Inheritance

[Sillyme1]

Am I being unreasonable to feel that adult children who do nothing to support elderly parents, do not ring, even when said elderly parents are I hospital, they cannot expect to receive an inheritance when said parents die?

Depends whats in the will!

I dont think anyone should expect inheritance.
Im one of four and 1 sibling hasn't done as much as us other 3 in the last few years of our parents lives but everything was split equally all monies, jewellery, pictures and heir looms and none of us would have it any other way.

Yabu. Nobody should expect inheritance regardless.

It depends if the parents want to leave them anything or not doesn't it. Not really your decision to make unless they are your children.

I’d say that generally speaking, no one should “expect” an inheritance.

But my children would have to do something pretty awful for me to cut them out of my will. More awful than not ringing me.

I think what is in an inheritance is entirely down to the deceased and the decisions they took during their life time. Not the beneficiary. We get no say on what is handed down, whether it is fair, or whether the right provisions were made.

Maybe the dc gave reasons to not want to be around their parents.
I think it’s wrong to dangle inheritance like a carrot

I actually prefer forced heirship they have in other European countries

No one should expect an inheritance but I also feel that if you show no interest in your parent or make an effort then you don’t deserve anything either.

In Scotland you cant disinherit your children and any will that does is classed as invalid and your kids automatically inherit equal shares of half your estate if you're married or all of it if you're not married

That’s the norm in many countries

Do you have children who don’t visit who you are going to disinherit?

Would you rather they showed up just so they can get their hands on some money later?

It’s up to the parent though.

This really interests me as we are very torn.

We have two adopted daughters (may be relevant, may not). We always assumed we would leave everything to them 50/50. As did my ds and BIL (who with no children and very good investments have a huge chunk to leave).

But over the last 6 years the eldest DD has pretty much cut us out of her life. We have tried so hard to keep in contact over the years but she has ignored us. I perhaps see her twice a year as I push for contact. DH has not seen her for 3 years. She is happy and settled with her new partner and his family.

She has attachment disorder so we know this is a condition that she has and although she has distanced herself from us we know (from experience) if this relationship goes wrong she will be back.

But we (and my DS and BIL) are so close to our youngest daughter. She still lives at home and is very family orientated. DS and BIL have already changed their will so all goes to youngest as they have had no contact with oldest for 4 years (despite trying).

But although contact is limited on her part she is still our child!

I much prefer that a person chooses who to leave money to - I think it’s wrong that you could be forced to leave it to someone who had been abusive to you. I’m sure it does rankle a bit if people aren’t seen for years and then come out of the woodwork when a will is read. But a parent cutting out a child is a big step to take and needs to be entirely the parent’s decision.

It should be up to the individual, not the law. I’m glad we don’t have that in England.

You're not unreasonable, but it doesn't work that way-we will get little or nothing, because our families aren't rich. But that's fine, I just want them to be happy and spend what money they have on themselves, and of course I will do everything a working mum reasonably can to help them, because it's the right thing to do. They fed us and changed us when we couldn't do it ourselves, and it's an honour to repay that to parents and in-laws. Sadly not easy, especially when they need to stay here when we're juggling work and childcare, but I wouldn't think I'm owed money for it.

It’s a tricky one as I partly think that children should not feel obliged to look after their parents either, although of course it would be nice if they did.
The onus often falls to the daughter (if there is one), there is a lot of guilt-tripping, duty and manipulation. It is often unintentional but usually the way it goes. Often the less involved sibling will get an equal share of the Will. There maybe good reason why they are less involved.
I can see both perspectives.

No-one should expect an inheritance. It’s entirely up to the person who is leaving the money to decide who they want to leave it to.

YABU

Those adult children could have completely valid reasons for avoiding their parents.

Nobody should expect an inheritance and the parents are entitled to leave their money to whoever they wish (assuming the laws of their country allow that)

@Frenzi surely her disorder is the reason?

My sister lives in the USA and has done for 35 years. The other sister lives in another place abroad half the year. I've had a stroke and have MS.

I guess none of us will get anything.

Is the money being left entirely earned by the parents? If so then it can be argued they have the right to leave it as they see fit. If any of it was inherited by them, then it should go to all the descendants. A DC can be very close and loving with a grandparent, even if not with a parent.

I’s also argue that a lot of older people effectively lucked in with economics and so have a lot of unearned wealth because of their age and situation. It’s unfair that some of their DC would reap that reward and others not.

YABU

No one should expect inheritance.

You sound like a sibling giving support to parents whilst another sibling does nothing?

I live in a different country to my parents, so I won't be able to give any physical support when they are elderly. I mean, I'm not getting inheritance regardless (they're leaving everything to charity), but even if there was inheritance coming, it wouldn't change the fact that I live elsewhere with a family of my own.

I have spoken with my mother about any care plans for when she's older and she keeps telling me she hasn't thought about it. She's nearly 80 now.

It is entirely down to decisions made by the deceased person whilst they were alive, which they hopefully set out properly in a will.

Hopefully this is not someone being petty and disinheriting someone for just not visiting enough.