Bloody inset days

[DrWhosJazzyScarf]

Hi all,

Husband and I have been having the same dispute for two years now and, frankly, it’s wearing me down.

Nursery have insets three times a year. Husband works from home and has plenty of holiday days left, which he usually spends on his hobby. I’m a teacher - getting the day off for insets isn’t possible. My mother has offered multiple times to help out (he’d just need to work from a WeWork or similar for the day) but my husband always rejects this idea out of hand. ‘So you’d rather get a seventy-something woman up to look after her, then go home at the end of the day. Ridiculous!’ is the usual reply.

I do everything else. Bed times, early wakes, doctor’s appointments, organising family trips. Doing all of the driving as he hasn’t learned and refuses to.

So to my question - am I being unreasonable to expect him to do the inset days when I do all other dates and events and, let’s face it, childcare for future summer holiday breaks?

Thoughts very welcome.

Sorry I’m missing what he is suggesting is done for inset days? My DC are older now and just enjoy a lie in and meet friends but when in nursery I would book day off, your DH should too. We had some lovely days out

YANBU. He sounds a like a prize twat tbh.

this is fundamental

What is his suggestion for the inset day?

TBH I’d just leave him to it - “ok I won’t ask my mum, I’ll leave it with you to sort because as you know, I cannot book leave” and then I would go to work on the inset day. He’ll figure it out.

What's his objection to your mum helping? Most people would jump at that chance and be most grateful. He sounds like an arse

This is just what I was going to say.

he can book a day off and cover childcare that day, or he has your mother cover if he can’t. I personally would have mum on standby, then the night before check if he’s covering when he says no, get mum over. He will have to work somewhere else or cope with the noise at home - simple

Do this. He sounds like a controlling twat who doesn’t think his life should change because of parenthood.

Yes I'm also not understanding what he is suggesting should happen on the inset day.

So you can’t do the inset days, your mum isn’t allowed and your husband and father of the children won’t either? What’s his suggestion then?

I hope he earns good money and provides well
for the family with it, because he doesn’t bring anything else to the table and it would be sad if he were entirely pointless.

Divorce the prick.

Is his plan that you go to work, he works from home as normal, and the child just spends the entire day unsupervised watching TV with an open 800g supersize box of cheerios to graze upon?

sorry, I missed that crucial detail - he’s saying that he has to take our daughter that date. Won’t say why he’s not happy for my mum to, other than ‘it’s a long way for her to come’, which it isn’t really.

Perhaps tied into this is that his parents barely see our child - they live some way away, but have never made much of an attempt to come up. (Have made a big fuss about it though!)

All of his holiday time is for his hobby, unless I tell him I’d like to organise a short break or something. Even then, he’s very particular about the dates so he can protect as much of his holiday as possible.

He’s then short with me following this, which he says he doesn’t recognise (classic being really fun with our child while ignoring me etc). Apologies, rant over!

This is what has happened previously. Doesn’t drive, won’t catch the bus with DC anywhere - claims she said she doesn’t want to go to the park etc.

I’m the breadwinner and always have been. Likely always will be by a considerable amount.

His redeeming features are?

Let him take her. If he's short with you then call him out on it. Ask your Mum to come in school holidays so you actually get a break.
Have a good think about what he's actually bringing to the relationship and contributing to family life!

Wow your update makes him sound even worse - so he never takes her for a day out anywhere ever??

he should either take the day off and do things with her or your mum comes and he goes to a workspace obviously

we love the inset days in my house a good excuse to have some off peak time with our daughter somewhere usually busy (she’s in school)

are you saying he never takes any time off for sxhool Holidays either? wtf

I don’t think I understand ‘he’s saying that he has to take our daughter that date’ ? Does that mean he says he’ll look after her? If so, isn’t that what you want?

This is how I feel! I took my only TOIL day last year to coincide with a special Christmas event for DC and it was wonderful.

I know historically he’s lacked confidence with DC, but sometimes it does feel like he’s clock-watching with her.

Either:

1 - you’re over thinking this whole thing. He says he’ll have the day off, they have a fun day together, you’re making it into a big deal when it doesn’t need to be.

or

2 - this is part of a wider pattern of emotional abuse and generally being a shit partner. He makes you feel guilty for working, wanting time out etc.

He isn't saying he will take the day off, he says he will WFH with said child being supervised by screens all day.

@MJagainthanks for sharing. I’m really not sure, and what blurs things further is that I have OCD and when I bring these issues up with him, am told I’m overthinking or overreacting. This has been quite a common refrain throughout our relationship.

However, this dispute is on about its ninth outing and either way, I just want some kind of resolution/to know whether I’m being unreasonable expecting him to take our DC on these very rare occasions.

Actually I was thinking if the op divorced him, I'd swoop in he sounds a real catch...

@DrWhosJazzyScarf You tell him that you want your DC to have a lovely day. That can be either him NOT working and atleast taking her to the park for some fresh air or your mother coming over. It can not be him working or not actively caring for your daughter. What's wrong with him? He sounds bloody selfish and selfcentered by preventing your mum from coming because his parents are useless and also not wanting to put in any effort with your child.

Honestly @DrWhosJazzyScarf

what are you doing?

supporting a man who puts his hobby above your child