

You should say it to them, it might make them get better.

And start getting them to help cleaning themselves and the clothes. Be persistent with it even if they're.."uncooperative". That way it might get through to them if there's a consequence for then as well.

Older two were like this - everyone seemed to blame me - then youngest just got it almost immediately and it oh finally worked out how to teach it did you .

Turns out older two are ND and have poor interoception - eating and drinking also issues over the years.

It didn't help with stress that they are youngest in school year so it was nearer 5 but yr 1 before it was mostly sorted.

It's depressing - having to throw out pants because cleaning them they still smell - but they do get there eventually - but yes it's completely normal to want it to pass and to be very furstated at all the helpful "advice" which you've tried.

I don't think anyone likes crapping themselves, adding stress and guilt isn't likely to help, they're tiny children!!

op I feel for you, and I know you've already had all the advice, but we found daily porridge removed the option of holding it in and letting it slowly escape and things improved massively.

wash them like cloth nappies and the smell goes - cold rinse (make sure your machine spins and drains after to get rid of all the pooey water) then wash them in with towels at 60 with high soil amount of non bio powder and line dry. Smells should be gone and the sun makes the stains vanish.

you would be weird if you were not completely sick of it!
It's a stage that is of no benefit to anyone whatsoever and is miserable for all.

You would only be unreasonable if you were not trying to get help, which you are.

rant away, it's flipping horrible.

Thank you. I completely agree, making them feel bad won’t help. I inwardly wail though!

Porridge is one of the few things they won’t eat in fact. Ds normally eats everything but porridge and randomly salmon are two things he hates. Dd is a bit fussier but she won’t eat porridge either. Thank you though haven’t seen that tip before.

@hallomynameisinigomontoya thank you, sometimes they are salvageable but sometimes they are so ingrained and crusted with poo they just aren’t … ugh!

I feel for you. My kids toilet trained at a normal age but I had the second when the oldest THAT WEEK had come out of nappies… and so it started again… so 6 years of nappy changes, helping the oldest and then the youngest wipe for a year or two after that, picking up after the dog… honestly the amount of shit I’ve dealt with over the last 7 years is unholy

Honestly, would it be so bad to keep your youngest in nappies for longer? I get it’s not ideal, but neither is the current situation!

Could you teach her to poo in her nappy, but go to the bathroom to do it and build up from there? Maybe only at home if she’s so used to holding it anyway, then at least she would be toilet trained for school?

yeah ours it was interoception too combined with him disliking the feeling of pooing so he just chose not to do it for as long as he could. I really feel your pain op, the apologetic wince as they hand over the tightly tied double nappy bagged parcel tells you everything you need to know about how your evening is going to go 😭

might they go for overnight oats? the texture is different to porridge and fruit and yogurt on it is nice, or in desperate times we've mixed a bit of nesquik in and used mini marshmallows or sugary breakfast cereal sprinkled on it as bribery to get him to eat it. goes against my guardian reading hand crochet'd granola inclinations but needs must!

@SleeplessRoads my worry is that if I did that we could undo the work on wee. She is young in the year so starts school next September too.

Get them to GP/pharmacy and get movicol for both. It softens poo so it doesn’t hurt them when they expel big poo.

Leaking poo is associated with overflow- runny poo goes around big lump of poo stored in the colon.

Withholding poo overstretches the colon and the longer is stays in the system it gets more smelly (I use gloves for prewashing by hand)

If you get movicol they have to drink enough fluids throughout the day as it absorbs moisture from the bowels to soften it.

Have a look at their diet and remove any food that might add to their constipation (and be prepared for protests)

Their poo is quite soft @RedTulip86 . I know the standard advice is that they must be constipated but I don’t think they are. I am worried about over reliance on laxatives if I’m honest.

I have had experience of this. It is a sensory issue for DS. He can hold it for two weeks or regularly needs laxatives.
It took years to toilet train him. Even wiping would cause him to vomit.
Now he gets straight into the shower.
I don’t have any solutions.

One tip that might work is a stool for her feet and a good distraction, read her a story while she’s on the toilet every night. It’s most likely fear based.

I think it is but she refuses to talk about it at all. She uses a potty as have heard this is better for having feet on the floor but still no joy.

Comiserations OP. It will pass, I promise. My DD used to stand and grip the TV stand and poop in her knickers. It was unholy to watch. I used grab her and whisk her to the loo where she would promptly stop until I went away. Then it was a corner. She was almost 4 and I remember having a breakdown at exH for a professional potty trainer. Wee was a little sooner but accidents occured until she was about 8. She's autistic and struggled with sensation for wee. I have NO idea to this day what the pooping was.

I got really cross at the pooping one day threw all her knickers in the bin and promptly put a nappy on her. No shouting, just, 'If you don't want to poo on the loo, you will need a nappy." Of course she begged for her knickers back and things improved. I wouldn't recommend unless you have ruled out absolutely everything else.

We needed new carpets at the end of it.

Second the stool. And for my dd kidney beans ensured she went every day like clockwork. Oh and lots of butter/olive oil.

But yeah, shit is shit. It won't be forever but it's not fun while it lasts. Good luck.

I’d take 2 weeks off work, take her out of nursery and plan nothing other than to sort it out then have her in pants only around the house and insist on her sitting on the toilet or potty every hour or so.

I don’t think that would make any difference to be honest @SALaw . It isn’t that she doesn’t know what to do, she does, it’s that she won’t do it. I’m not suggesting it’s ’bad Behaviour’ it’s most likely fear driven. I believe it is quite common. I just feel like I’ve been cleaning up poo for years now!

I still think it could make a difference. If you devote time, have no other demands or expectations to go places etc, it would give her the chance to regulate herself without fear of accident when out and about. It’s worth a try surely?

It isn’t possible due to my job, but I really don’t think it would help.

I have occasionally managed to catch her before she’s soiled and managed to get it in the potty / toilet and have thought - great! - but then back to square one on the next poo!

Seriously order yourself a bottle of lactulose and give lowest dosage once a day. Softens their poo so much it eventually just comes out a couple of times a day as soon as they are in squat position on the loo. They don't have to push, doesn't hurt them and they can't hold onto it as it's so soft (but not diarrhoea) keep on it for a month or two untill they're settles then lower the dosage and wean them off. Doctor prescribed it for my 3rd born and used it again with 4th and 5th.

That’s totally different to what I’m describing. And your work doesn’t give you time off?!

Not when I want it, no. I’m sorry if I misunderstood something you suggested but I was clear I wasn’t posting in search of advice.

I know you say you're not looking for advice but what you're describing could well be the leaking of poo around impacted poo. If you haven't tried laxatives, then I think you should. Not for your benefit but because sustained bowel impaction can have really terrible long term impacts on kids health and also make them struggle to know when they need a poo.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. It's absolutely rubbish and would test anyone's patience.