AIBU to skip hosting Christmas and go away with my family?

[ThatKhakiGuide]

I have an auto immune condition, receive 6 monthly disease modifying therapy for it. This affects me day to day and my immune system also. We have 3 children and I’m self employed. I host my mum and step father for Christmas every year - shop for it, cook it, etc etc. This year I’d like to go away with my husband and kids, and not host anyone. My step father is an alcoholic, my mum is an emotional wreck and will tell me I’ve ruined her Christmas and left her all alone. I am exhausted by them and my condition and would love the time with my husband and kids. AIBU?

We (DH and two teens) are having our first Christmas away on a cruise after hosting many people for many years over many days. We always love it but need a break or it loses its’ shine. Just do it. We can’t wait!

I don’t know why you’re asking - you’ve more than done your bit. Tell them now so they can make other plans. Enjoy your holiday!

Do it. Book something tomorrow and tell her when you've done it so you don't give in then she's time to sort it for herself.

Definitely not unreasonable. Book somewhere nice. Tell your mum now. She can make other arrangements with family etc. Have a lovely time ❤️

Even without the backstory, the answer is YANBU.

Blimey of course yanbu. Don't let dm emotionally blackmail you.

The back story is irrelevant. Book first, then tell your mum they need to make other plans this year.

We are the same, and a few years ago went away. It was awesome and we’ll do it again in a year or two.

It’s absolutely brilliant being on holiday over Christmas. I opted out of the ‘must-go’ to parents and ILs for the festive period since 2017 and we’ve enjoyed every Christmas since.

I find it’s just a whole waste of money, the presents, food etc… if just sitting in someone’s house. I’d rather spend a bit more and have a jolly good time away enjoying the forest or snow or whatever.

Go for it OP. You’ll only put their nose out of joint the first year, then they’ll just assume you’ll be doing your own thing every year after that.

Do it.
Stress is the worst thing for autoimmune diseases.
Do it for your children.
You don't owe your mother your health.

Please do it. I beg you. It will do you the world of good

Do it! You would be vvvvvv unreasonable not to book that trip now!!!!

Totally not unreasonable.

book

tell them now so no surprises and gives them time for them to decide what they will do instead.

and don’t feel guilty with the inevitable emotional backlash they will give you . Ignore ignore ignore

Go away for Christmas with your DH and kids and don't let her guilt you! It's her choice to be married to your alcoholic stepfather so she can't complain at being left alone with him.

Do it!! You don’t have to justify it.

Which 2% think you’re unreasonable?

Absolutely do it.

Someone with a fat finger slipping accidentally hopefully 🤣

What do your DH and kids want ?

You do you. Is your mum always so emotionally manipulative? She can’t expect to be hosted every year

Unfortunately there are always the pious few lurking who will self righteously tell you that its your duty to sacrifice yourself endlessly for others and that youre mean and nasty if you ever dare to take some time out and do something for yourself.....so probably some Mildred DOES think that its outrageous that OP isnt hosting poor old victimised mum for the umpteenth unpleasant and draining time.

They want to go away and are absolutely sick of doing the same thing each year

Thank you for all lovely responses. I’m going to book the break.

Good for you. Have a fabulous time!

Absolutely go away and don’t feel guilty.
I think the ‘traditional’ Christmas is cruel for working people, it’s like a working holiday.

Yay fab news @ThatKhakiGuide .

I know youve said you’re going to book it but just adding my support to pps that you definitely should go away.

You would be in your rights in any situation to do this but especially in the one you’ve described.

You really can’t be held responsible for your Mum’s choice to stay with an alcoholic man or to inflict him on your children at Christmas.