Inheritance

[Sillyme1]

Am I being unreasonable to feel that adult children who do nothing to support elderly parents, do not ring, even when said elderly parents are I hospital, they cannot expect to receive an inheritance when said parents die?

Even if a child is doing all the care and all the running around for their parents, they should still not expect an inheritance.

It's amazing how many people link one with the other as if there is an entitlement to someone else's money.

I wont be leaving anything to anyone who doesnt give a shit about me, so I think you are spot on @Sillyme1

There’s just me & my sister. I do a lot more for our parents, see them more often (they mind my son, too). Sister has been given a lot more money than me, since our college days. Dad said it will be balanced out, but I think it will be an equal split & I wouldn’t question it. I just never asked them for any money…

That’s what we will be doing. I don’t want to bequeath acrimony to my children.

i think inheritance is a stupid idea anyway. If your kid is struggling and you’re sat on a pile of assets, help them out while you’re alive, why make them wait til you’re dead? And if your kid isn’t struggling then they don’t need your money so why spend your whole life sitting on it. Spend it! Have fun!

It's up to the parents in question. Obviously. Why do you think you have a say over what they do with their money? My children will inherit my assets when I die - regardless of whether they did any caring duties. I wouldn't wish being a carer for an elderly parent on them and will do everything in my power to ensure it doesn't happen.

Where do you think people should live after they dispose of their homes to help their struggling children?

Nah I’m talking about disposable assets clearly. There’s always one 💀

@OrchardOwl what’s happened to comprehension!

Well, OP, you clearly have an axe to grind…

We have two DC, both now adults. My DH went down with dementia in 2022 and is now quite severely impacted. One has been mega helpful and has really been there for his dad and for me. The other got DH to sign a fraudulent power of attorney to try and get hold of cash (we have reasonably substantial assets). We took legal action to remove it. He them made a false safeguarding complaint to Social Services, which along with the dementia really added to a very stressful four years. To protect DH I have left everything to the one son I trust. I cannot now think of circumstances where I will change that arrangement. Even given everything that has happened, I did try and meet to sort things out. There was no response. After all there is no no short term financial advantage to be gained.

I know from my contact with many other dementia impacted families that I am far from being alone in this experience. Wherever there is money at stake there is a risk that there will be trouble.

I am sure though that he would still expect to get money from our estate. He is unfortunately that entitled.

Not quite.

The children only get a share of one third of the moveable estate if the deceased is married (unless the will states otherwise).

https://www.harpermacleod.co.uk/insights/legal-rights-in-scotland-what-are-they/

Strictly speaking, in Scotland the executor is supposed to ask the children whether they wish to claim their legal rights. (Many choose to forego them in favour of the surviving spouse.)

How horrible for you. That's one of the few cases I think it's understandable that one wouldn't inherit.

However, in general, unequal gifting in normal circumstances could be a horrible thing too. Show one child you care about them less? Disinherit one so you can give them one last kick after you're gone? It would take extreme circumstances for me to even think about it.

Yanbu In those circumstances. I guess you might have to prepare for him to contest the will so make sure your solicitor has it all sorted for you so it’s very clear what your wishes are.

Sound legal advice is essential. As joint executor and beneficiary (with brother) of late Mother's estate, everything was clear cut. However, solicitor did ask if there was anyone who would likely contest her will. At end of the day, unless someone can provide undue pressure or not of sound mind, there's very little that can be done to alter parent's wills.

Me too.

FWIW I was NC with my father for 25 years before he died. He split the will equally between his (legitimate) children. I offered to give my share to my siblings but they refused. There was no ill feelings and we all understood the position we took in our relationship with him.

My Great grandparents divided their estates as per the OP. The effects are still being elder in the family more than 60 years later. It’s not a good thing.

I don’t think anyone should expect it but when I die I’ll try to help everyone no matter what, even the people I don’t feel have been there, because life sometimes gets in the way of people being able to be there for people

I provide care for my elderly dad on a daily basis. I don't think anyone should expect an inheritance.

My dsis does very little by comparison. If my dad's estate is not eaten up in care costs by the time he goes, then I fully expect and hope that he would treat us equally in his will. Better still, I hope that he can enjoy as much of his money as possible while he is still alive.

I do not care for him with the expectation of getting anything in return. Love is not transactional.

Yes

Inheritance isn’t earnt. So YABU.
I would rather buy in care and let my adult children live their own lives.
SIL did far more for PIL as they aged than DH. But then she had free childcare on tap from them for 18 years and all her wedding paid for while he got zero.

Were all children treated equally? No golden children or scapegoats? Sometimes the scapegoat is intentionally pushed away.

This isn’t correct. Children have a legal right to share one third of the moveable estate if there is a surviving spouse and one half if there isn’t but the heritable estate and the other half/two thirds of the moveables would be distributed in terms of the will. Eg, if a widow with three children left an estate comprising a house worth £1m and savings of £30,000 to a third party, the most each child could claim under their legal rights would be £5,000.

I had kids to gift them life, not caring obligations.