To be so sick of shit!

[wouldyouactuallydothat]

I know a lot of posters will instinctively want to help and just need to clarify this is a vent. I know about ERIC and have spoken to the HV and have done the recommended things. So here goes.

Both my children mastered potty training for wee relatively easily and without much hassle. Poo was another story entirely. DS only stopped effectively using his pants as a nappy for poo when he was approaching four but poo accidents remained a feature of our lives for a good year after that. I would cautiously say now he’s OK. But DD potty trained at two and a half, and is now having the same issues.

I am so sick of poo. She holds it in so that it gradually oozes out over the course of a day and so I generally have multiple messes to sort.

I am fed up of throwing pants away.

I am fed up of knotted bags coming back from preschool.

I am fed up of the smell of poo.

I want so badly to get to a stage where no one is shitting themselves!

I am not horrible and I don’t say this, I wouldn’t dream of it - but MY GOD it is frustrating!

Like someone has already said, get them helping with the clean up, emptying and washing underwear. Make sure you are consistent, make them do it every single time. I bet you’ll see a difference.

I don’t know where the them has come from - I went from dealing with ds poo to DDs. It’s dd who is now struggling. I’m really not seeking advice thanks - was just frustrated yesterday after the second accident. And I certainly am not doing anything that’s going to perpetuate the problem!

Yeah my work wouldn't let me take 2 weeks off at short notice, even if I had leave that I didn't need for other things. And for us it wasnt an issue of potty training in the same way as it was for wees, it was them not recognising that signal from their body combined with not liking doing poos. Is she good at telling you when she's too hot or cold or hungry or thirsty? We have issues with all of those too to a greater or lesser extent.

I had the same conversation soo many times explaining we have to eat to live and that waste from that that our body cant use comes out as poo, there's nowhere else for it to go.
Actually I was just reminded, kids are gross, tell her that sweetcorn comes out looking the same as it went in, but she has to do a big poo to see it that might encourage! I've seen poo sticker charts and I think you can get poo squishy toys and poo stickers, might she be bribed by something like that?

All things pass (ha!) it just feels forever. Don't guilt her and don't make her clean up her own mess. She's not doing it on purpose.

Oh OP, sending so much empathy - i remember those days! By far and away the absolute worst part of parenting in my opinion, and I have teens now!

Once she starts using the toilet , you won’t look back. I would try the foot stool. Bribe her on the toilet and distract with a story.

I had the same. Tried everything. Absolutely could not get them to help with clean up or modify their behaviour in any way. Feel like it took 2 years of my life away.
I could get it largely sorted at home with timing, books, attention. But nursery was a disaster for a very long time. I feel for you, I was genuinely desperate and miserable when I was going through this. Mine just took their nappies off so the cheery put them back in pull ups they'll tell you when they're ready was absolutely not an option either. The more I tried the worse it was.

I feel for you. My 9 year old is autistic and was able to poo on the potty but not the toilet. My husband insisted on a stepladder toilet seat which he was ok with for a while but a bad bout of constipation has made him revert to pooing in his pull up because he can't tell when he needs to go so now we are trapped in a cycle with laxatives. No doctor wants to know.

Well I've done this and my almost 11yo still poos themselves.

Hey OP it could be worse, you could have this twice as long with no end in sight!

DS has autism and we have been through similar. We gor a referral to the Paeds Gastro team who were lovely, they did all the prescriptions and advice for a disimpaction and then - importantly! - were available for advice on the follow up. Definitely worth checking if your area has similar.

OP - I'd just say, Movicol isn't a laxative so you don't need to worry so much about long term use, it's just a stool softener. Worth a try if you think constipation and pain/discomfort are playing any part in this.
DS eats porridge every day, I'd no idea it was supposed to unblock him! ...it doesnt.

My genuine heartfelt thanks for such lovely posts who get it. It really does massively impact your lives; even in small ways. We were at a national trust property on Saturday and twice I had to drag the children away from what they were doing to change DDs pants and clean her up. It is miserable and I sometimes feel like the smell of poo permeates everything although it doesn’t really.

She has no issues telling me she’s tired and hungry and wants a drink and a wee too. Whereas ds has always been poor at this. Ds is largely ‘safe’ now with poos but still often find skid marks in his pants as he’ll hold poo in because he’s doing something else. I have told him he needs to listen to his body but by and large this goes ignored.

DS is older in the year so with him I felt I had more time to fix it while I do feel on a bit of a timeline with DD, as really I only have ten months and as much as that’s a long time in a child’s life I’m also mindful she’s been potty trained for wee for ten months but NO progress at all with poo 🤦🏼‍♀️

IME everyone thinks if you just did what they did long enough it will solve any problems - hence why I felt massively blamed.

I will say fermented food - went co-incidentally though a longish phase of doing them a lot which- seemed to helped DS at older age well past potty training when he was having digesting and toileting issues again mostly I think through waiting as busy. He always had porriage never seemed to make much difference to him.

But honestly with older two it was just time and them getting older with potty training - which sucked for me but it does pass.

That was definitely the case with DS @JuliaAgrippina , and I dare say will be for DD too. He started to poo on the potty circa 3 and 8 months, I think 😩 so hopefully at least she will be having some success when she starts school!

I feel your pain!

DC was in nappies until he was 8.5 due to a renal condition that needed a lot if surgeries. With that he had no feeling of when to go for poos so nappies for that until 10....ugh it was hideous changing huge smelly shites (I've never complained to him)

The best/worst was a pretty explosive one changing standing up (as obviously too big for a change table) in a disgusting public toilet)
Me: Oh DS it's all over your cheeks
DS: *alarmed - How did it get on my face!!!???

But happily surgery worked and he now poos in the toilet and I don't deal with shit anymore!!!

My DN had more normal issues with soiling like your DD. It was worse when he was busy.

Weetabix also helped with him to make the poo softer - but he still pooed in his pants if he was too absorbed in what he was doing.

It stopped once he got to school

What you describe IS potty training? I don’t understand the distinction you are making. This is what potty training is literally about.

@SALaw i think what that poster means is the difference between potty training (this is where you go when you need a wee or poo) and actual putting that into practice. I’ve probably put that badly, but for example, I can know in theory how to do some ballet steps or gymnastics moves but I am not going to be able to make my body do them.

I know you don’t want advice but Poo Goes To Poo Land really helped my DD

Yes, we’ve tried that - I do think it helped DS when he was three

@Pureclass

apologies, actually a genuine question not goading.
If your DS didn’t also have a learning disability, why did he not change himself (and manage the process 99%), at 8 - 8.5 years of age?

No, it's a bit like someone who doesn't feel pain needing to learn how to manage doing activities without injuring themselves, compared to people who can feel it learning not to do things that hurt via the pain feedback. Without getting the messages from your body it's a lot harder.

For some people, they might not get the need to poo message from their body, they might incorrectly interpret it as something else like being hungry, or they might hear it but just mute it and carry on with what they're focused on. Combine that with a strong negative reaction to being told what to do and it does not go same as normal potty training. Adding pressure by taking 2 weeks off to crack it would have probably led to mine refusing to poo at all for the whole 2 weeks.

Sorry I disagree. This is exactly what potty training is. Yes for some it is easier than others but to make out that teaching the child to recognise the feeling isn’t potty training is just wrong.

What? I said that for us it wasn't in the same way as it was for wees. Of course it's all part of helping them learn to use a potty or toilet but it was very different. The fact that it is harder for some kids is literally the point I was making.

"I’d take 2 weeks off work, take her out of nursery and plan nothing other than to sort it out then have her in pants only around the house and insist on her sitting on the toilet or potty every hour or so."

That is standard potty training advice, which is pretty much what we did for wees and it worked fine. The issue I'm trying to explain is that some kids don't get "the feeling", it isn't this straightforward and telling people that they just need to just take 2 weeks off work to sort it out isn't helpful. If they've sorted it for wees I'd assume that the parents have followed the usual advice successfully, not to mention the fact that op said they'd spoken to ERIC and the HV.

No problem!

Long story short he has always had other sites that need to be kept clean of infection that a child could not do so on their own.

Plus trauma and advice from hospital

My point is that, absent any special needs, this is all part of potty training. For some it will be harder than for others but that doesn’t mean you give up or keep “waiting until they are ready”. You TRAIN them. You give them time, patience, consistency etc. it doesn’t need short notice 2 weeks off, it can be planned. But it does need devotion to the training and not giving up when they have accidents. It is important to the child’s development and dignity and important to the future school staff that this is sorted at an appropriate age, which will usually be maybe between 2 and 3 and a half.

What? When did I (or anyone) suggest giving up or just not bothering?

Not sure what your point is, I know children need potty training and it takes patience and consistency even those with special needs, don't know why you excluded them from your ted talk, sen often hasn't been picked up on at potty training age anyway.

Having said that, in my opinion if you need to take 2 weeks off work to do it then you probably are forcing it and would save a lot of pee on carpets if you back off and wait until they're ready, the first time we tried my oldest kept wetting themselves and found it very distressing, we left it a few weeks and they cracked it in a weekend. They were far from the last out of nappies in their nursery and I still had my annual leave to use for something other than potty training. Ps we used cloth nappies so I don't think postponing was the easier option.

DD JUST POOED ON THE POTTY!!!!