My parents have become insufferable.

[PleasePleasePleaseDontProve]

I am really struggling with my parents. Both are mid-sixties, retired. It seems since retirement they have become quite bigoted, insufferable and insular in their viewpoints. Every time I meet up with them conversations revolve around:

• Illegal immigration / people on benefits / Reform and Nigel Farage. Essentially focussing around the latest GB news story (which they watch religiously).
• Their latest or ongoing health ailments and how poor, in their view, the NHS is.
• Unnecessary and rude descriptions to describe other people (could be random strangers) or people they know. For example, ‘our fat neighbour has put on tons of weight.’

I used to have a fantastic relationship with my parents, particularly my father, and I’m sure he wasn’t always like this. I’m starting to dislike meeting up with them as their attitudes seem to have changed towards life and people in general, and they constantly want to discuss the latest GB News story.

Has anybody else found this has happened to their parents?

I would laugh if this wasn't so true. My mum's favourite topic of conversation is illness/aches/pains - not jist hers either. Does my head in.

Exactly. Thats why it’s in AIBU and not in the elderly parent section 😉

Could have written this myself word for word

I feel for you. But not all people in their 60's are like that. I'm 63 and a fully paid up member of the guardian reading, tofu eating, wokerati. Both DH and I volunteer in the local community and can't abide the views you describe.

I agree that this is right to focus on the media. I’ve seen and heard discussions about cults and MAGA and it seems that people change completely once they’re taken away from their media sources. I imagine that their world has narrowed considerably and it’s simply a question of repeating all that they see and read.

From what I’ve heard, the last thing you should do is challenge them. You have to engage with them, genuinely ask them about their thinking, ask where they got the information from, ask how they know it’s true and how they would know if it wasn’t true. If you can summon up the inner reserves to do any of that.

It was a shock to me when I realised that I had completely different views to my own parents. In some ways, I’ve never got over that.

Mine are much older - late 80s and almost 90. My poor mum has some dementia now, and is not really herself. My dad has gone more to the left as he's got older. He worries about the world a lot. So what you are seeing isn't inevitable.

My mum has radicalised the other way and keeps picking fights with nasty extreme right accounts on X and threads.

She does like to talk about herself and her own illnesses, can not get a word in. She has that in common with your parents.

My dad is becoming like this! Early 70s - it’s getting painful. He’s gonna get himself punched or worse.

Did a big whole extended family holiday this year. At the resort, he kept making comments at full volume:
”Can’t believe the place is full of bloody northerners, since when did they have money?” (We are from South East)
”All these f-ing people with money and no clue how to act” (said with no reason to say it)
”Amazing how much money benefits now pay isn’t it. Didn’t expect to share the hotel with parasites” (said when anyone with a tattoo / northern accent / bit of sunburn / backwards hat / child who was speaking lifer than a whisper went past.

I was ready to absolutely smack him in the on within a couple of days. He was so arrogant and rude and that was to any other British holiday maker - we weren’t in the UK - then of course the comments about anyone non British were escalated.

Also join those of you with a lot of empathy for “no one else can be ill or have problems” - mine can’t take it anymore, I don’t even mention hospital appointments (I have a couple of issues) or job woes or life woes to be frank because I literally get yelled at for causing them worry and stress…….plus the assumption that I’m always free. “We’ve got a roast for us all on Sunday” - I’m actually busy away with a friend on Sunday” Cue huffing and puffing.

God forbid anyone having different views from you.

I don't think it's so much age but I think it can be a result of social isolation. With my own DP I noticed that this really ramped up when they retired and the number of people that they spoke to in person dramatically reduced.

All you can do is try to distract them and talk about other stuff.

My parents are 75 and 80 and they are nothing like that at all.

Yes with my dad and step mum. My mum is still wonderful thank god! Your description though is everything I feel towards my dad and step mum though, particularly the NHS. My dad would have died 20 years ago after a sudden serious illness, but he’s here because of the nhs.

i find it hard to be around them, there are flickers of the dad I knew and adored as a child, but for the most part he is hard work. My stepmum I’ve always thought was nice but dim unfortunately, she’s got no clue about the world and gets the wrong end of the stick all the time. We limit contact.

Mid-sixties!! Good grief, I'm 73 and would find them insufferable old bores. Just pray these various ailments carry them off early so you don't have another 25 years plus of this!

I find it bizarre when people apparently 'suddenly' become like this in their 60s. It hasn't happened to anyone I know.

My parents are well into their 80s. Mum was 21 in 1960 and so they lived through the 'swinging' 60s with peace, love and flower power. They had friends and colleagues from all races and religions.

I'm in my 60s and grew up in the 1980s under Thatcher where we (myself and my friends/cohort) were extremely politicised - we marched for miners, watched Boys from the Blackstuff, The Young Ones, Ben Elton, Jo Brand - a lot of very left wing, anti establishment comedy and drama.

Suddenly, according to some posters, my Generation X lot have become racist, right wing bigots who vote Reform and hate 'foreigners'.

It's not my experience at all - and I'd venture to suggest that people who are racists always were. You don't change to that extent as you age.

I agree with those posters who suggest they've actually become more tolerant as they have aged.

Yes. It's like the daily mail/ gb news brainwashes them. It's so sad

Sounds like mine hahahaha. Especially with GB News (as Sky News is too trivial and tabloid, while BBC is biased).

My dad got like this and this was before all the people on boats or GB news - it was around Brexit time. What got me though is that we lived overseas, various types of country, different religions, ways of life who treated his family with so much kindness while we were there. Dad's dead now but I could imagine him chuntering loads now.

Some people as they get older have less of an off switch? Not sure. A lot of time they do have less of a wide circle of friends to bounce off, hear different views. But, if your parents are regular users of the NHS, I would have to agree with them, it's pretty bad now.

Did I write this?

My mum is the same. I tell her I'm not discussing politics. If she ignores me I literally don't continue the conversation. Just repeat.
Her health is different.

"Prople love to believe they are too clever to be manipulated but we aren’t. None of us are. GB Pablum is an unadulterated stream of shite beamed straight in to our brains. Don’t accept it."

Let me guess, do you perhaps read The Guardian?

I would generally describe the Guardian in the same vein that you refer to "GB Pablum [sic]"

I would also suggest that you perhaps cut yourself off from the Guardian for six months and see how you feel after that.

Do you watch GB new too?

A nearly 60-year-old leftie here whose DM was a proper socialist firebrand. I guess young ones may give me a swerve at times because I’m dull rather than bigoted (I hope). I would listen and take heed if someone told me they were tempted to avoid me due to views they disliked. Maybe I’d reflect and change my views with fresh information, or maybe I’d stick to my guns but be more sensitive about expressing myself. Is there any mileage in saying gently but firmly that you struggle with some of their views, that you love them but don’t want precious time with them to consist of Daily Fail-isms? I wonder if you also feel unseen and not of interest when your folks indulge in their pet topics?

My parents are in their seventies and have become more relaxed and liberal as the age eg they now have friends who are gay and it’s not even mentioned whereas when I was growing up in the 80s/90s my dad would make homophobic jokes.

i think GB News is the common denominator here. It’s brainwashing nonsense. I would be correcting them on every falsehood

I used to try and do this but it’s frustrating because they get angry and can’t see any other point of view even when you back it up with facts. I gave up and now don’t even acknowledge anything has been said. I’ve noticed since retirement their views have got a lot stronger/harsher/radical.

Just because you don't see that illegal and legal migration are changing the country beyond recognition, that the NHS is in a very poor state, especially considering how much money is spent on it does not mean that your parents are wrong. They are justly worried about these things. They are wrong to think they can share their concerns with you. About your fat neighbour - don't know, can't comment.