Do you need to make friends with reception parents .?

[overtinkerbell07]

My son has just started Reception, and I’m wondering how important it is for parents to get to know the other mums/dads.
I’m 26 and quite shy, so I sometimes feel a bit awkward around the other parents. We all wait outside the classroom and I usually just smile or say hello. Some parents don’t really respond, and sometimes I get the impression that people are looking at me or judging me, although I might just be overthinking it.
Does making friends with other parents actually make a difference to children’s friendships, settling into school or arranging playdates? Or is it completely fine to just be polite and let the children make their own friendships naturally?
Should I make more effort to get to know the other parents, or just leave things to happen naturally?

Well, having friends make it a much nicer experience. And selfishly, it gives you a group of people to ask for help if you need someone to pick your child up, and to take up the slack in an emergency. And more people to have coffee with is a good thing. Just be open and friendly and see what happens.

What do you think they are judging you for?

It’s useful to be friendly with the people your child plays with so you can arrange play dates etc with them. You don’t have to be actual friends with them though. My kids are 9 and 12 and I’m friends with 2 school parents but they’re also neighbours. I’m friendly with a few others (have their numbers etc) but we only contact each other about the kids.

I'd try and make some connections if you can. You don't have to be actual friends with any of them but it helps if you know people's names and have their phone numbers etc because the kids will start wanting playdates and stuff after school. If you don't know them then it's hard to facilitate those things and they can end up getting a bit left out. DS started reception this time too and he's got his little friend coming over after school on Wednesday.

I promise you nobody is judging you, people are pretty preoccupied with their own kids and probably feeling a bit awkward about being around a bunch of strangers, having the same thoughts about how sociable they need to be! You don't need to chair the PTFA and admin the class group chat, but getting to know other parents a little bit will probably make life easier. It's also really helpful in an emergency, DD is in Y4 and at this point there's quite a few parents who could pick my kids up and take them home for half an hour if I'm stuck in traffic or something.

Never bothered myself. I couldn't have told you who were the mothers of what kid in my lots reception classes

Yep, I absolutely agree with this. I’d always try to smile and at least do small talk, or if they seemed open I’d say “Well, how’s your wee one getting on in school?” or something, and generally show an interest. If they weren’t interested, nothing lost, but I ended up knowing most of the names and which child they belonged to, which was nice when my kids made friends.

Not essential. I have zero school mum friends. I’ll chat at ur school gates with a couple. But I have no interest in forcing Relationship with them. I have friends I have colleagues and family. My life’s already full

I’ve got 3 kids 14, 11 and 7
I’ve always made an effort with other parents and it’s much nicer for me as a mum and them as kids as it’s how we made friends for play dates, we help each other out with the kids and I do feel it’s mutually beneficial to everyone
people who don’t interact - it’s their choice but I always think it’s a shame and could be quite isolating for the mum and the kids too.

I never made friends with school friends' parents - I was in work full time so there was never the opportunity.

It certainly makes it more pleasant when the kids go to parties (before they are old enough for drop offs) if you have at least a couple of other parents you can chat to.

Sometimes someone has to take the initiative and just get into it I think.

I’m finding this quite tricky to navigate myself at the moment, because 1) there are only 15 pupils in my son’s class 2) there’s no nursery or pre school attached so no one knows each other from that 3) it’s a fairly diverse London suburb and some of the parents don’t speak English, or at least not enough for anything beyond greetings. No one has really gone beyond smiling and a quick hello yet at all.

I think I’m going to have to take the bull by the horns and start the parent’s Whattsap 😬 but I don’t know if I want the hassle.

Not for friendship exactly, but for ease of arranging play dates and for emergencies etc. Some conversation at kids parties would be nice too as we’re not at the drop and go stage yet.

DS is a big personality and will be friends with everyone, I don’t want to hold him back in friendships out of school because I’ve not been arsed to make myself be friendly 😂

Just to add, my DS is a real social butterfly and has already started making friends. There’s one boy he particularly enjoys playing with, but I’ve noticed his parents don’t smile back or say hello to me at all. I honestly have no idea why and don’t want to assume they have a problem with me.

Would you just leave it and let the children play together, or would you take the parents’ lack of acknowledgement as a sign to keep a bit of distance? I’m probably overthinking it, but I’m not sure what’s normal!

It depends on the kind of person you are. Do you want more friends? Do you need those connections? Selfishly, it can be handy. Especially if you're running late or need a hand or want to arrange playdates etc.

I've never bothered 😁 10 years of school runs and never had a chat with a parent, does me no harm but I can see the benefits. Personally I like minding my business and keep to myself, but that's my personality.

Looking back do you feel your kids have missed out on anything due to you not being bothered?

I think it's a shame you've used this phrase. You don't need to be besties but a little bit of friendliness goes a long way.

X

Nope do t feel they've missed out. Why would they have done

Don't need to be best buddies with them, but can be helpful for arranging playdates, parties etc -, for helping when running late from work for pick up etc. Especially when you children get older and start wanting sleepovers - need to have a sense of what parents are like before letting your child sleep at their house, and vice versa - I don't have children for sleepovers where I don't know them or their parents.

I'm not very confident/sociable but forced myself to make the effort, as my mums shyness meant she didn't speak to hardly anyone, and I didn't get invited for many playdates until secondary, where I organised them myself

I have no idea why some people are so unfriendly but they are. I did not have a huge amount of opportunity to get to know parents because I’m worked and my DD went to after school club but I did invite the parents to mine for coffee as I lived quite close to the school. It took me a few years to make friends properly but that group continues to be close knit and our kids are 14. We have a book club, nights out, parties, we go away together and there has been lots of reciprocal child care and favours. This is absolutely not compulsory but perhaps consider one of the most popular threads on MN is How do I make friends as a 30/40/50 year old.

@BushmillsbabeIf I just smile and say hello but don’t actually start a conversation, what do you think other parents would assume? Would they think I’m not interested in getting to know them, or would they just see it as being polite?

This. I mean, it’s not compulsory, but DS attended two primaries in different countries, and the one where I had friends around me at the school gate was a far nicer experience, though I don’t think it had any particular impact on his friendships — in the previous school, I still invited kids DS liked around after school, even when their parents were total strangers or unfriendly.

@Divebar2021If I just smile and say hello but don’t actually start a conversation, what do you think other parents would assume? Would they think I’m not interested in getting to know them, or would they just see it as being polite?

No playdates or playground chats whilst the children play after school or in the park?

Crikey, no.
I never did and nothing bad happened.
Dd is 25.

4 kids, never made a single friends at their school

You need to stop focusing on how you might or might not be coming across to other people, or whether or not they might be thinking something about you — that isn’t something you can control.

Dd had playdates and I politely chatted to other parents in the park.
I didn't make friends though, I didn’t want to.