ADHD Meds - Could they explain change in friend’s personality?

[Rabgle]

I have a good friend who I’ve known for about 15 years. We met through work and she’s a brilliant, funny, sociable person. We shared a house after first meeting for a short period and have been friends ever since. She had a role at my wedding and I had a role at hers. We see other less than when we were single but meet up once a month, either one to one or with our husbands. We stay in touch via WhatsApp etc. between meetings.

We’ve always had a comfortable, laid back friendship - I can truly be myself around her. Never short of stuff to talk about, always fun. Except for the last 12 months, the meet ups have become more and more difficult, for want of a better way of describing it.

It’s really difficult to explain. We still chat, she still asks about me and my life, I ask about hers, still cover the same ground but it all feels a bit cold,m. Empty. Almost a bit formal and stilted. Distracted. It’s almost like the fun, vibrant personality has been drained away somewhat.

I did consider whether the friendship had perhaps run its course but she still instigates meet ups, still asks questions and shows an interest. I’m also keen to see her. She’s more garrulous when we meet as couples, but specially when alcohol is involved, but even then it’s not quite the same.

A couple of years ago, she was diagnosed with ADHD, and now takes medication for it. She says it helps but could change in her be down to that? Or are we just getting old? Or is it just me?

AIBU?

Ive noticed this with sone friends and its tge reason I dont take the meds.

I have ADHD and take meds. It absolutely can change someone’s personality. It’s not common for it to happen to this extent, but it does happen. I notice I am slightly numbed out on them and feel less emotionally connected to others. In my case it doesn’t affect my relationships in a major way, and I’m not able to do the work I do without medication, so the trade off is worth it. But I notice the difference in my sense of emotional connection with others when I don’t take them.

I am pretty sure I have had ADHD since a teenager, I am now 61, but would be reluctant to get a diagnosis and take meds as I am nervous as to what impact they would have.

I would rather find coping mechanisms for the traits I don’t like about myself rather than change my whole personality - I would be interested to hear what anyone on the medications experience of this is.

Interesting. ADHD meds have definitely changed me, as I am now much more calm and stable, less reactive and emotional. In my case I think probably most people I know think it’s an improvement! But I can well imagine that it might change others in other ways.

My take is this: if you’re no longer really feeling a spark with a friend, that’s fine - it doesn’t matter what the reason is (although obviously it’s different when someone’s going through a rough time). Presumably the meds are really helping her if she’s continuing to take them, so all I could say is be happy for her and don’t feel obliged to keep hanging out with her if you now find it dull.

I'm on the meds and my relationships with others have only got stronger, thats my perception anyway.

It could be a whole host of other things I wouldn't assume it is definitely that.

My friend who was late diagnosed (50) has completely changed on the meds. She was extremely scatty and lovable, she also had a slight major substance abuse problem. She is now laser focused, less sociable, has gone off drink and other stuff 😳 but her house is spotlessly clean.

Thanks all, really helpful. I know when she was first diagnosed she had difficulty getting medication, even paying privately, because there was apparently a shortage. This caused her quite a bit of anxiety at the time, which we talked about.

It’s just such a change. The sort of whimsical, nonsense conversations we used to have about something and nothing have all just fallen away. At our last meeting it was fine but was a bit like pulling teeth, almost like being sat next to a stranger at a dinner party who isn’t that bothered about interacting. No silences just really unenthusiastic conversation, which is totally unlike her.

I’m prepared for this to be my perception and maybe we’re just getting older and changing, and that’s life!

My DH has noticed similar OP, there seems to be a plethora of people in his industry getting diagnosed with ADHD and on meds, and he said some are quite markedly different in their interactions now.

I was diagnosed with ADHD just over 4 years ago and am medicated. There was definitely a big shift in my personality for the first couple of years. It was like having to rediscover who I was, what was actually me and what was the ADHD.

Tbh I don't really see any of the friends I had then anymore. Some of them were disappointed with who I was now, as they enjoyed the chaotic me who did all sorts of stupid things and was always up for anything. The other friends, well we sort of drifted away from each other as our lives were at different stages. Usually I would have kept trying, but I gave up. I realised how different I was to them, and that I never really did fit in, no matter how hard I tried.

All sorts of things that I used to say and do became painfully clear that they weren't normal, and now i think back and cringe. I thought that was just who I was, but it wasn't. It was the result of a lack of dopamine, poor impulse control, and an inability to regulate my emotions.

These days all of my friends are neurodiverse. All our kids are neurodiverse. We sort of just accept each other for how we are, and everything is so much easier and relaxed.

So, yes, it is possible that the meds have changed her personality, but it's also possible that this is just how/who she is without ADHD symptoms.

I was very creative before I was medicated. My brain was never quiet, and there were several monologues and radio going on all day every day. I had loads of ideas for all sorts of weird and wonderful things. But when the meds kicked in, it all went quiet up there (that was literally the first thing I noticed after my first dose). And i did (still do) feel like I'd lost my spark. But it's the trade off I had to make in order to be able to function as a person, and to be a good mother.

I suspect on your friend's behalf that all the "whimsical and nonsensical conversations" you had were due to her brain being like this and not being able to refrain from vocalising every single thought that popped into her head. If you're finding it so hard now, I wonder if she was the one who was instigating and carrying the conversations, and you were just along for the ride. It's exhausting being like that, and it's sometimes a nice feeling to have a peaceful and quiet mind, to just be.

And if I go back to why I drifted away from my old friends, it's because I felt like a performing seal. And when I wasn't being as entertaining as they were used to, they didn't like it. Some tried to encourage me to come off my meds and/or drink way too much alcohol because they wanted the old me back.

Sounds exactly like the effects of ADHD medication that I observed in children I taught.

She could be undiagnosed autistic as well and it is no longer masked by the ADHD?
I have some friends that are so dragged down by perimenopause they can barely function, is she the sort of age where that’s a possibility?

That sounds exactly like my (adult) child when they are not on their meds.

She’s in her early 40s, so possibly.

She’s a highly successful person - built herself from nothing and has a great career, very popular, lots of friends - probably the most popular person I know. Everyone likes her, she has a natural way with people (or did) that makes me think she’s not autistic.

I’ve seen kids personalities change a lot on meds. For some it seems to help them be calm and focussed, but others seem to lose their light which is sad, but it’s for parents to decide if the pay off is worth it.

It's probably just as much peri as it is meds. I find my social battery is totally dead most of the time at the moment (having a particularly hard time ATM) and my desire to have conversations whether nonsense or serious is shite. I just want to be alone in a cave!

Adhd person who takes medication here. Maybe her medication is too strong. I take it. It quietens the noise in my head and I can move from task to task more logically. But I still fell like me. Usually adhd medication wears off by mid/late afternoon. Is she still like this by evening?

Interesting point. I mainly see her one to one during the day, at lunchtime. When we meet with our husbands, it’s always evening, and she is more her old self at those. I’d assumed it might be the fact that alcohol tends to flow at the evening meet-ups, or maybe the group dynamic takes off a bit of pressure. But maybe it’s what you’ve said too.

I have taken meds for three years. My personality has definitely changed - I think it’s because I don’t mask anymore! I don’t put up with anyone’s bullshit anymore, I don’t do things I don’t want to do and I’m much kinder to myself.

I'm more calm, and don’t need to be the extroverted life of the party anymore. I have realised I’m introverted and need to be alone a lot of the time. My relationships with my kids and husband are much better.

If your friend has changed then be happy for her. She’s likely her authentic self now, and if your friendship can’t survive that change then that’s a shame. As the saying goes ‘friends for a reason, friends for a season, friends for a lifetime’

Why would you think your authentic self is the version where your brain has-been changed by drugs?

Ah - but these are drugs that are correcting a chemical imbalance to begin with,

I mean having a drink stops me masking. Smoking a joint = more introverted and focused.
You wouldn't say "im my authentic self when im baked" would you!

Chemical imbalance compared to who

Neurotypicals

Honestly you clearly have no idea what it’s like to have (undiagnosed, unmedicated) ADHD. I know that there are people who are happy with it but for me it was an absolute nightmare of stress, being told I was a drama queen, inappropriate, too quiet, blah blah blah blah blah.

Now that my brain isn’t just desperately seeking dopamine all the time I am so much happier and more relaxed.

It’s not really that strange, considering that ADHD can make people more talkative, easily distracted, emotional, and all sorts of other things. Once those things are more regulated, I can imagine that many people would notice a difference in you!