AIBU to be upset my husband posted an unflattering birthday photo?

[SassyNavyHam]

I recently had a birthday and my best friend texted me and asked if I saw the post my husband made, so I checked it out and he used an absolutely mortifying picture of me sleeping with no makeup.

I felt hurt and confused and I just really couldn't understand why he would do that. I called him but he didn't pick up (at work) so I sent him a text with all of my feelings laid out. I told him he made me feel like I was a joke to him on a day he was supposed to be celebrating me.

When he got home he immediately became defensive. He said his brother does it to his wife. She is a very different person from me so I'm not sure why that matters. Also it might help that she is an actual 10/10 and probably doesn't have the same insecurities as me.

I asked him to delete the post and he did, but he was irritated. The next day he told me I take everything so seriously and he wishes I had a sense of humor. He recently traveled with his family (who he does not get along with) for a wedding and she he didn't want me to "take it the wrong way" but he felt very jealous of how his brother could joke with his wife.

To me my boundaries are my boundaries and I don't know what that has to do with his brother and his wife. I told him my boundaries are my own and my birthday isn't about his hurt feelings.

I think what he actually meant is that he fancies his SIL, sorry. You are allowed your own boundaries and do not have to pretend to find things funny that aren’t to you. I would tell him that you are reevaluating the future of your relationship. To me, it’s just as bad as you saying you’re jealous of the fit body your sister or friend has in their husband.

For what it’s worth, not that it matters but I know I would want to know what others think, I would not like any photos to be posted of me that were unflattering either.

It’s only a joke if both people find it funny

Exactly. And the intention was clearly to humiliate. He didn’t realise that Katy wouldn’t always look like she does on stage and it bothered him so he wanted to humiliate her and let people know what he had to ‘put up with’ Look at the rumours and charges that has plagued him since! Very unsavoury. If you’re not happy with your wife then you talk to them or leave, you don’t get to humiliate them intentionally. I think it’s cruel personally and I this SIL he is so keen on thinks he’s a prick anyway.

Instead of having a go at your husband for doing something he thought would involve celebrating you (actually - What did the post say outside of the photo?); you should have calmly explained that you're feeling insecure and the photo makes you feel insecure about yourself. You could have then gone on to say you appreciate what he did, but could he please edit the post and change it to a photo you like.

As for him feeling jealous; You want him to validate and respect your feelings, but in the meantime you have dismissed and invalidated -his- feelings. He told you something upsetting in return, thus this should have resulted in you both sitting down and speaking like responsible, mature adults. While your friend was kind to have told you, she was also looking at that photo in a negative light and instead should be boosting your self-esteem.

Is one bad photo and some frustrated feelings really worth demonising your husband? I feel you were both mildly in the wrong and need to sit down and talk.

I’m single, but I would HATE it if a partner did that.

Why have you done 2 threads on this?

Your all nuts Jesus! 😂😂😂 He posted a pic you didn't like get over it he deleted it when you asked

The supposed friend sounds like a bit of a shit stirrer she knew what would happen and now gets to sit back and watch the drama she's caused

He clearly posted it without good intentions specifically stating his brother post these types of pictures. It was a mean spirited thing to do.

He pretty much admitted it was a joke and he was irritated that she wasn't amused.

I wish I knew how to add links because this reminded me of that viral post, where the guy took a picture of his wife with the dog but somehow the dogs profile looked like wife's profile 🤭 .

Now that was funny.

This 👆 , not so much, plus it's lazy and predictable.

YANBU - that’s a horrible thing to do.

How else did he celebrate your birthday? What is your relationship generally like?

I’d tend to agree. I think you are just collatéral damage here op. Which doesn’t make it any better of course. I think what’s worse is you knowing he prefers your sister in law to you. That’s not on.

Yes it’s a common thing abusive men and shitty friends do.

I had a former best friend do that to me after we went abroad together, and she claimed she was just posting what was on her camera from the trip and that I was “vain and sensitive blah blah”

Unlike her I had went through our holiday pics on my camera and only posted the nice pics of her, but after that I just uploaded the rest of her pics that I had previously left out .

She immediately deleted the pics I’d asked her to take down of me, then asked me to delete the unflattering ones of her which of course I did 😆

He got me a gift and we went to dinner with the kids but it was awkward after this. Our relationship is usually amicable and he is a good father, but mutually unfulfilling