AIBU to skip hosting Christmas and go away with my family?

[ThatKhakiGuide]

I have an auto immune condition, receive 6 monthly disease modifying therapy for it. This affects me day to day and my immune system also. We have 3 children and I’m self employed. I host my mum and step father for Christmas every year - shop for it, cook it, etc etc. This year I’d like to go away with my husband and kids, and not host anyone. My step father is an alcoholic, my mum is an emotional wreck and will tell me I’ve ruined her Christmas and left her all alone. I am exhausted by them and my condition and would love the time with my husband and kids. AIBU?

Do it and don’t let your mum guilt trip you. They have enough time to plan something else and you deserve a break. She isn’t alone. She has her husband. It isn’t your fault he is an alcoholic and she has put up with it. You have a right to your own life with your family.

Glad that you are going to book. Do not tell them the exact location/hotel you are going in case they decide to surprise you and turn up.

Sounds amazing! Other than conquering my own jealousy, I think it’s a fabulous idea.

Yes we've heard of that happening on here.

Get it booked. Put your family and health first.

I don't want to get in too much detail about it, but Christmas is a time for celebration and enjoyment. It is not about how many roast potatoes or sprouts you have prepared.
Enjoy the time with your close family rather than the extended one. YANBU

Please give your children and yourself a normal stress free Christmas. As for your mum tell her she chose to be married to an alcoholic but you didn't so therefore you are not ruining your children's Christmases by forcing them to deal with him.

It's been decided

Enjoy your break. Your mum is choosing to stay with an alcoholic and is trying to dilute the impact by involving you -but why should you and your family have to deal with him?

She’s not going to be left ‘all alone’ though, is she?

Your dm isn't even alone, she has her partner! My dm has always victimised herself too, but has many others to spend Christmas with. She even stopped cooking Christmas dinner herself in her early 50s which is relatively young, but she still harps on how she cooked it for years despite having spent years beinh catered to.

Even now she will try to guilt trip with the whole, "I'm not really bothered anyway, Christmas day nibbles, having meal another time at pub, even the "nibbles" she doesn't do herself, it's her brother!!

So glad you've decided to go. Have a wonderful time, and try not to think about your needy mother and alcoholic stepfather while you are sipping a nice cocktail somewhere far away.

I know what I'm talking about. We go away every year for Christmas. It is absolutely the best decision ever. I dislike Christmas anyhow, too commercialised and full of stress and noise and traffic, you get the picture. No one said anything negative and now they all know we are not around at that time and it's no problem.

I’m in a similar boat and would love to go on holiday for Christmas! My dream would be a cosy log cabin, with a log fire, somewhere in a snowy alpine forest!

unfortunately my MIL expects to be catered for and driven around and won’t even engage in a conversation about going out for a meal on Christmas Day! It’s utterly exhausting and last Christmas nearly broke me.

Let her expect it, and go away. Has she nobody else? That isn't fair on you at all.

Do it, and dont feel guilty. You deserve a nice Christmas x

Turn on Freedom by George Michael to help you get in the mood... and Book it!!
There's plenty of time for folk to make other arrangements for themselves.
You only have a limited amount of Christmas's with your DC when they are young and still living at home.. Don't let anyone take another of YOUR Christmases with them away from you.

Also. Internet Christmas Cards only... And gift vouchers to significant present people. Cut all the rest out.

Good luck.

You are not responsible for your mums happiness that’s down to her . Go and enjoy some quality time with your family

Could you invite them to the holiday? Or get them to host you, if that will mean you get to spend time as a family and not have her so upset?

I’m in a similar health position. It I could risk a plane during a very busy travel season, I would be following your example and booking a holiday.

My compromise is to host everyone at a restaurant. It’s less stress on my body and sets a strict time limit on the festivities.

She won’t host us, too much work for her she says. They won’t come with us as don’t like to travel

We will be around an hour and a half’s drive away from home. I totally get not risking a plane!

Your mum needs to learn not to be selfish and let others enjoy their Christmas.
DD was born Christmas morning, so for 20 years I did the Christmas and birthday thing including PIL until they passed away.
Last Christmas DD went to Thailand with her bf for her 21st, gave her our blessing and were slightly jealous 😂

We went on a cruise around the Canary Islands over Xmas last year. It was FAB.

So I gather your Mum will be with your stepdad so not alone, then absolutely do it! If she was on her own, as mine is, I wouldn't dream of it though she's wonderful and would encourage us to go anyway.

The difference is my Mum is 80s and unable to cook and do the things she used do, including hosting Christmas dinner all of her life, so I've taken on that role willingly.

We're doing it this year. The last 2 years of hosting have been increasingly horrendous and we made the decision just after last Christmas to just remove ourselves completely for this year. I'm still not sure quite how I feel about being away over Christmas, but my husband has wanted to do it for several years, and DD is so excited about her first overseas trip.

At the end of the day, it'd have to go some to be worse than last year!